Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I don't know why this popped into my head today but I am going to let this one loose. I think that this could be because of when I was younger I always assumed the man was usually the problem in a relationship and he was usually the one to leave (definately learned differently since I have seen people I know contradict that and my own story). Then again, this could be because my mother and father separated for 5 years before getting back together and I knew that my dad was at fault.
Here is the question for the ladies:
When you meet a man and know that he has had one failed marriage do you view him differently? Does it send up warning lights saying that he had failed once before?
Do you assume that he was the one that caused the problem and he is why the relationship failed?
I never had thought that when I met a woman who was divorced. Then again, I always was one not to consider anything like that until I knew the person and their story.
Here is the question for the ladies:
When you meet a man and know that he has had one failed marriage do you view him differently? Does it send up warning lights saying that he had failed once before?
Do you assume that he was the one that caused the problem and he is why the relationship failed?
I never had thought that when I met a woman who was divorced. Then again, I always was one not to consider anything like that until I knew the person and their story.
deleted_user
I don't take his past marriage failure into consideration. Everyone has their own past issues and their are two sides to every story. It's based on getting to know him and how he treats me that matters.
deleted_user
I guess I look at things a little different than that, as failure is not in my vocabulary.. It is not a failure in my mind to love another with all your heart and then it does not work out. I believe there are no mistakes, only opportunity for lessons and in turn growth.. So to answer your question, it does not bother me if a man has been married once or more as long as he is a good person in his own right. I take everyone at face value and with individual consideration.. I try to never assume anything.... Kimmee
deleted_user
I try not to assume anything about anyone. And I don't necessarily view divorce as a failure by either person. When the time comes for me to venture out into the world of men again I hope I can just see people for who they are and not try to read into their divorce. I hope I will just know if they are good or bad. Maybe I am naive.
deleted_user
I don't think a man is a failure because he is divorced any more than I am.
deleted_user
I don't think that. There are so many reasons why people split up, and I know it cannot always be attributed to one sex over the other. Everyone has baggage at this point, you just have to figure out how much you, as an individual, are willing to lug around.
deleted_user
I believe that you have to look at the man for who he is now. We all have a past with both good and bad and I will not judge a person by their past. I know that I have grown into a stronger Christian woman because of my past. It makes no difference to me that he is divorced.
deleted_user
Not at all do I view a man differently, I have a broken marriage as well. I don't view either myself or my STBX as failures. I have yet to meet anyone, that wants to spend anytime with me, if and when I do, I cannot be be in the business of assuming anything, until I know more about them.
diemjs
My stbx was married before for only like, 6 months. I thought nothing of it. Now, I dont know.
deleted_user
When I re-married, I did not look at his past marriage nor did he look at mine. We looked at each other for who we were. Now, the road we pave from that point on was related to our lives and not the past. So, now, I'm in the heartbreak boat again but, IF anyone special comes into my life again, I will not look at his past. It's not failure, it's a scrapbook of memories and from there, we hope to get wiser and stronger. Excuse the avatar...it does not reflect the intent of this message.
deleted_user
Everyone has a past--let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Having said that I guess I would find out what the problem in the marriage was. Having been married to a cheater who cheated on the wife before me(not with me though)--I won't date or marry a cheater again. Once a cheater--always a cheater.
deleted_user
Past relationships before me, wouldn't matter to me... especially now with divorce being so common and have gone through a "starter marriage" myself.... Things happen for different reasons and sometimes things just don't work out...
deleted_user
I do wonder what the reason was and if it truly was because of the reasons they stated. BUT..That has a lot to do with my major trust issues.
deleted_user
maybe i should have...but i didn't. i took a chance on him and got burned big time. don't know how i'll view things if i'm ever brave enough to meet another guy---guess i'll have to cross that bridge when i get there. not every guy is the same, i realize that, but its very hard to take a chance after you've been burned.
deleted_user
It might give me pause depending on the reasons for the split. But then again, I realize that perhaps a "seasoned" person may have learned a lot from past relationships, making him a potentially better partner.
deleted_user
No I don't. Some relationships work, some don't, it's not necessarily a reflection on the person. Is it a reflection on me that my ex walked ? I hope not. I hate to say it, but most people today are divorced - well, 'singles' anyway. So, the answer to your question is no, I do not.
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