You are doing the right thing by breaking it off. Please try and go 100% no-contact with her. I have done a lot of reading about what love does to the brain (studies done by Dr. Helen Fisher if you care to look it up). Connecting with someone causes the release of chemicals in the brain such as dopamine. A lot of the terrible feelings you have are like drug withdrawals and totally normal. So, it makes sense that no-contact works so well, since this is a method of detox. Please block her from your phone and all social media. I have read your other post about her going crazy at the cabin. She sounds emotionally abusive and a lot of your story on your other post sound like common tactics of emotional abuse. Posting on facebook about some other guy is immature on her part. You seem to be a caring person and valuable in your line of work. Your energies are best spent on those who can appreciate you, whether it be your son or people you help through your work. It takes a while but you will start to feel better. A lot of the "why do they do that?" questions may never be answered, but just know you deserve better.

One of the hardest things I'm finding about breaking up or divorce is that the person you used to go to when you were feeling pain is the one person you should not go to now. On the surface, it would seem great that you can both try and comfort each other through this tough time because comfort is supposed to be good right? In this case though, just like 11Christmas says, having no contact is the way we detox from a toxic relationship/situation. I can totally relate to your struggle because every day this week I have wanted to give my stbx a hug (or comfort him with sex) because I can see how sad he is. It takes all I have to stick to what I know will be best. Part of our toxicity was that we got together and stayed together because I'm a "helper". I'm attracted to situations where I can make people feel good. I have to let him figure out how to help himself, but this week I discovered that he is going back to an ex-wife that was terribly abusive to him...cheated on him many many times and even had sex with one of his brother's while they were married. It's like watching someone walk out in front of a bus and there's nothing you can do. But sex with me won't help, a hug from me won't help. Talking to me won't help.

why am I so stupid and weak when it comes to this woman. After telling me she loved me so much and would never find love again, two days after we "ended things" for the 100th time, she was in a relationship. All over face book, she was so happy. At the same time I was a mess, hurt beyond belief, and while she was with this guy, she was still telling me she loved me.

I finally, after a month of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to move on, then right about that time, she contacts me.

Said she was so stupid, her and her bf broke up, he wasn't over his ex wife. I was really sorry for her, I wanted her to be happy,

Then the hammer fell on me. She told me that on their first date, he basically asked her to marry him, she moved in with him after two weeks, moved her kids out of their school and hour away, to be with him.

No, she needed my help, I let her use my truck to get her things, back to her apt, I didnt actually help with that part, but she used my truck, she gave notice on her apt when she left, she intended on staying making a life with this man.

I later learned, from her, she used him as an escape from me, from my memory, from our love, she wanted to move on so badly, she went to that extreme..

Naturally I questioned her true feelings for me, but I still ran to her aid.....

Now, she moved her kids back to their school, had to get back into her apt, how crazy is that? Should I even be speaking to this woman? I still love her, but Lord, her decision making skills are crazy!!!

I am not trying to be mean, but since you asked:

NO, you should not even be talking to her.
From all you've posted about her, she needs serious help.
After what she put you and especially your son through, that is clear.
The problem is, she gets by on playing on the sympathies of others.
If you continue to fall for it, she will continue to suck you back in, because you are kind-hearted. That's exactly why she keeps running back to you.
She has too many problems for them to improve without getting serious professional help. But she is avoiding doing that, jumping from person and place to the next, running from her problems. You will get sucked back into the craziness every time.
The only way you will stop getting sucked into the drama is to completely cut all ties with her.

I know I'm repeating what some others have said, but I'm going to anyway.

If you want to heal from this, you will need to go complete and total No Contact. That means blocking her from your phone, email, and all social media, including FB. Will it be hard? Yes, definitely. But you are basically being your own torturer. The longer you stay No Contact, the easier it will be.

Treat this as if it were an addiction because it probably is. There is such a thing as relationship addiction. So you will probably feel like you're going thru withdrawals. That's why you need to go NO CONTACT.

Also, healing never happens when we distract ourselves with another relationship. It only hurts us and the other person.

Three months after a divorce from 14 yrs of marriage isn't nearly enough time to mourn your losses and heal. Many experts say it takes 1-2 yrs for every 5-7 years of marriage and that's ONLY if you do some inner work during that time.

You were exactly on point when you said that your relationship with this woman who only gives a damn about herself is a rebound relationship. They rarely work.

Another reason to do your work to heal is because when we don't, we end up bringing in all the 'junk in our trunks' from ALL previous relationships, including those w/in our family of origin. That just intensifies and magnifies the already existing dysfunctions each person brings with them. That's why the 2nd & subsequent marriages failure rate is something like 75%.

The fact that she has three kids w/three different men was a HUGE red flag. And she's proved it repeatedly. That's why its so important to do our inner work. Its critical that we pay attention to the red flags and learn to develop and listen to our inner knowing.

Please take a break from dating altogether and allow yourself to mourn the loss of your first marriage and this loss.

If you can't do it for you, then do it for your son. He doesn't need stepmother figures (especially ones like her) coming & going in his life.

Focus on doing some inner work and give yourself the gift of time and healing.

Thanks to all responded, I KNOW what I need to do, its just so very difficult. That is why I am here posting, and getting feed back, it actually keeps my head on straight. Although it doesn't appear that way. I re-read my posts and shake my head. I do believe this woman has taken advantage of my kindness and willingness to help her. She does need help, in all sorts of ways, but I do know I cant help her anymore. I will do my very best. For those that pray, say a tiny one for me to be strong, thanks to all.

This is you from over 3 years ago. Kind of sounds familiar.

"I was the CS, for two years, and was emotionally invested in the relationship, and truly thought I found my soul mate and thought I was truly in love. Ive been married to my wife for 12 years, and was ready to throw it all away becasue I was convinced I could not be happy with her. I wasnt sexually satisfied and lacked a connection, and guess what? I found that with the OW. I was caught twice, with teh same OW, and my wife still wants to give me a chance to change. Ive even told her that I was and still am in love with the OW. I am currently out of that other relationship, said it was over, and I feel horrible about it. It was like a drug, and I am craving the OW, her face, her Love, everything, and its really tough to get her out of my head. I feel like I am going crazy.

I know in my head that staying with my wife is for the best, for everyone involved, but my heart is telling me something totally different. I cant seem to shake it, I try staying busy, but I cant be busy all of the time. Some one please tell me this will pass......all this heartache, and sorrow, and feelling like Ive made the wrong decision in staying with my family. "
Posted on 02/04/13, 10:08 am

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/15631188-getting-over-ow


I really liked posts #8, #11, and #13.

#18? I personally find it amazing that anyone can be attracted to someone that abuses children but I guess that's because I was abused. This woman disgusts me. I have sympathy for her issues but I have more sympathy for her 3 helpless children that she's dragging all over hell and uprooting their lives to get her little bit of pleasure.

Someone needs to call CPS. That's what I would consider doing. Those children need stability. You mentioned an Uncle who was a Pedophile. If everything you say is accurate, She clearly has no mothering skills and no ability, or desire, to protect her children or put their welfare before her selfish pursuits. Men WILL take her in to get to her children and sexual abuse has dire consequences that are lifelong. Of all the abuse I suffered as a child, it is the sexual abuse that haunts me the most. It destroys you.