I think the same thing much of the time. Thank you for the encouraging words.....may we all have a blessed 2014. I don't want to see people hurt anymore. It is heartbreaking.....

I wish I had your faith, but I'm beginning to think the end of my road is coming soon. I think I've made my peace with the fact that my wife has changed and that she feels there is no longer a place in her life for me, for our marriage, even though it still hurts tremendously. I'm getting things in order, a clean break will be better. I don't think she will grieve much.

it has to get easier. it will.

I don't believe we are "meant" to travel this road. It's something that happens. Believe it or not, sometimes, even after the pain and devastation, we come out better.
In many many ways I am happier than I've ever been. My finances are ok. I've been able to do things we always said we'd do but never actually happened until we were no longer together. My friendships have become so much deeper and meaningful. My life is not about him anymore. Now I get to focus on ME, which has never happened before in my life.

Life shouldn't be about 'he' or 'she' but about 'we.' I think that so many relationships fall victim to this (mine included). Both need to be fully committed.....and so many are not.

You have to keep a keen sense of yourself in a marriage, but I think you also have to keep the 'we' at the forefront as well. Both spouses need to keep their identities in tact AND work on being together as one.

It is WAY too easy nowadays to just quit and move on. When things get tough, rather than relying on the love that was supposed to be so strong on THE day, one or the other decides to 'check out' and not do the work needed to keep a relationship strong.

When one spouse is hurting, the other promised to be there 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health', but that has gone by the wayside way too often.

I am as much responsible for the end of my relationship as she is, but there is one big difference. I was 'lost' within myself and didn't realize the hurt I was causing. On the other hand, she decided not to share her feelings, fears, and concerns and looked elsewhere for comfort. I was wrong.....and I know it all too well. But doing someone else is never the answer.

I find when the going gets rough, some people decide it is easier to move on to the next

RickOS I believe you are right. My stbx focused on whatever made him happy amd what he wanted while I focused on us and us as a family. When I lost my job and got laid iff he blamed me stormed out of the house refused to take my calls/text and then when he dis come back late he slept in another room. He blamed and still blames me for everything wrong in his life. Never there for when I was hurting even though I was there for him.

RickOs..that is exactly what happened to me! I was in a deep depression and didnt realize what it was doing to our marriage and "us". Instead of talking to me about it, he went looking elsewhere.
He's very conflict avoidance. Just easier for him to find someone else tan to talk to me and try to work things out.
In fact when I found out about her...he told me she was just an "ear" when he didnt have anyone to talk to...uh huh....Went to an online dating site looking for an "ear"....riiiiiight.

One of the hardest things for me, and also one of the most valuable, was when the lessons I took from it all. Reflecting on our marriage, our flaws, my shortcomings, his shortcomings, all of it. Of course, like the old saying goes, hindsight is always 20 20, but while it was difficult at different points, I feel my life and self-awareness was greatly enhanced.

I agree that 2014 will kick butt, guys! Let's make it happen!

I'm with you on this Jan. I too still asks myself why it happened when it did. I could not reply to his messages because I was in hospital, then he was not the same when I came out of hospital. Together for 4 1/2 years and it meant nothing.

I too hope that 2014 has got to be a better year for us. I've never been a believer in "13" being bad luck....

They say, "ask, believe and receive"