This is a long one and so much more I have not listed;
here is my night mare








Hi all, I am new to this. I am 46 years old 2 sons 24 and 15 and 2 grad kids.I am a general contractor and sole bread winner. I have been married for 17 years, and we have know each other for 21 years. She is from down under and I am from california. She has always been fisty and straight to the point, no bs ing around, you knew where you stood. I love her and how she carried herself, ones own unique style. Over the years we have had the above normal problems, From my porn viewing 15 years ago, to the last 3 years, of our oldest son on herion. rehabs and more. His girl friend getting pregnet,haveing to have DNA tests due to her deceptions and lies regurding their relationship. My mother having dementa and care giving for her for over 2 years ( she is now in assisted living).

My wife has built up her drinking and several years ago fights have evolved to a higher level when she drinks (like my father). At one point she was arrested for an extreme DUI. She had to go to programs, jail time and fees had to be paid. Our fights have been more and more.

The fights are mostly started by her and her extreme rage and in defence I fight back because I am fed up with it.We do a dance, once I am in , its a loose loose for me, no way out but to walk away and get needled for reaction. Other fights are started by me in reguards to our sons and what they are going through and or her ratical behavior. Her father (adopted) now has stage 3 prostrate cancer and is in the beginig stages of dementia. My wife has been careing for him (over the phone). His 10 to 16 calls a day have defenitaly run her down. He came out in aug and that is when she dropped the bomb, he had molested her as a child. We all were blown away, no one knew. This is when all hell broke loose, her rage seemed to explode and at me! not the abuser.

My defending myself from her rage attacks with my own anger of being attacked, I am angry towards her for doing this in front of our 15 year old. Her father was very physical and verbaly abusive, now sexually abuse has been exposed. The fights are a no win for me, from her wanting to sell the house and live on the street to her telling our 15 year to find a ride home from school because she will not be picking him up due to the fact that she will be living on the street. These attacks kept going and going.And more and more irratical behavior.


She kept telling me she should have left my ass a long time ago and divorced me. She took off her rings and basicly distant herself. She went out looking for a job. ( She raised our kids and took care of the house duties, a more that full time job) She left at 4pm and by 12 mid night after no answer or message, I text my oldest son to see if she was there, he had no idea where she was. By 1;30 he found her but only said she was fine and she would be back in the morning. During the next 3 days, she crept out at 11pm to make a phone call, got caught in lies, and she claimed our oldest son knew where she was that night. So I am think affair, shes have an affair!

Many more verbal encounters


She picked a fight with me on a thursday night, and left the house 5 times back and forth in a complete rage, then drove a 6 hr trip to see her abusive father at 10;30 at night and came back the next night, a 22 hr road trip, Crazy! She then said wait and see what happens in 2 days!
In 2 days, nothing happened.


I have choose not to talk to her at all and do my thing (which is used by her, that I punish her by the silent treatment). Days before thanksgiving we both decited to be civil, it was great! we got along, talking laughing and just being a couple. I was on cloud nine. We have always been close, talking and laughing, fliting and very intimate over our 21 years. Thanksgiving evening she wanted to watch a movie, just the 2 of us.I was loving this. Then she brought up the past, her past ,my porno stuff of 15 years ago and she wanted to fight. I got up ,told I was not going to fight and left the room. she followed in now full rage, I took my son to his friend house, like I had done before.

I came back to 3 more confrontations, i left and came back when she was a sleep in the other room. What i did not know, she took 13 oxycoatons, (trip to her fathers, his meds). The next day, around 130 pm my 15 years sons found his mother in the bedroom,face swollen and very close to death. he called me in a panic. I called the paramedics, they gave her the electric jolt for her heartbeat, rushed her to the hospital. Her liver and kidneys were in danger of shutting down, or at best they would be damaged. For the next 4 days she recovered and supprised everyone. The phys released her from the hospital with out inpatient counseling, Big mistake!

Within 4 days, she is enrage again, telling our youngest son, that she had not finished what she started, I call crisis, I called them 3 more times in a week and a half. By dec 27 she was now acting like she was on cocain or meth. I have gone through everything in the house looking for anything and getting rid of any pill or alcohol, my oldest sons recovery meds. I finaly took her to the emergency room, she though it was 1996 feb 12th. They ran blood tests and scans and in 8 hrs there was no trace of anything in her blood, they told me she mental broke. They then released her. I went to the mental hospital the next day, they told me that she had had a stroke and delearium in the brain. On Dec 31 I had to pation the court to get her.

