Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
In my 7 years of marriage, mostly I was crying or angry or frustrated. It seems I was suffering from depression episodes which I didnt realise and so took no action to help myself. He must have got sick of me. While 70% of our married life, I was this way, 30% we might have been happy. But that 30% may not have been enough. Can I really blame him if he finds a refreshing change in a happier woman? If depression is a reason contributing to the failure of my marriagem, it absolves him of adultrey. He couldnt take me any more I guess, especially when I started drinking too much--a common occurence in depression. And I 've read that marriages with one partner with depression have a 99% chance of ending up in a divorce.This horrible realisation makes me feel awful cos it almost justifies him wanting another woman ...afterall you live only once..and who would want to live with a woman who's always upset about things. I need to add however, I did do things for him, our home and daughter that showed I cared ...but it was not enough. So the depression being a contributing factor absolves him of the betrayal in a way and I come to the conclusion, this illness has been my worst fate. :(
Take responsibility for your own actions only.
If it were not the current other woman, in the future will be another. Affairs are not about you. They are about the person who engages in affairs.
I've known couples where one of the spouses suffer from the depression and the spouse who does not suffer empathizes with their spouse's depression and are understanding.
Sorry you are hurting.
My ex-husband cited my depression as a reason for leaving. Funny, he didn't mention the other women he was seeing. This is not about you; this is about your ex going through what could very well be the "seven year itch." Which he apparently decided to scratch.
His choice.
Keep getting yourself healthy. As in AA meetings, counseling, whatever it takes. And keep coming back here. You will get lots of support.
Please DO NOT blame yourself for his infidelity......i have been back and forth trying to blame myself for him not wanting to be with me because my OCD and anxiety was making him insane....he would embarrass me and almost yell at me if i would be repeating myself as I did constantly with windows and tv volumes and lights.....i still keep wondering WAS I THAT bad??? Don't you dare blame yourself.....He was your husband he should have saw the signs and did his part to help you!!! Just like my husband instead of breaking me down.....why didn't he show me the way to help not hurt me!! Now I am getting treatment for my OCD and anxiety NO THANKS to his insults! Be true to yourself and NO BLAMING!! i'm sure this is just one of the horrible steps of divorce we go thru is blaming ourselves.....Cheer up!!Huggs to you!!!
Yes, living with a depressive mate is exhausting, frustrating, irritating and disappointing. But that does not absolve him from taking responsibility for cheating.
If he was so miserable, he should have left you first. That would have been the better choice.
I have lived with my husbands depression for over 24 years. I have never ONCE entertained the idea of cheating on him. Yes my life has been hard, yes he has hurt me terribly by his behaviors, yes I am not happy....but right is right and wrong is wrong no matter what the underlaying problem is.
Use this opportunity to regroup. It is good that you now have a handle on your depression. That is the first step in managing it well. Knowlege is power and if you can grow and handle your emotions better or at the very least be able to articulate your limits, you will be a better person and will be able to find a relationship that works regardless of your depression.
YES, I am taking treatment-anti-depressants. I dont know why he didnt realise or help--I had told him I have this problem , but depression is an illness which many cannot understand. Atleast when I starting binge-drinking, instead of calling me 'disgusting', he should have taken me for help immediately.
Ok--I've already gone through the self-blaming phase. Satinecat, I am still doing the job: wanted to quit but my psychiatrist told me not to--am glad I didnt--the work does make me feel better.
THANKS again for your support !
Stick with the treatment/medication--you're worth it. No matter how he CHOSE to act, remember that... you're worth it, and he acted with zero integrity.
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