Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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A Problem

I've met a woman whom I've fallen for, it was instant, the very first time I met her.

The problem is we are different to one another, she has been married twice, and to the same types of people.  I am a different type and as a result she isn't into me.  She says she is looking for someone different (like me) but how does she successfully do that if she only knows one type of person?


She is a classic like father like partner type.  Her father labelled her as stupid in her childhood, and both of her husbands have treated her as if, how does she break the mould and get into someone like me?

Replies

bobbyu
bobbyu

If she only knows one way to be treated then that's most likely what she'll default to. Maybe you can show her what its like to be treated with respect and dignity. She probably thinks that all men are one way, and trust me, they're not. She'll be scared but hopefully your kindness will prevail. But who knows?
sjs777
sjs777

she would have to want to change to do so. you certainly could ask (in time) what specifically she is looking for as opposed to generalities (just don't rush things or jump to conclusions so early on).... have you read the 5 love languages?
sjs777
sjs777

be you. hoping things work out fantastically for you
PeteMason
PeteMason

"Maybe you can show her what its like to be treated with respect and dignity." I would have no trouble doing that because such comes naturally to me, however, the problem with this suggestion is, that although a good one, she is not into me for me to apply to.

I believe that if she is sincere about meeting someone different then she needs to change what comes naturally to her to something different, I'm uncertain as to whether she knows how to do that, and I doubt she can simply do it alone.
sjs777
sjs777

nurture the relationship, make her smile, things will evolve and you'll have so many further answers in time
sjs777
sjs777

live in the moment, overthinking at such an early stage could be too much too soon and could very easily smother her
PeteMason
PeteMason

I'm into her, she has shown no interest in me at all in like way, all she had told me is she is interested in finding someone different to what she has been used to, I happen to be that someone different without her realizing it, and that's my problem I guess more so than hers.
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle

She is interested in finding someone different and it ain't you. I'm sure she realizes you are "different", but you aren't "different" in the right way.
PeteMason
PeteMason

The distinct difference between us is that as a child her opposite treated her disrespectfully, whilst my opposite only ever treated me with love and respect, my mother loved me with a passion, her father no so.
PeteMason
PeteMason

You could be right Cora_Belle, so if she is used to being put down in a relationship, what is she looking for different to?
sjs777
sjs777

sadly, all the logic in the world won't change her openness to something more, if thats not what she wants with whomever
sjs777
sjs777

its more what she does, as she can say she wants change and either not know what that means or that old habits aren't broken
PeteMason
PeteMason

I personally believe that her words speak louder than her actions, I think fear of the unknown is something that for now I hope has a hold over her.
PeteMason
PeteMason

I agree sjs777, in order to fulfill her desire she must be willing to recondition her thinking, something that is easier said than done.
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle

How old are you? how old is she?
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