Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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astoryaboutme 01/30/2013

I'm a 25 year old woman, and I've been married for 6 years. Last night, after months of issues and many attempts (on my part) at trying to save this relationship, my husband said he wants a divorce. I have been moved out for a week now. We have no children, thankfully.

I have posted my full story in the Infidelity support group, but to get to the point, my husband has been sexting other women and telling them that he wishes I would just sign divorce papers...this was news to me. Until I discovered this secret, I thought things between us were more or less fine. I've been trying my best to hold things together for a very long time, so last night's conversation felt like the closure I needed to hear to be able to move forward with my life.

The reality is that I'm 25 years old, and I'm about to be divorced. I'm really afraid of how this will affect my life when I try to meet new people. Will men judge me for being divorced so young? I definitely don't feel as though I've failed in any way. I tried everything, including a lot of forgiveness, to work through our issues, but I can see this will tear my life apart if I try to hold on any longer. I want to be happy again. I'm not planning to date any time soon, but I want to know that it's not over for me. I don't know how to bring this up to men when I meet them. Do I have to tell them this on our first date to get it out in the open? I feel like this divorce will scare people away from me.

Any advice would be appreciated!

C

deleted_user 01/30/2013

Well, I am a bit older (38) but I will tell you that I don't hold a divorce against anyone. I am positive a few people out there will view it as a negative , but you don't really want to date them anyways. At 25, you have virtually your whole adult life in front of you. I WISH I had had the strength to divorce at 25 instead of struggling for years and having to do it at 38 instead.

luvmygirl4 01/30/2013

You being young and divorced shouldn't matter to most. It happens so often they even have a term for it, "starter marriage". You have a long life ahead of you, don't dwell on the past... just learn from it.

deleted_user 01/30/2013

Hi astory: First things first. You have a separation and divorce to go through. It should not be taken lightly and your focus should not be on men after divorce and instead should be on a divorce attorney and preparing for your divorce. I'm concerned that your focus right now appears to be on future men.

Some couples find divorce particularly nasty, even if they have gotten along during their marriage. Divorce can bring out the worst. But it doesn't mean that you should accept the worst. You set boundaries for yourself in what you will accept and tolerate. You will not speaking to you, calls to you or texts to you that involve bad language, that are accusatory or that are running you down to the ground.

Go immediately to a divorce attorney and set it all out for him/her. You need to figure out what is important and what needs to be done so you protect yourself and everything else. Below is a form that you should fill out by yourself (don't get your husband invovled) and take it to the attorney as it will probably help him/her.

http://www.arlingtonfamilylaw.com/images/pdfs/Client_Interview_Divorce.pdf

Do not agree to anything with your husband right now. Let your attorney guide you as to what should be done right now and what the important factors are. Good luck and many hugs.

astoryaboutme 01/30/2013

Hi AsTimeGoesBy,

Let me be clear --my focus is not on dating right now. The topic of this one discussion was about moving on, and whether or not other people might not want to get to know me because I'm young and divorced. As I mentioned, I've been posting a lot in the Infidelity discussion boards regarding the pain I'm going through, and dealing with the actual process of divorce.

Thanks for the advice. My H and I want to figure things out together and we're not arguing about any division of property, but I will definitely have my lawyer look over the paperwork to make sure my interests are taken care of.

C

deleted_user 01/30/2013

I never said your focus was on dating.

deleted_user 02/24/2013

I will be 25 in May. I have been with my H for 5.5 years, married for one and a half...He left on 1/31. He does not wish to try counseling or anything, however, he is not 'rushing' to file....

I, too, worry about being a 'divorce statistic' at such a young age. Unfortunately, I do feel a little bit like a failure right now, but am working on this through counseling.

I am sorry you are going through what you are going through, but am glad to see I am not alone! I wish you the best!

charliegirl29 02/24/2013

My personal opinion. Should you get divorced I do not believe so much that you will judged by being someone who is divorced but in the divorce world I think there might be some skepticism of what a loyal relationship really means to someone. I guess that is my own personal view.

jaclyn1973 02/24/2013

You being divorced will not likely be an issue with many people. It is unfortunately so common these days. I understand the part about feeling like a failure. I guess we all feel that way to various extents. One of the many emotions we deal with when going through this. And I think when the spouse was unfaithful in any way that we also take on guilt for that, wondering why we were not enough. You will be dealing with so many emotions innthe coming months. Just remember, it takes 2 to make a marriage work. When there is only one person holding on, the marriage doesn't stand a chance.

deleted_user 03/25/2013

It's so hard to have everyone tell you "you're so young, you'll be fine!"...it seems to minimize the huge amount of grief and pain you're feeling, and it doesn't make the hazy road ahead become any more clear. It doesn't make it any easier after you watch friends get married and have babies as you fight to keep your dog or half of the retirement account, and it doesn't make letting go of the dreams you had any easier.

Starter Marriage is an insulting term, although I don't think that people intend it as such. These weren't my starter dreams, or my starter hopes, this wasn't a starter love...this was the foundation upon which I planned to build my life. And it feels like it got wiped out by a tornado.

Astoryaboutme, I feel for you. I know how scary it feels to wonder that even if we can somehow get through this pain and this situation right now, will we ever find happiness again? Or will we always be damaged goods? And even if someone accepts us, will we want them? Are there even any good ones out there, or are they already married (to our friends)?

gettingitstraight 03/25/2013

first take time to heal yourself dont start out right away looking for a date. i made a mistake my marriage was over years ago butr we just seperated 6 months ago, dueto a similar situation as yours but in reverse. anyhow i met a girl and we went out a few weeks ago, and it just went south because of me and my actions, so i learned a valuable lesson, go slow and heal yourself first

blondebombshell22 03/25/2013

Hi, I'm in a similar situation just a little older than you. I'm 28 and my divorce was just finalized last month (you should read my background story/journal to get a better idea of what I went through). I started dating before I was ready, not a good idea...take time to figure out what you want in your life/who you really are.
Also, take time when meeting new guys to really determine what you truly want. If you go out with one a few times and realize that he has potential, then you can talk about your divorce (if you want to). I've found that most people are understanding, and the truth is many people get divorced young these days (especially with how common infidelity is). It's a crappy situation to be in, but the way I look at it is at least we are young and can make the most of a second chance at a new life. Hope I've helped, feel free to msg me whenever if you want to talk!

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