Well, you need to do it one day at a time. You need to start disengaging from him. Don't have contact with him. Start putting boundaries up. Start separating yourself from him and your couple hood. Your divorce has been in progress for three years, and in that time he hasn't come back. I'm so sorry to say, but I don't think he will. You deserve someone who wants you for you, all of you. I'm sorry you are hurting.

Thanks for being honest. I hurt every single day and I feel like I"m not getting any better. How do I let him go? It hurts so much.

I range between minute to minute with tears to hours. It hurts like hell. I would say it is more like living without a heart, numb. But I am living.

They say time heals all wounds, but I've been suffering for almost three years now. When is the pain going to stop?

1. It can't be ALL your fault. 2. I doubt the man you fell in love with would have ever told children that he hates you. If he's telling them things like that, then the man you fell in love with doesn't exist anymore. You mourn for the man you fell in love with, you mourn for your marriage, and then you focus on making yourself healthy. Try to remember who you were before you met him - that's the hardest part.

I'm with sja. A divorce in progress for three years? Get it done!

I know you still have feelings for your husband, but it is clearly over. Why can't you get over it? Because it is still dragging on!

You will need to make a clean break in order to get past this. Not sure what your relationship is with "his children", but you can either go completely no contact or can only be in contact regarding the children. In either case, you need to shut off all contact and communication with him that is feasible to do. Then you can begin to heal.

I know it's hard to shut off contact. But look at it this way - you have gone through three years of suffering and have not been able to heal properly. Is it that much worse to shut him out? Then you can start on the healing path for real. And likely in a year or so you will be in a MUCH better place.

Don't keep throwing your life away on someone who doesn't want you. I am experiencing it too, so I know how raw and painful it is. But I desperately want to get past the worst of this pain, and I know that moving on and going no contact/limited contact is the way forward.

Hang in there. Vent here, it helps. Write a journal if that helps you. Talk to close friends and family. Make a list of all of his faults, or all the ways he has treated you badly. Take him off his pedestal and realize that he is NOT good for you. It is hard - your brain is fighting your heart.

One final comment about time healing all wounds. I've read that that is not entirely accurate. If you persist in bad patterns, or in a bad emotional state (maintaining contact, wanting to maintain the relationship) then time will not do its healing. You need to have the right approach in order to let time work its magic.

Best wishes to you.

I would suggest googling baggage reclaim..it's a great website with terrific archived articles about being friends with an ex, especially one who has treated you badly. The author is from the UK and it's well done.
You HAVE to set boundaries. You have to cut him off in regards to everything except the kids and the divorce and only through emails and attorneys. You need to get this divorce completed. Otherwise you are perpetually stuck like you are now. There HAS to be separation.
Detachment. Uncoupling. You can do this! We've all been there or still there fighting the fight. You have one life and wasted 3 years mow holding onto the impossible. Gotta move on for you and your kid...take care

I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time. But you need to go no contact with him in order to extricate yourself from the emoitional cobweb and begin your healing process. I know it's extremely tough but you'll be better over time and find someone who deserves you and gives you joy and happiness. Take care and lots of hugs.