Mine said I was a good person, but I was too dependent which stuck me funny for 2 reasons. He had originally complained I was too independent. The second reason it was funny? Right after he said I was too dependent...he asked me if I wanted him to take my car and have it inspected.... I stared at him like he had 2 heads. He never did get it.
There are some questions to which we NEVER find the answers. Accept that and it will help you considerably

Isn't that the truth....., no answers. It's so hard to be conflicted inside. I know I still have a little piece of me that looks back and thinks what if? I don't know what to do with that part of me, but the rest of me just keeps moving forward. It is getting better, it took a long time. I didn't realize it, but a lot of what I was feeling was natural grieving. Grieving takes time. Have you ever read Tear Soup? It's about grieving a death, but loosing a long time relationship is almost the same, (in a way, death is easier to deal with). It's an easy read, and it helped me a lot, if that would be something you were interested in. Big hugs.

I heard the same from mine... "You're a good guy, there is nothing wrong with you"..."it's nothing you did, I've changed"..."you deserve someone who is going to make you happy"...... Then about a month and a half later, "I fell out of love with you a long time ago"..."there's more to life than this"..."I can't go on living life this way"....etc....

I guess it just depends on how they feel at the time.

The thing that always gets me is "if I'm such a good guy, why did you leave me?"...... I just let it go rather than go nuts analyzing it..

I've not heard f that book but I'll check it out.
Why can't people just be honest eh?

Wow johnzilla your ex and mine must have read the same breakup for dummies book lol that was word for word what she said to me

One of my friends in reply to me saying I don't know why this happened said some things just aren't meant to be.
That's bull. There is always a reason that something has or hasn't worked.
I just want him out of my head. He is even in there when I sleep.
some of my friends have said a similar thing without ever saying it around each other.
they want me to be my happy self again.
It's hard to remember what she's like.

Sheesh, that is rough. It's good the things said about you are positive. But not understanding anything does a lot to prevent closure.

The hard truth is that he really had reasons, his own reasons. They may not make sense to others but they made sense to him. It could be a feeling of inadequacy, or he may have deeper emotional issues where when things are going good he leaves, maybe something form his childhood.

I'm happy for you those comments are nice but sorry that you don't have something more concrete to comprehend.

He did mention a few times that he didn't love me like I deserved, didn't appreciate me and was selfish.
Again, this doesn't help me.

When he emailed he said he wanted to maybe make this a better ending than the way we left it.
It's really not. It's still ended. And for whatever reason he has.
Whatever. I loved him to bits. I thought he did too until the second he spat out the truth. Only a few months after asking me to live with him.

Sorry your going through this Hurt it sounds like your brain works a lot like mine just a constant flow of thought running through it taking you where it wants. Don't you wish there was a switch to just turn it off. The old it's not you it's me never makes anyone feel better. Hugs to you....:)

Most definitely Jack. A switch would be pretty good about now. Though I would never turn it back on!

Good question and I can see how it would be eating at you. People just leave because they outgrow the relationships, they are no longer happy in it, etc. Is it selfish? - perhaps. But as humans people seek what they want/need and seldom do they put anyone else's needs before their own. I am not sure that I would do that myself either so when people are selfish I am not sure it shocks me.

My recommendation to you would be to stop asking yourself a milliion questions on focus on recovering from your loss. A loss is already too much to deal with to on top of that try to sort out or figure out what's going through someone else's mind or what are they motives. I am not sure it matters any longer. What matters is that they decided to leave and we have no choice but to move on with our lives.

Best wishes to you.

Yeah. Its just changing how I think. I can't control those thoughts and I do think these things a lot. I mostly dont mean to and deffo don't want to.

Maybe we are not meant to understand eachother.
Brain of female and male are wired very differently. If all the other distractions (external and internal things) life throws at us arent enough, we even have our fundamental wiring of brain different.
I dont think opposite sex can understand each other as much as same sex understanding each other.
Maybe the reason we are attracted to opposite sex is not because we are simply better compatible to each other, its because of our past human ancestors behaviours which is simply to focus on reproduction (for our human species survival).
Woman wants to feel connected through use of communication as they cannot read (well no human being can) minds of people other than their own. However, men generally dont like to communicate. (Im not saying all men are like this as there is individualism always exists in the group. Some man are masculine and some are feminine etc..)
One thing for sure is that after reading some of your posts, I think what you and your ex was looking for is simply different.
Your ex was looking for fun, pleasure and excitement which why he asked for food or sex in spare time. He is restless guy, he is not looking for joy, happiness nor life general contentment , he wants pleasure and he think this is the happiness in his life.
You were happy with small thing, able to appreciate small things, enjoyed time together even if there was nothing particular going on with each other. You know what simple joy and contentment is, the thing is, your ex doesnt see it.
I will tell you this, you think that he has become more mature man since he left you right?
If he truly became mature man, he should have come back to you. The main reason he wanted out in the first place was because he was immature. His immaturity is that fact that he wanted fun, stimulating life. I can assure that if he doesnt stop this un-fulfilable/unsatisfiable desire and wanting, he is going to have one hell of meaningless life and hence his life will be miserable in long run. You can say he is sacrificing long term peace, joy and contentment for short term fun and excitement.
What he said is true, you are nice/kind person, it just that he is not happy in his own terms which is no fun and no stimulants which is going back to prove that he is immature kid.
Full grown adults shouldnt be looking for fun and excitement; they should be looking for joy/peace and contentment in life which is what you are looking for.
Because you were with him for long time, you will remember him from time to time (brain does good recollection from time to time even though you dont want to remember thing). Seeing him and communicating with him closely may have become a habit for you so maybe that why you keep remembering him and misses him. When anything becomes a habit, its gets bit hard to break it.
You might want to make another habit on top of that to cancel them out. Like for example, whenever memories come to surface, you simply acknowledge that they are coming in and just tell yourself you are letting go of it. Do this few times every time your brain does recollection of past, it will probably gets easier and easier