They came and got her at 11;50, by 4 am she was transfer to Good Sam. For the next few days, she had spinal taps, MRI s, and other tests, 6 doctors and when her mental statis was stable, they transfered her to the mental ward on Jan 7th to Jan 2oth. During that time, she was dianosed with pregresive dementa, brain damage. In 2 days the dianosed her with a rare brain disorder( dhsp??) toxins in the brain due to what she took) and in the last 4 days of her stay, she made a complete recovery! What a blessing a second lease on life.

Now because she is all better, the ahcss insurance may not cover her bills. The mental ward released her and because she is good to go, they can not make her go to and counseling, any programs, just check ups for her meds.

She has been back a week and a day, as of today. Within 4 hoursof her getting back, she started, pissy mood, fights me on the doctors orders to be watched for several days, taking meds complete resentment. By the second day, I am blamed for making most of this up, turning her friends against her, that the doctors don't know what they are doing and so on and so on. I am back to where we started. She made a statement to my youngest son that I am the reason that she wanted to kill herself.

Most importantly, is the protection of my son! I have him in counseling, school and out source, friends and backing and support from all.

My oldest son is in denial, and still has that druggy brain, sleeps untill 1pm, but he does work and cares for his kids, regiously! But does not want to deal with his mother situation.And he resents me when I get on his ass to do anything. (like his mother) The kids are torn apart, my oldest with his mother, and my youngest with me.

I do remodels and before Nov, we were ok, 10,000 on a cc, and jobs in the future , ready to go. loosing all the jobs during this time of chaos and with the med bills, (no insurace) I am now 140,000.00 in the hole, Being blamed for everything by her, protecting my youngest son and trying to keep order and security for all. I am at my wits end! I want out, is that wrong?? I feel that I have done more than my fair share, and that I am being drained of everything I have.being draing of my being!. I am trying to get 2 jobs right now and I will get them, catch up on my bills (2 months now behind), get a savings, and see where I am at and see where my son is at. He is fed up with his mother and brother. On a postive note, our father and son relationship as grown a lot stronger.So I am making several plans for the near future. This of couse will change, due to that she has not gottne help for what the issues are in the first place, After years of fighting me on seeing a counsler, she is now open to it, as long as its her pick.

Its been hell!
Posted on 01/28/12, 11:26 am





thanks for your imput. I am especially have a hard time today, Vday. My took my son to get flowers for his girl friend , I picked up a yellow rose for my wife and a card, I wrote" happy V day, thinking of you, love me" she found it this morning on the counter, called me ( first time in 2 weeks) said thankyou for the card and flower, I did not get you anything, I have no money" I am hurt, maybe I am asking too much. But in the middel of the day she called me 3 times to see if I could watch the grand babies, and after saying she was going to, she changed her mind. So at last min I am running around with my sone to watch the G kids for 2 hrs, We come back to the house and she is on the coutch sitting. When my son asked, " I thought you were going to you suport group, she said in 5 to 110 mins her girlfriend is coming to get her. So now I am wondering like before, sorta whats going on. Vday! suport group on Vday?? karens husband, no dinner with his wife?? I feel.........I am being played, again and shes trying a different angle of control. For me this is not a good time for this, I have issues at my sons school that I am dealing with. thanks

mrstrength
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Reply #14 - 02/21/12 9:31pm

well she is back, back to the rage she was at before the attempt. She has changed her doc appointments, and counseling. I sleep with the doors locked in one bedroom. I was woken up the other day , by doors slamming, so I figured I would turn my camera on video, put it in my pocket and go get my paper work and go. That way if she started somthing I would now for the first time have her rampage on tape. Sure enought within 1 minute she was on me for 20 mins. I did fight back and when it was done, I left and listen to the tape shaking. But what I was expecting to find after I have been called and assh++e, was I was not. I was in full defence and she was in full attack mode. It gave me a completely different perspective of how she treats me and what I take. I am very close to getting these jobs, it cant come fast enough, I need to get my house and bills current. I did talk to my now 16 year old and told him I taped it and to my suprise he had taped the paramedics during her attempt, and other fights and her odd behavior. The longer I am away the stronger I get, sure I have my down time of what was once, but what do I have with her now??? I have come to terms that it is my survival, strnght for myself and son that I what I have to make this through and that My plan of getting us to a better spot in life is the goal. I am glad he was not there for the fight and I will not expose him to the garbage. Listen to the tape was brutal but it has instilled in me what I do not want for my son or I.

