Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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a bit of peace

Elandlu2
Elandlu2

For the first time since this all started I had a brief interlude of peace this evening. The past couple of days have been hard for me--I've been missing him horribly, and questioning myself. I've been angry and hurt. But for maybe an hour or two I felt calm, and had a feeling that everything was going to be all right. I'm not believing that the hurt is over--it is trickling back and I expect it to roll back in like thunder at some point--but it was a blessing. A glimpse of better times ahead. I can do this.

Hebrokeme
Hebrokeme
Hold on to those moments. Im missing mine too.
cbhmom
cbhmom
I pray I will have those moments soon, right now it seems so far away
teddyT123
teddyT123
Hold on to it, And yes, it will roll back hard in the near future. It’ll left you breathless and make you think a bout all the possible outcomes, all the “if”. When it happen I need you to be strong, find those moments and try to realize and accept that it’s over and remember that it will be better soon, no pain last forever. Be strong and keep moving forward ok? Have faith and good luck to you
Elandlu2
Elandlu2
Thanks teddy--I just read your message--it helped a little. Thank you. The thunder hit today--been up since 4:30 fighting just to get through the day. I saw my granddaughters today--almost cancelled because I felt so horrible, but my kids encouraged me to go. And yes, for awhile laughing and playing with the 2-year old and holding the 2 month old in my arms gave a respite. But after a couple of hours I hid in the bathroom crying my eyes out. No one said anything, but I think it was pretty obvious. Found myself driving the hour home wondering if there was a good spot I could just step on the gas and fly off the road--hopefully into oblivion. Found myself composing a suicide note in my head. Tonight I'm drifting down those dark roads again--eying the pills in the medicine cabinet, wondering if there is a place in this apt I could hang from (there isn't)....thinking again, as I have so many times these past 2 weeks, that it's a good thing I don't have a gun in the house. That would be too easy and tempting.
In my mental suicide note I wanted to tell him, that while he thought he was having fun and games, it was real, live, horrific pain to me, and it going to take a long time for me to recover. Wonder if he ever gave a thought to how much he hurt me. I couldn't imagine hurting someone I loved that way.
teddyT123
teddyT123
To be honest with you, I don’t think that he care at all.
I know my pain is little compare to yours. But I have experienced enough to know that if they can leave you than they don’t care anymore. Some when they left might say something along the line of “I’m doing this because I cared for you” “I love you so much and don’t think that I’m worth your time” “i’m Hurt too but there’s no other way”...etc.... don’t buy into that. That just their ways of saying I don’t want you anymore, i’m Bored of you, tired of you. Be strong and try to know that they’re not worth your time.
teddyT123
teddyT123
And try not to think about suicide ok? Whenever you have thoughts about doing dump things, think of your grandkids. How they will be devastated to loss you. Be strong, time will cure your wounds. Be patient