Well Heave hon its ONLY been 4 weeks. You can't base your opinion on the dating world in such a short time. I know it seems like forever and the pain seems to be still so strong. But in another 4 weeks you will be even that much more healed. And another 4 weeks after that and 4 after that and so on.

So for now, find at least ONE thing that you have seen as a positive change in these past 4 weeks. Remember, getting over this comes in baby steps. Small moments that will add up to big changes.

its 5 1/2 weeks for me,and i know exactly what you mean,as for dating again,i dont think so for a while,who would want damaged goods,and i wouldn't want to bring all this BS into any new relationship right now

I have had two dates. They were absolute tragities. I am not damaged goods but I can tell you that the dating world is not the same place that I left 7 years ago. Then again, I always hated the whole dating thing. Probably why I loved married life so much. That just kills.

Dating really isn't fun. I always thought it would be since I got into a serious relationship at 17, I didn't really know what dating was about. Now, in my 30s I can tell ya, I would love to go back to the security of marriage.
I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things though.

Just talking to the wife via email. I hate talking to her because it really breaks me down. She still says that she is happy with the way things are because she is happy with her life now. I can't believe that I was that bad of a husband. Where did I go wrong?

It is so easy to look at it and blame myself. I know that I am not the only one who caused problems though. WHy is it me who looks at this and wonders these things?

4 weeks and your already dating. Holy shit man I can't begin to tell you what a mistake I think that is. Given what you've described lately you have no business dating right now.
None, zero, notta.
If your not thinking of the other person think of yourself. You need to get your house in order before you invite someone in.

I have order in my house. I have a direction that I am moving in and I know what I want and who I am.

My career is back in order, my living conditions are back in order, my finances are in order, and my emotional status is in check.

I am just testing the water right now. Just don't like the temperature

Three weeks ago you were still in love with your wife. Sorry man your either really shallow or a train wreck waiting to happen. My two cents mate, take it the way it was intended. I don't think your being honest with yourself.

it's been a yr. now and i'm feeling ready to start dating again, i actually met someone a couple of weeks ago, met him in person once, let the codependency kick in and the crap from past relatioship. so, not as ready as i thought, so taking it a bit more slowly, give yourself some time. sock is right, 4 weeks from now it will be better and so on and so on. hang in there.

No decent women in a whole four weeks - then I'd just friggin give up... Maybe you're down in the dumps not because she's dating but that you're not?????????????

Okay...I am definately not shallow. I still love my wife and I will always love her. I am not going to dwell on what will not be. She doesn't want to be married to me and there are no chances of us getting back together.

I am moving on.

I agree with Bernie. Take some time to heal before you jump back out there. Ge t comfortable being with yourself before you try to date. My point is this, you are going to end up hurting someone else, if you still love your wife, You shouldn't be bringing someone else into this. Thats Trouble.

I'm not usually one to place an arbitrary time frame on when it's okay to start dating again, and I try not to assess whether someone else is ready to date or not. Still, I can't help but feel you're not ready to date, Heave.

You say you still love your wife. That, in and of itself, is probably a red flag. It's fine to still have feelings for your ex, but you're only four weeks out. I can't help but feel that those two factors in combination indicate that you need to spend some time by yourself coming to terms with where your life is before trying to bring someone else into it.

Is Sandy on to something? Are you dating because she is?

If not, what are you hoping to get out of it? More importantly, what do you have to offer a woman right now?

A relief from loneliness is, to me, an acceptable answer to the first question, but there needs to be a good answer to the second. Right now, in spite of your statement to the contrary, I don't know that your emotional state truly is in check. Part of you is still with your wife. Before you really start dating in earnest, I'd say you want to be in a position to be able to give yourself over entirely to a new woman, and I don't think you're there now.

I want you to know that I started dating too soon, too. At the time, I knew what I was doing was pretty selfish and shallow: I wanted to be wanted by another woman. I wanted validation.

Be honest with yourself: Is this what you need right now?

And, if it is only that, that's ok - but that's not dating Heave - that's scratching an itch.

Hey Heavetoo,

Afraid I have to agree with Bernie, Sandy, and Frank. Based on what you're telling us, I think maybe it's too early.

It sounds like you still have strong feelings for your wife and marriage. Think about the date from the woman's point of view. I know if I were on a date with a man and he was still in love with his stbx and thinking about her, I wouldn't like that. I would feel like I was being used. You owe it to the other person AND yourself to be totally honest and really ready.

Four weeks is not a lot of time. Think about it.

Peace and hugs.