Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I just wanted to get opinions on this subject.
My therapist and I were talking and I said that when he is nice to me it makes me feel better because then I know he cares. She asked why this mattered, and all I could come up with was that if he cares then he will regret what he has done which probably is not true since he feels he has done nothing wrong. So I said then because I still matter to him when he is nice. And still could not really get to the bottom of why that would matter. She feels it comes back to that I dont think much of myself, but Im not sure that is it. So I am putting this out there to anyone else who feels this way. Why is it important that they still care about you, even if you dont care about them or have really bad feeling toward them, is it a control issue over them? I dont know I just know when my daughter told me he was listening to sad songs about losing your wife it made me feel better.
My therapist and I were talking and I said that when he is nice to me it makes me feel better because then I know he cares. She asked why this mattered, and all I could come up with was that if he cares then he will regret what he has done which probably is not true since he feels he has done nothing wrong. So I said then because I still matter to him when he is nice. And still could not really get to the bottom of why that would matter. She feels it comes back to that I dont think much of myself, but Im not sure that is it. So I am putting this out there to anyone else who feels this way. Why is it important that they still care about you, even if you dont care about them or have really bad feeling toward them, is it a control issue over them? I dont know I just know when my daughter told me he was listening to sad songs about losing your wife it made me feel better.
Your therapist is probably right. This probably has more to do with how you feel about yourself than how he feels about you.
Tough titties.....he wanted this, not me! Nice or mean to me right now it only makes me want to do one thing - pound him in the face about 5 million times.
Hard to move on while still trying to reconcile that whole situation. After being apart for three and divorced for two plus, I still have NO IDEA what our marriage meant other than to enable my dream of fatherhood. Can that be enough?
I don't think people are all like that. I'm going to be pleant to people, sure, but if pleasing someone else compromises me or goes contrary to something I believe in, I won't do it. Case in point: I'm not sweetness and light to everyone here. Some people don't like that. Oh, well.
Rose - I also agree with Jaken!
Lynne
You are not alone in this. I was there at one time. When we gain self esteem, we are able to feel better by ourselves.
We don't have to look to others to make us feel that we are ok. that we are beautiful, that we are anything.
I can still hear the hurt from how he has treated you. He does not treat you nicely all the time, but instead of saying you bastard, you don't deserve to be in my life, you are looking for him to be nice, because his approval is important to you.
I spent most of my life being happy with the crumbs that others would toss to me, and this is a crumb from him to you. IMHO..
Big healing hugs, Kimmee
But Kimmeee you are right eventually I hope to get to that place where it wont matter one way or another what he thinks, or how he feels or felt about me and our marriage.