mrstrength
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Reply #15 - 02/27/12 9:04pm

well she is building up again, the attacks are coming back , Firts thing this morning at 6;30 and I am sick. She started that she is not in a good place actually worst than before. I did talk to her doctor later today and told them. they are concerned.She goes in tomorrow to see them. I feel sorta black mailed, If she make her self the victim she can blame me for that , them she justifies it. I am worn out! My now goal is to get work, 2 months behind in house payments and others, the jobs I lost in Noverber as her attempt was in full swing. I am now barley hanging on. I do have light at the end of this finiancial tunnel, as if I get one job (bathroom remodel) I can start climbing out. She now sits on the couch watching doc phil dr oz opra and just complains that I kicked her to the curb, (what Guilt). She wants to sell one of my projects to pay for the repair of her car, I am already trying to sell it so I can pay for bills. Her behavior today , was that she was fine, I wasted no time going thought her purse and credit cards (I pay for ) and using them and cleaning her out. I told her it was used to survive. "survive what, I have no brain damage" "you made it up". Well next time she wants to fight, rather than trying to rationalize with her, I am going to walk away. I feel very low today , and fed up with the situation. I can do anything untill I get back on track and bills paid. at that point she will be comfy and no reason to do anything, so.... What choices.. Just keep going! On a seperate note , when I run, I visualize running on the beach in Hawaii with the ocean splashing at my feet, palm trees blowing and my son learning to surf...All good!

mrstrength
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Reply #16 - 02/28/12 10:57am

Thinking today, how sureal it is that someone would even consider taking their life, and justify their actions as rightful. We all have the power within ourselfs to change certain situations, change can be scary and painful, well so is taking your life. I just have a real problem with what my wife wanted to do. Just a thought thats going through my mind.

mrstrength
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Reply #17 - 03/19/12 11:43am

I have been having real issues with what my wife has done or attempted to do. I am very angry at her and what she has done to my sons. She is trying, she is going to counsling, she has found a job and starts soon. I have a major trust issue. I just dont trust her if I open up, I dont want to hurt or feel that pain again. I feel played at times and wonder what the near future holds. ( 2 years when my son is 18) if i get it all together, bills, job and all back on track, then what she leaves, attempts again??? I know one day at a time. I exisist one day at a time, I keep going . When I am painting a house, you have a lot of time to think about things. I try to think on how to improve me, bussiness etc. thoses plans dont include my wife for the simple reason....I dont trust her.. feed back please





April 9th 2012
wow, its been a long and hard road and it still goes on and on. ( read my wifes suicide attempt on thanks giving) and the aftermath, this is getting very brutal I feel that I am being pushed to break. So here I am with my son now 16 years old. Ive been married for 18 years (I am now 47) durring her hospital stays due to her suicide attempt on nov 24 2011, nov through jan, no one other than my self and my youngest son , did what we need to do for her and we were thereat the hospital every day, no visitors at all, my oldest son I had to drag him to the hospital twice. We were told she had brain damage and now that my wife has made a full recovery from brain damage and the doctors are stummped, they have given her the "your fantastic, no more tests good to go!" talk. the thing that got me was my wife only told me what she wanted and did not want me taking her to the counseling meetings or to meet the doctors.

Doctors will not talk to me, so I am now out of the loop. She think I wanted her committed, so she revoked the POA and put her best friend on it instead. (this is a woman who never went to the hospital, but now shes a god sent) she told my youngest son who found his mothernext to death the next day to get over it. My oldest son ( recovering herion addict) is also a god sent. My wife has twisted everything to make me look like the heavy. There is also very little concern for our youngest son. I have him in counsling, we talk all the time and our relationship is closer than ever. I will do any and every thing I can for him. he is my main focus!!!!

