Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Last night was really, really hard. It was the last day and night that my ex would be spending at our apartment. While some of it was spent talking and crying, a lot of it just felt so... normal. We even talked about how strange it was that everything felt so deceptively normal, and not at all like it was part of the end of something big.
I slept on the couch, and he was up all night. He'd occasionally come out for water, which would wake me, and I'd lie there and wonder if he looked in on me at all. Now I'm unlikely to see him until his final moving day on Saturday. He's going to move all of his bedroom furniture out during the day tomorrow. So I'll come home, and need to set up my 'new room,' putting his things off to the side for Saturday and trying to cope. He'll come back for smaller things Saturday, and we'll say goodbye, and then he'll have to leave and we'll have to stay apart for a while.
I can't imagine it. It still doesn't feel real. For all of it's faults, I've loved this life. And now I have to move forward without him, knowing he's nearby and that we are both hurting. Paranoid that his overall feelings for me will fade (not just the romantic love, but the love you have for important people in your life), and that I'll be left caring for him more always. I know that I have to let go of this desperate need to feel important to him, but I can't yet.
I don't know how I'll get through work the next few days. So much to do, and so little attention I can give it. I just want to fast-forward, so badly.
I slept on the couch, and he was up all night. He'd occasionally come out for water, which would wake me, and I'd lie there and wonder if he looked in on me at all. Now I'm unlikely to see him until his final moving day on Saturday. He's going to move all of his bedroom furniture out during the day tomorrow. So I'll come home, and need to set up my 'new room,' putting his things off to the side for Saturday and trying to cope. He'll come back for smaller things Saturday, and we'll say goodbye, and then he'll have to leave and we'll have to stay apart for a while.
I can't imagine it. It still doesn't feel real. For all of it's faults, I've loved this life. And now I have to move forward without him, knowing he's nearby and that we are both hurting. Paranoid that his overall feelings for me will fade (not just the romantic love, but the love you have for important people in your life), and that I'll be left caring for him more always. I know that I have to let go of this desperate need to feel important to him, but I can't yet.
I don't know how I'll get through work the next few days. So much to do, and so little attention I can give it. I just want to fast-forward, so badly.
Hang in there. Take care of yourself first over the next few days. don't try to do too much, just try to distract yourself and keep busy as best you can. Try to surround yourself with comforting things and other loving people in your life. Hang in there.
give yourself time to heal and don't try to rush your feelings. its all part of the process. your heart and soul need time and space to heal when its hurt. and i know that sounds like a painful thing but I promise it gets better with time.
You sound like someone who is very introspective and understands their feelings better than many. I wish you the best of luck tonight and for the rest of the week. take care and i'll keep checking on your posts know that there is someone out there in the world who is thinking of you, can relate, is going through something similar and wishes you peace. **hugs**
Getting through the day yesterday was really hard. I came home and had to move things out of our room, so that he can move out his furniture. I also brought boxes from work for him, and ended up packing up a lot of his books... I couldn't help myself. I think it helped things to feel more real. He's supposed to move his furniture today, but now it's raining all day, so I'm nervous about what I'll be coming home to tonight.
After he left on Friday I had six of my girlfriends over for "slumber party" on Saturday. Lots of laughter and distraction. That helped. But when they left on Sunday - dead silence and the reality of my new situation hit my full force. I am trying to take it minute by minute, hour by hour. Today I set a baby step goal for myself. That I would make it through my work day without crying. I have a 1/2 hour left and so far have kept within my goal (although there were a few close calls).
I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to give you as this is all so fresh and new to me but one thing that has helped has been the realization that my story is actually not unique. I can't believe how many postings on this site read as though I myself could've posted them. It helps a little knowing I'm not completely alone in these awful feelings. Be good to yourself and set tiny goals.
First, I almost came home too early. Right as I was getting ready to leave work, my roommate let me know that the ex was running late and would be at the apartment until 6:30. So I had to wait around, anxious as anything, to when it was "safe" to go home, even though the whole time I just wanted to rush home and see him before he left.
When I came home, the room was a mess. It wasn't really a surprise - I think it had been a long day of moving in the rain, and he was in a hurry to get out before I came home. He left a note on the floor (I'd left one for him the night before), thanking me for bringing him boxes, and apologizing for leaving the room a mess. Then he started to write 'Hope' but scribbled it out and just signed his name. It made me sad. So I started clearing his things out of the room, putting them in a kind of 'nook' area of the living room so everything would be together. My roommate and another friend came and helped me put together the new bed, and get things settled. The room looks completely different, which I think is helpful but also hurts my heart. I know what it "should" look like. What it looked like when we were there together, relaxing in bed on a lazy Saturday morning, or eating Chinese food and watching our favorite shows together. It hurts, so much.
He had left his jacket with his car key in it, so he had to come back for them. My roommate was going to bring them to him in the lobby, but I insisted on going. I couldn't help myself. I also wanted to give him his towels/toiletries and a charger he'd forgotten. I had been planning to put his towels with the rest of his things, but they smelled so much like him that I burst into tears immediately and knew they had to go. So I brought him a bag of those things and his coat/keys. He looked so tired. We both were so sad. He said he'd scribbled out the 'Hope' in his note because he realized he just didn't know what to say. We didn't talk long, and then I had to walk away and he had to leave... it was the worst.
Now I'm just miserable. I miss him so much. And I know I'll still have to deal with Saturday, when he comes for the rest of his things. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to accept that this is over, that it's the reality, and that I have to find a way to move forward on my own. I think there will always be a part of me that will hope that he realizes down the line that he doesn't actually want to be on his own for forever... that he does want to build a life with someone. And that, if that moment arrives, he realizes he should be building it with me. I know I'm going to need to let this relationship go and try to move on, but I don't think I'll ever let it go completely.
Why oh why does this have to hurt so badly? :(