well no wonder you are confused with the getting along, sex here and there then in almost the same breathe she says she still wants you out and is going through with the divorce. I guess one thing to learn that while you are putting value on her actions, she is not.

Fair is a word that can't be used in a situation like this. While its not fair what she is doing, she is not lying to you about what she is doing. Sure she is being nice and you two are sleeping together, but she is still moving forward, still going out with the guys and still doesn't care about your feelings towards her or the relationship, nor does she care to have a relationship with you.

I am sorry.

Of course her deadline is because you are not ok with her sleeping with you and going out and about on the town with her male "friends". So now, you need to get out, forget those nice interactions and the sex. You have no right to any feelings because she says so.

ridiculous...

You have no idea what to do? It appears you need to do is look for a place as you have about a month based on her deadline. Decide what works for your situation and take it. If the kids are important then all the things you listed should be on the priority list for where you decide to move.

What it appears you also need to do is not take her kindness or your getting along as a means of getting back together. You need to stop sleeping with her. Or at least if you sleep with her know, that is all it is, an act of physical sex. So if you are Ok with that, that by all means, continue to sleep with her cus who I am say to not. But if you are not, you need to stop letting her run the shit out of you. I know you still love her, dont want this, and so on... I get it ... but its clear where she stands and what she is doing to you isnt helping you come to terms with anything. Its only prolonging you from getting stronger and getting your mind, heart and shit (for a lack of a better word), together so you can move on.

do what you need to for You...

While your wife shouldn't get to dictate when you move out, it will probably be emotionally healthier for you when you do. Watching your spouse, in whom you are still emotionally invested, move on is torture. Personally I'm in a much better place not living with my husband although it was a tremendously painful process. While you can't go no contact because of your children, you may want to stop having sex with her. It sounds like it's making it harder for you to accept that she's moving on.

I know this is hard but, co-existing with someone who has basically ended the marriage in their mind, is very, very hard to deal with. Leaving was the hardest thing I did, years ago. I too, had 3 children 2 boys and a girl but, mine were small, 8, 6 and 4.

I would suggest that you get a place that is far enough away that you don't visibly see her coming and going. This would be a constant reminder to you of what once was and it will also keep the thought of her moving on and going out with her male "friends". Your older children will understand this situation better than the younger one. Focus on the support your kids need and do all you can to ensure they feel the security that you will always be there for them, whether you live 2 blocks away or 2 miles. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know how tough this is.

She wants the divorce...she's going out with friends like she's single...how come she can't move out?

I have the same question, why is it you that has to move out? If she wants to end the marriage and she's going out with male friends (which at this point IS your business) then she should be the one to leave. Your kids are fairly big and fairly independent- they should get to stay in their own home, but I see no reason why you can't be the parent staying in the home with them. That sort of makes it look like you are the one leaving the relationship and not her. If you want to stay then you stay and let her know where the door is if she wants a divorce.
I would see a lawyer about this as soon as possible, people do weird things like start causing trouble and having the other parent removed from the home based on lies.

Keep a little notebook to document things as well. Anecdotal notes, just for reference and, perhaps, later use.

Definitely would stop having sex with her, but I think about it as the kind of person I am: if the emotional shit is jacked up, then I have zero desire to get physical with someone.

I find it interesting when the one who wants the divorce, makes no move to actually do it. Sounds like she can't be bothered to make headway on it, but enjoys playing single.

In any case, this is not an ideal, emotionally sound way to live. You need to put YOU first...a better you is a better parent to your kids.

If she wants out let her go. No sex. You stay in the house. Time to get pissed off a little. She is walking all over you. Of course you hurt. The end of my marriage was the hardest time of my life . Rejection is beyond hard. Get a lawyer as well. Now. Protect yourself. Don't vacate the house until you get legal advice. My heart goes out to you.

I feel your pain, my friend. I am going through a very similar situation. Just moved out three days ago. Up until then, we were still having a great time together, still making each other laugh and still making love almost every night. Even though she said she wanted the divorce a month ago. I'm confused right along with you, brother. Painful stuff, this is...

Me moving out would be the easiest thing to do. She gets the house, I don't give her alimony. We want the divorce to be easy.

Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice. It really helps.

She's stepping out with other men and it's none of your business? Do these people read from the same script??

I SYMPATHISE WITH YOU BUT I AM SLOWLY GETTING PISSED AT THIS WOMAN. IF I MAY ASK, WHO INITIATES THE SEXUAL PART?

She tells me that there is nothing going on with them, they are just friends.

She initiated the first time, which was a shock to me, then I did. But now she is rejecting me again.

I really don't want the house. She ruined it, she is bordering on being a hoarder.

wow,, she is really jerking you around.. wants a divorce but still wants sex? I think maybe if you move out she'll change her mind about a divorce. I am guessing she doesn't really want one. Tough situation. She sounds very confused.

Amiee:

This happened six years ago. I moved out and i was about to sign the petition for divorce and then she changed her mind. She did the same thing, started going out with other men. We were separated for 9 months. I was devastated, I tried to commit suicide. it was a very difficult time for me. I was actually moving on with my life when she took me back. Even when we were dating she did the same thing. Broke up with me a few times and still cam e back to me.

That is why I am so confused. I keep thinking she will change her mind again.

Do you really want her to change her mind again? it's like agreeing to be used like a trash can, she goes out dirties herself and you are just hanging out waiting for trash to over load you with confused emotions
love yourself enough to walk away from anything that makes you unhappy, it's better you be alone and fight to get your life back on track than be warm in a house as a trash can