Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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29 years and i stayed way too long

Danielt
Danielt

My wife is an alcoholic and suffers from Rheumatoid arthritis, and I think depression.


She lost her job 20 years ago, she became a stay at home mom and did good, but when we started having financial problems, she wouldn't help, she smokes and drinks a lot and that pretty much costs alot and is a big turn off to me. I started going to alanon, and we started drifting apart. I consider myself superman making good money, taking good care of the kids and do way more than my share of household chores. I've been to counseling and its all about self care, I'm good at that, but my wife could care less about my needs. We rarely have sex, like once a year if shes drinking and because i always plan a trip away on our anniversary. We rarely sleep together because she snores real bad and i hate the smell of beer and smoke. I've approached her on drinking, smoking, snoring, but she does not seem to care.


I stayed together too long, mainly for the kids, and i couldnt afford the stress or lawyers and alimony.


We tried counseling and she felt it was a waste of time. We started again last month, but she is clueless and unwilling to change, and i'm sooo done, i just want someone to help me  stay strong and leave respectfully, maybe just separate at first. 

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. You need to see a lawyer and see what your options are. Your wife needs more help than just counselling. She needs a complete medical evaluation. That includes mental health assessment. My ex is a closet alcoholic. We did not sleep together for years because of his drinking. He would come to bed smelling of wine. I had to get up the next morning and could not get a good night sleep. Have you talked to your children about their mother? But do not put her down or talk bad about her. You cannot continue. One thing, be gentle with yourself.
jamiemac
jamiemac
That is a very difficult situation for you and it sounds like you already have been so strong. Self care is very important and sometimes that does mean leaving. You got this.
3cutiesmamaAndaFedUpWife
3cutiesmamaAndaFedUpWife
Right there with you Daniel. My husband is an alcoholic and an addict. We have been together for 20 years, married for 13. I have confronted him numerous times but he doesn't care. We'll have a few good months and then he'll go right back to all the bullshit. I deserve better and so do you. You deserve to be happy. Stay strong. You can't continue like this.
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