Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The closer I get to Monday, the more scared I get. I'm so nervous I'm nauseous. I've prayed that he won't flip out but deep down I know he will. He's never been violent towards me... in fact the only thing he's ever done in 16 years of being together was push me twice when I was pregnant. But he screams and throws things, slams doors so hard the trim breaks. The last time I tried to leave he picked up my suitcase and threw it against the wall. He's scary when he's that mad. He scares our kids and scares me. I don't know what to do. I WANT TO leave. I HAVE to leave but dammit, I'm so scared of how he'll react.
I would do it in a public place. Go for a walk in a busy park with lots of people around. Take him for coffee.
If you feel like those are not options, then call someone and have them near by your house and have them be ready to come in.
You don't have to have a conversation. What conversation can there possibly be? You've made a unilateral decision. So you make it and go. Or kick him out, or however you handle it.
Don't get bogged down in minutiae. Don't let yourself get tunnel vision. You're not going to be able to agree to this. You're not going to see eye to eye. If you saw eye to eye, you'd be able to make this work. So... just walk away. Let him figure out whatever he figures out alone, when the walls come crashing down and he realises he's played and lost.
Do NOT do this alone. Have the kids stay somewhere else, and have a big male family member or friend with you. He can just be outside the front door, sitting on the porch, but make sure stbx knows he's there. If you don't have a guy available, have multiple women there. He's less likely to cause trouble when there's an audience around.
Don't expect him to agree to anything. Dumb me, I "asked" for a divorce. Like I thought we could be responsible mature adults and separate amicably. Tell him you are divorcing him. Don't ask for permission. Tell him, make the necessary comments, and end the conversation. I'm assuming you have an exit plan in place. I'm hoping you've copied important documents, so the pissed off stbx can't jeapordise your divorce proceedings. Don't underestimate him - I fear you already do by the comment that he hasn't been violent. Know that he will only get worse.