I know what you mean...those commercials make me sad too...but they made me sad when we were still together, because my stbx never really gave me gifts (except when he knew he had to like xmas, bday ect...not because he wanted to). The holidays can be rough...all my family is on the other side of the country so I hear ya about not wanting to cook a meal. So this year I'm going to the spa (xmas gift to myself)...gonna have a facial and a massage. Do anything you can to spoil yourself over the holidays!

I agree.....this will be the first Xmas without her in 10 years and I am dreading it. Those commercials are hard to watch and many times I change the channel, but they are everywhere.

You will feel that romance again if you want it and seek it. I am trying to convince myself of the same thing. Put yourself out there and some nice gentleman will notice you in time.

Prayers to you.....

I laugh at those ads because my STBX used to buy me jewelry all the time, but it didn't feel sincere. I felt like I was being bought off. As if to say: "I know I treated you like shit all year, so here's a trinket to shut you up." Whenever I would get mad at my STBX in the beginning of our marriage because of some bad stuff he did, he'd tell me to look at my finger (the one with the large engagement ring on it). That was insulting. So now when he does something bad (like today trying to have our 18 yo son declared emancipated since he quit college until next fall to go to a different one) so he doesn't have to pay child support for 3 more years), I still look at my finger, and smile (finger is bare) because I'm no longer tied to him! So really jewelry isn't love, it's supposed to be a symbol, but it isn't always. If those ads bother you, then shut them off. It's all BS marketing anyway.

:(
I have a confession. While at the grocery store today, I stood and stared at all the flowers, imagining in my head someday someone who would buy them for me. Then the bubble popped and I felt stupid and lame. Turned my cart around and just admitted to myself that will probably never happen. I will only be buying flowers for myself. Pity party over and I shrugged it off. It just hits at those moments you don't expect it huh? I know what you mean about the commercials. I watch lingerie comercials like that is so pretty, I want to buy, then Im like, and who gives a flying crap if my underwear match my bra or if they are granny panties or cute ones? The answer, only me, and only on some days. It can get me down sometimes but, I know others are feeling the same way. HUGS. I totally understand.

shit like this happens when going thru a breakup. So used to having someone there to give to and get from (n ot so much meaning the presents), that when they are not there, something is definitely missing and all the emotions / thoughts we tied to those moments, come back and have us just not wanting to even deal with the Holiday.

You will get your love for those things back, whether there is someone new in your life or not. You will remember the meaning behind most of those Holidays and start to look forward to them coming around each year. Just hang in there for now, until you can find your joy for those moments.

What youre feeling is very normal! Its the same as seeing other "happy" couples walking around hand in hand .. making us relive the good times with our once significant others. Time tends to heal wounds and in time you will again meet someone special to share things with. Make sure you process your breakup and heal before moving onto someone else would be my advice.. Good luck.. Hugs

Jaclyn,
I can so identify with so much of what you have said here. As you say it is not the gifts that matter, it is the fact that it would be nice to have someone who cares enough to think of you, or that you are important in their life. I become overcome with the sadness about that at times too.

On Christmas Eve we have a big 5 family celebration - full lavish sit down 3 course dinner that we all contribute dishes for, and we take it in turns to host it. I used to love it and think it was such fun, but I have to admit these past couple of years I have to do some really deep digging to put on the brave, cheerful face and feel happy and comfortable there. All the other families are couples with their grown children, and I am the only one without a significant other, and it is hard.
My kids were really good to me last year and all came and slept over at my house that night so we could wake up as a family in the morning.
But this year will be very different. My eldest now lives in Brazil with his wife, my youngest is going to Hawaii with her best friend for 10 days over Christmas, so I do not expect my middle son to come and stay over with me. I am sure he and his girlfriend will go to her parents this year.
This Christmas will be the stark reality of what the future is likely to be like for me, as my kids are growing up and getting married and move away to their own lives.
I think we have to learn to treat ourselves to special things and spoil ourselves in little ways. For instance, one day I treated myself to a foot soak, reflexology and body massage. It was wonderful!!! It was a way to make myself feel wonderful just for a short while. It is not the same, but it did help for a short while.

Hi Jacklyn: I didn't get flowers and jewelry, so that wasn't what hit me the most. The commercials that got me were the ones that always hit on the warmly lit HAPPY family together and that's where it got me. I never wanted to have a child and be a single parent--I always wanted to have a child knowing he would have two parents in the home. Didn't work out that way.

Even though my ex never provided any cards or gifts for our son (apparently he figured court ordered support was enough), that always really hurt me really bad. Not giving cards and gifts to your child is just rotten to the core.

I had gotten the child a dog and the dog always got the child great cards and gifts and then Santa ALWAYS got hiim great stuff too. So I hoped to make up for the lack of love and care from my ex.

And I always arrange to get a special meal for myself and myself alone. I had enough crazy relative holiday dinners that I enjoy a quiet one to myself.

Under the little 3 foot Chrismas Tree are always gifts for my cats, and they always have a gift under the tree for me--AND THEY GET ME JEWELRY (INEXPENSIVE JEWELRY) THAT I LOVE. No damn mittens, socks, pullover hats, thermal underwear, but something I ACTUALLY WANT. WOO HOO. And I have a special breakfast for myself too. And I go to the park and sneak a speical breakfast to the birds (not supposed to feed them).

Christmas feels so good, so peaceful, so non stressful, so full of life and my cats are sneaking up on the little plastic Scooby Doo christmas figures under the tree and taking them out one by one and it makes me laugh. My military commando cats taking out Scooby Doo just seems like Christmas.

Same here! In the beginning my stbx gave such thoughtful gifts but last year he gave 1 thing so thoughtless and I put so much into his. This year he will buy his mistress pretty expensive things while I will have nothing. The holidays will be hard. Its knowing someone cared enough to think of you. I am in the same boat as you

I just make up random stories about people when i see them happy together or even single people. I always wonder what the real story is behind everyone. I think thats the writer in me. I do miss getting flowers but what I miss the most is stimulating conversation. I can but myself a flower and make myself feel good but it is a good feeling when someone takes the time and effort to make you feel special to them.

I went to visit family last week and when I got back home, it really hit me that STBX would never again greet me at the airport with a cup of coffee for me. It's all those little things I will miss too.

Gosh, thanks to all of you. I thought I was being petty or something. I don't know why we always think we are the only ones going through something. Once we bring it out in the open, we find its not true.

If I could I would buy all of you ladies some flowers so you could have that feeling again.

It's funny...it wasn't until I started connecting with someone new that I realized how little my X did with things like that. I mean, sure, he got me flowers when we dated...and made the proposal a big deal...but while we were married 9 years...I sure can't remember when he ever got me an anniversary card, definitely no Valentines day stuff, and I think we eventually agreed not to bother with Xmas because it was obvious he wasn't into it with me.

Those commercials used to make me roll my eyes...and now, I really don't pay much attention to them. I got flowers last week from someone I am developing a really good relationship with, and I thought...when was the last time I got flowers? I think it was the day my son was born, 7 years ago...

It's sad, but not sad. Giving gifts, for me, always makes me feel better...and getting gifts is so foreign, that when I do get one, I probably look speechless and dumb trying to react to it.

It occurs to me that I even miss having a partner to do things for. I always delighted in finding just the right presents for him. I would start budgeting and looking months ahead of time. Always thinking of special things to do for him. So, I dont just miss having someone do for me, I miss having a special someone to do things for.