Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Okay, I filed for divorce from my husband and he is really angry at me. I told him it was coming and I guess he still didn't believe me. My husband keeps telling me that he won't negotiate on anything -- he wants to take away the house, my pension, have me pay him alimony -- and he doesn't give a damn if this hurts our daughter. At the same time, he is unemployed, has no money (although he has rich parents), and will not get out of the house). I have asked him repeatedly to leave and he won't go, but he sits around the house and does nothing to help, while I work full time. He won't clean, mow the lawn, change the cat box, or anything. . He barely engages with our daughter and he is being a complete grumpy beast. He is making my life miserable. He keeps saying he'll get an attorney, but then it never happens. I am not sure if he is bluffing me or not. He says his parents have given him money to fight the divorce, but the fact that he hasn't hired an attorney or gotten a place to live suggests that he is lying to me again.
I can file to have him removed from the house, but it means going to court and I am worried that my daughter will resent me. I wish he would leave. . . I am trying not to hate him for our daughter, but it is really hard. He does nothing useful. He has been unemployed for almost a year and he won't talk to me. I cannot take it.
I can file to have him removed from the house, but it means going to court and I am worried that my daughter will resent me. I wish he would leave. . . I am trying not to hate him for our daughter, but it is really hard. He does nothing useful. He has been unemployed for almost a year and he won't talk to me. I cannot take it.
I think this will pass.. He is still not willing to see that this ended. He is likely devastated in his own way and is doing everything he can to stop this from happening.
I don't know him, but when I was going through this stage I was kind, but firm. I never said anything negative about the father to my kids. I gave him a deadline.
He should eventually get himself together and leave. It will just take a bit.
The fact of the matter is he has rights. You can certainly get out of the marriage without his consent, but he's right, it may cost you.
It doesn't matter who's "right" or who's "wrong", everything will be decided according to the laws in your state.
Look up your states laws and you will find out what you are each entitled to and that should give you some security. You said you filed so I assume you are already working with an attorney. If you have retirement I highly stress you make sure everything is written out into the decree on how that is divided. You will need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order for that and it usually costs extra, but it will protect what you are entitled to.
Try not to react to his rants and threats. Whatever he says, don't respond with anything. I would just say, hmmmm, okay. My EX would rant at me during our divorce on the phone when he wasn't getting his way and I would just calmly say, This conversation is quickly going south, I'm hanging up now. Then I hung up. He quickly got the message I was not going to hear it.
Great resources on the Internet are: Divorce.com and Divorce360