Valentines day is coming up in a couple of weeks, and while that's usually not the greatest holiday on this site, it has special meaning for me as I signed my divorce paperwork 5 years ago on Valentines day.

To make a short story long, I was working across the country during the holidays. Between Christmas and New Years, sitting in a hotel room, my wife of 12 years texts me (yes, texts) that she no longer wants to be together. We had been going to counseling a little bit, and things, to me at least, seemed much better. Obviously not all was revealed during counseling.
Come to find out, she had been having an emotional relationship with an old friend from high school. (She "never f-ed him, so it wasn't cheating" in her opinion.) A few weeks later, apparently life wasn't done kicking me in the stones, I got laid off. Due to owing more on the house than we owed, I had to move back home with her, separate rooms of course. The only good part was spending more time with our son, who was 6 at the time.
8 months later, I found a job, and shortly thereafter moved out on my own. A few months after that, we signed the paper work.

Today, I've been with a wonderful girlfriend for almost 4 years, and it's been the most wonderful and healthy relationship I've ever had. My ex has been remarried for a couple years now. We are really good at co-parenting, and our son has been very healthy through everything. While we're not really "friends", my ex and I have a great relationship that allows us to be open and honest with each other.

Why am I posting this? Because I remember. I remember what it was like, and probably always will remember. It was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. It changed me in ways I can't even count.
I lost 20 lbs on the divorce diet. I blabbered and cried on my mother's shoulder, as a 33 year old man. The emotional roller coaster - angry, happy, depressed, forgiving, hating, missing her, everything. I remember wondering how I was going to get through it.. If I would be messed up forever. The NEED to make sense of it all.. The constant analysis, why it all happened. What would I say if (when, dammit) she begged for me back. One day the answer was laugh in her face and tell her to F-off, the next it was yes of course my love..

I found DS, and was a part of those crazy days when this site was my family, my only friends, my support. The lighthouse through the fog. Ah, the drama of us old timers was legendary.
People told me what I needed to hear whether I was ready to listen or not. I dated a wonderful woman from this group when I had no reason trusting my emotional state to do so. (Still recommend not doing that..)
I remember figuring it all out and it still not mattering. I dated. I became quite the ethical man-whore (by my own standards). I moved on. I'm so much better now emotionally than I ever have been in my entire life.

So DS friends and family, I know you're hurting. I know you're trying to make sense of it all, I know you're all on the path to recovering from a gut-wrenching experience. I know because w as there. And I'm not alone.. There are so many of us that have made it through, many of them were worse off than I, and are now better people for it. I'm still friends on FB with a lot of them, they are normal people. (Well, most of them. You know who you are..)

So my message is this: don't forget to eat, and drink water. It's a process not an event. You'll heal at your own pace. It does get better. It really does just take time. All the silly things you hear over and over, they're true. Whatever you're feeling, people have felt it before, and will after you. You will get through this.
Take care of yourselves :-)