i think moving away will for sure help, especially being able to be around people who love and support you. Good luck to you. I know how you feel....boy do i wish i could just get up and go. fresh starts are always a good thing!!

I live in Austria but honestly I do envy you guys in America. You simply move into a complete different state, I don't know, drive twelve hours and land somewhere away from your exes or STBXs and be still within the same country. You don't have to change citizenship, language or frontiers, you simply are still in your homeland. I love Austria, I really do, but since my husband left me with two premature babes (twins in my case too mama04) I have felt like packing my suitcases and leave with these two. Just drive far far away where he can't find us but I can't do it...

It has taken me 6 years and 2 split ups to get on with it. I am not married to this man so it may be easier. I am really going to micc so much about him and our dogs but for my mental preservation I can't live with him any more. I am going home where I have the love and support of family and friends. How to break the pattern with him?

Have a good trip back to warm and wonderful AZ.
I guess the easiest way for now is just to concentrate on your move, your future and the people who love you. If you start to think of him---switch thoughts to anything pleasant, focus on yourself. It doesn't sound like he deserves your time thinking about him.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))0

Thanks for all your kind words. Leaving tomorrow. He is being nice and we are getting along and right now that works.

It is tough to start over. I moved 3 states away,but with no support here. I found that keeping busy helps, but contacting does not help.
I am trying to break the cycle myself, so I guess I cant be much help...but do wish you the best of luck
((hugs))

It's best to go no-contact after you move. Since you're not married, and I'm assuming you have no kids together, there really shouldn't be anything to discuss with him. It's hard to cut someone off, but it becomes much easier to move on when you do.

Yep. Distance breaks a lot of patterns. I think it's the smartest move you could make.

Thanks everyone for your help. As my friend says, 6 years ago when you met him, you had a house, car, camper, boat and now you don't even have a penny to your name. I am such a dumb ass and still having a hard time cutting him off. Being across the country helps but he wants to come here and of course he wants me to pay. IS HE OUT OF HIS MIND OR AM I. Just wanted to vent today.

Plus, I really feel he was verbally abusive but I'm not sure really what that is. I do know he is a manipulative person. the abuse was like he would say I was lazy, and messy and wouldn't let me drive his car after he manipulated me to sell my car because it needed lots of work, etc. I am so unhappy today. sorry for all the rants.

You are not a dumbass, you are a strong woman who had more courage than most would.

Why does he want to come there? And as far as you paying? Heck to tha NO!!!

Stay strong, vent all you want! Get it out girl!

Don't pay his way, and further don't even see him. Why would you want to? He's not good for you. Stop the contact.

The only way to break the cycle is to convince yourself this person is no longer what is best for you and once you convince yourself then moving on will be a little easier for you. Sorry you are having a hard time.

Hi Andrea,
You made a list of all you had before you met him.
For heavens sake do not pay his way and tell him tp stay where he is.
You have to think of yourself.
You ARE a strong woman who is now across the country.
I know you can do this and you will have a much happier life!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

its that crazy codependence with me plus he is my address for ssdi but that's almost over, just got off the phone with them today and my case has gone to a review board and could take another month. I don't want ssdi to know I am in AZ. I think I may float in the pool today and not think about anything. You all are so helpful. He wants to come here because he knows I will have money and be closer to his dad who has money,