What I am up against:
Heres and example, She crashed her car, not bad but the belt broke and it cost 3,000. to fix it, I am 3 months behind on the house payments and all the bills are due now. I lost all my work in nov due to her suicide attempt.I am a remodeling contractor, so noone wants to rip their house apart during the holidays. Now I am doing anything to keep my son safe, try to pay the house and bills etc. The doctors told her she could not drive at first , but now she and her friend sweet talked the doctor and she can drive now.problem is her car does not run and now says and She has now told me that I am confining her and would not let her drive, we now have one car and I told her that I would drive her where she needed to go and that I am using the car for work she tells me, " you are controlling" and Cruel for keeping me here" ( in the house...
Now she has not worked for 20 years except for out conracting bussiness, and it was really running errions and I have been thge bread winner all these years. So now she has convinsed her older brother to send her 3,000 to fix her car. put it in our grand kids account and has gotten her friend and my oldest son to retrieve it. SO I dont know. she has told everyone I am seaching the house for money etc. She also is convinsed that I am against her

So.....I feel dupped. before the suicide attempt she would tell me she should have left me a long time ago,

In Oct 2011, she was looking for a job friday afternoon, I call the house and asked my youngest if mom was home, he said no she just went out. I got home around 5 and 1 hr after another kept going by, until 11;30pm, so IU texted my oldest son to see if she was there, he replied "no shes not home??, he then told me he would try to find her. No note, phone call, nothing, last time this happened she got an extreme DUI. He text back at 1;30 am and said she is fine she is going to spend the night where she is at.
She would not say where she was at but the next day she said she spent a night out (at a girlfriends, right!)no wedding rings, came back the next day hung over.

I pressed the issue where she was, and she said I dont have to tell you, becides our oldest knew at 7 30 pm where she was....So I read the text, and told her sound like he did not.

The next day my youngest told me she had snuk out, ( I was stunned) so I sat in the living room in the dark, and when I thought to myself "This is crazy" and started to get up, there she was coming down the hall way and out the door. so I followed and when she bummped into me she in a panic said she was making a phone call to our son(11pm in our drive way). We went in and argued and As we got into it, my oldest son walked in and confirmed that she was calling him. (set up or was it...was I wrong??. thats what I was thinking) But he would not or could not vouch for her night out. She said she was at a girlfriends ( why lie about that?)

Time has gone on ,She came out at told everyone her father had molested her, drinks, rage, off behavior, the suicide attempt, now hiding stuff , paranoia, and twisting stories her way. She has managed to convince the very people I confided in as I was planning the rest of our lives, and caring for my wife with brain damage. How to finish raising our son in what would be a very difficult time.

But now with a full recovery... she is pissed at me and believes I am after her, and has convinsed the very people I confided in. NO ONE CALLS TO SEE how my youngest son is doing or how I am. They are too busy planning something.

So this is what I did. I got a recorder and put it in the house On. ( now I do not like doing this and I should not have to do this or live this way, and I never have. But after all that is happened and she has made light of it, the only real story is the hospital doc , crisis doc and my son and mine account, there is no proof, It has turned from helpig her to being accused of everything and being blamed for everything. So what I set out , was to she where her heart was, if she was thinging of us, our kids what she had done to hurt the family. What I did not expect, was her full on phone calls slagging me down, plans of desetion, her close friends 2 facing me to her, her total lack of emotion for her family except for the oldes son who, is game for any self medication.

So as it stands, I am so hurt and stunned. I have gone through a sucide attempt to now , to a full on plan of attack towards me. I feel really betrayed and feel so bad for my 16 year old who has alos gone though hell. I look at the photos of the boys growing up, out marrage, our wonderful times as a happly married couple, I always thought we were close, but I am listing to someone I dont know, who lies and twists the story to make herself look good. I am hurt and lost. This has been the most painful events I have ever gone through. I have worked so hard for the family that after listing, I feel like I was and am the meal ticket. has she always been like this??

This is horrable, I also feel like I am torchuredeveryday (what is the tape going to bring up), I loved and love who she was, her smile her laugh, she always attracts me,but I cant trust her. to think I have to let go, that I am hated is so brutally painful. I feel spent and marked. that I have given all of me and my heat and soul has been ripped out and stommped on.

I hate living like this, I am broke, cant move , some days cant pay for toilet paper. I cant sell my house, I dont have the money for a divorce, I am stuck stuck in hell with my heart ripped out.

I really dont want to feel the pain of what I think is next to come , of cheating on me. some of you are probely thinking it already has and that I am living in denial. The girl friend she went to, says they got drunk, and that she slept on the couch... but....

I dont know how I am going to get through this, You live with a person and they become a great part of your life and to have that ripped away in a suicide attempt and now divorce is so very hard. I do look back at some of the fights and thgings that she said and the clues were there, and that is hard to see as well.

I look foward to responces

thanks for reading my ongoing story