It took me about two years to stop having my heart race at the sound of a pop top.... (like the sound of a beer opening).

I guess I got over it with a combination of my kids' love, having found people on here to talk about it with, getting exposed to the sound in non-threatening situations, and well, time.

I know people who came back from Iraq and did EMDR as well as other therapies.

Thanks Patti . I will have to look into EMDR and i work on it in therapy weekly. I mean this was a major blow to my ego. i mean I am a big strong man and should not have issues with what a woman has done or said to me. I just find that I shy away from confrontation and dont even bother to stick up for myself anymore. Especially with women.

I know what you mean by sound setting it off to. I hear it in someones voice or even read a mood in someones writing/texting and it sets me off into flight mode. :(

nature, exercise, solitude, and hanging with men friends doing men stuff will fix you right up. don't be afraid to just pick up and move to montana or someplace really remote if it is good for your nerves.

some men who have been through long marriages with women who were drama queens like your ex - never even want to date another woman again. and, who could blame them one bit.

people who have sensitive constitutions can't let themselves be in the middle of drama very long and lord knows that this world is full of people who love chaos and tension. they make everything as hard as it can possibly be. so, a slower, peaceful life of hiking in the woods, fishing, and nature might be just what you need to unwind your frayed nerves.

good luck to you and know that your system can heal up pretty quickly if you immerse yourself in things that are very good for you. :)

Thanks Faithful !

I enjoy doing a lot of man things! LOL I am an avid fishermen and hunter. I just got sucked into the drama that was my Ex. I dont hold any ill will tword women. I just cant stand confrontation with them.

wow. i can't believe that i was right on with my nature suggestions. your outdoors stuff will calm your nerves. i'm counting on it to do the same for me.

when i am on dating sites and i read stuff like: "I want a man who makes me laugh or I'm still looking for my Prince Charming," it makes me want to grab my fishing poles and fly to a remote Canadian lake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwRrKaq0IyY

My first round of therapy in dealing with multiple rapes was very intensive - I talked, journaled, exercised it out. When all the dust settled from that several years later I was ready for EMDR therapy. That helped me tons. The therapist who did the EMDR therapy for me still diagnosed me as having PTSD - it was quite a suprise after all the intensive work I had done for close to 2 years with my prior therapist. Its tough stuff. I am sorry to hear you are coping with it.

What has your therapist recommended?

xoxo

EMDR was a godsend for me with my PTSD too

I really empathise with you!! It is horrible when things can take you right back to the abusiveness of one's ex.
This week I am having chest pains, and I couldn't work out what was causing it, and now I think it is just stress at the thought that my ex is going to be moving into an apartment with our eldest son back closer to my circulation area. (I found this out on Sunday)
I had been doing so much better when he was living way across town. The other thing that really triggered me was when a friend was letting of steam to me about things going on in his life, and the level of his anger in his voice really triggered the old awful feelings that my ex's temper used to do to me.

I find spending time in nature can really help restore the calm in me. I have a great screen porch on the back of my house, tucked in the woods, and I find I spend a lot of time just being quiet amongst the birds and meditating there.
I have also been going to regular CODA meetings and doing a lot of reading to come to understand what is my part in it all, and to detach from what was his mess and not allow that to still affect me. I am really working on it, and making progress, but I know it will not change overnight, but at least I am feeling a whole lot better within myself.

I've been told that I have this also from my marriage to my alcoholic husband. My husband has been out of house for four months and I STILL get nervous when I hear a car drive up for fear that it is him coming to fight with me and be verbally abusive. I agree that it will just take time.

I get freaked out when I see headlights in my front window because it might be my ex just "stopping by" to beg me to come back one more time. The last time he did it was on V-day and I really wasn't expecting it. Also loud, angry men freak me out - my father and ex were both like that - would vent all their frustrations at me, like it was my fault. Guess that's why I'm a very non-confrontational person. Keep working with your therapist - it does help.

Although I've never been officially diagnosed with PTSD, I believe I have some of the symptoms. It took almost a year for me to stop getting jittery and nervous at around 3 p.m. in the afternoon--this was the time my ex would be getting home from work and the verbal/emotional abuse would begin.

I also had the problem of hearing car doors shut and only in the last year do I not run to the window to check and make sure it's not my ex.

During the first year of separation, I would become physically ill at the thought of calling him--I feared the terrible verbal abuse and tirades. I finally got stronger just from being away from him and realizing that he is never coming back and if he does bother me, I have the law on my side and can file restraining orders and civil protection orders. This has brought me much peace.

I think many of us suffer from PTSD like symptoms from our years of dealing with our various spouses.

((((((hugs to you all)))))))

feels like it was only a short while ago I was in that place

really, my best wishes for you

Thank you all for the responces. It seems like we all have had bouts of or symptoms of PTSD do verbal/emotional abuse from our spouses.

I use to be a work aholic as i couldnt stand to be home getting screamed at for things that had nothing to do with me or were out of my control. I find no repreave from just about anyone male when it comes to this as I am a big guy and concidered a wimp that i couldnt stand up for myself with my little Ex-wife. The fact of the matter is that physical size had nothing to do with me allowing her to abuse me. I was raised to NEVER raise a hand to a woman. I have followed this belief my entire life. I could have easily resorted to physical violence in retaliation for the verbal and emotional i was recieving, but I chose not to because of my beliefs.

It was easier to just avoid or run from it and go to work. Then my children became the target of her anger and that is when I had to do something so i chose divorce. It is really to bad that I cant get a restraining order on her based on verbal and emotional abuse. Someday she will result to physical again and I will just have to wait for the right time to take action. The good and bad part of that is that my boys are now old enough to defend themselves. I am trying to bestow the same belief my father did in me to NEVER raise a hand to a woman. I have to do this so they grow up to be good men, but also to protect there mother from there anger when she abuses them.

Thanks again everyone!

What is EMDR. I've been trying to research ptsd but I'm exhausted. Decided to join group & get info from y'all.