That's a tough one... Maybe send him a text or email offering support. I don't know your relationship or what you'd feel comfortable with so it's ultimately going to be your decision. There are options ranging from phone call, email, texting or personal visit but it's just up to you which one is best for your situation. Good luck!

Without knowing anything about your relationship with your husband and mother-in-law I'd say a basic expression of sympathy whether it be a phone call or flowers would be appropriate. My stepfather died in January and I didn't so much as receive a text from my husband while I was out of town at the funeral. I lost a great deal of respect for him and it fundamentally altered how I see him. It's never wrong to show basic decency.

Be there next to him, hug or rubbing his back should make him feel not alone.
Tell him, she lived a good full life (if you personally know her) and she is just going back to her resting place free from pain, suffering and worries.

This type response is basically based on where you presently stand with your husband and his family. I don't know if you are separated or divorced or what kind of relationship you had with this lady.

Kindness is seldom refused so, I would send a card, ,make a phone call or whatever your heart tells you to do. If there is still respectful relations between the two of you, attending her visitation or funeral would not hurt anything.

It depends on the relationship you had with her, not so much with your ex as to the type of communication, (ie. card, phone call, flowers, go to the wake/funeral), etc. You may even reach out in different regards where your ex is concerned as opposed to other members of the immediate family. You may even find it best to just send something to the general address provided where things can be received.

It all depends on what best expresses your feelings for her. In saying that, I most certainly would not send a text regardless. That is just so in-personal in such a personal situation. At least that is my thoughts on it.

Sorry for your loss.

Another thought is to remember that this is about your ex and his family. It is his family's memorial/services/funeral or whatever they decide for their loved one. It's hard to consider that his family may not look upon you as family any more and that does happen with some divorces.

Sometimes, the ex wife/divorcing wife may NOT be welcome at these events and can actually pull attention away from the mourning and respects to the deceased loved one, particularly if a comment from someone goes nasty or heated conversation ensues over something with you.

When my first husband died, and he died unexpectedly and very young, I had already been divorced from him for several years. I sent flowers for his funeral and a card to his parents and left it at that. I knew how badly this sudden death rocked his whole family and they were in such deep grief and shock over all this. I felt it was all about them and was their time to mourn him.

I know you are wonderful, kind and considerate and want to do the best because you're a good person. Let your ex guide you on this. But be realistic and if he doesn't want you there, remember that he may be bringing another woman with him.

Thank you all for your input. I have only really separated once from my husband. We came to be at his parents house so his mother could spend time with our daughter while she still could and his mom welcomed me to stay with them even if we decide to divorce. I have no issues with the family and they welcome me. I just feel helpless while they go arrange things and I'm left alone with my daughter. Thank you for your support. I had gained lot of respect for her in the short period of time that I got to know her.