Oh wow, this is a lot. I feel for you. You cannot take responsibility for what she does. You need to talk to her, and if possible someone in her family about this. You both are ill and together it makes both of u sicker. The worst thing you can do is stay with this girl. You can tell her you will stay friends, but that's as far as it will go. Tell her if she really loved you she would understand, when you love someone you want the best for them, and the best thing would be staying friends and if she can't deal, then she has to figure out something else. I know its much easier said than done, but from what you've said it needs to be done.

I wish you the best, and please keep posting!

Hi there: I see some major red flags going up and I hope you do too. Anyone that you get into a relationship with in a short time and they are pressuring you to be overnight at your place and you say nothats it, your no means no. Not maybe. It means no and thats the end of it. They respect that and respect you.

FIRST RED FLAG: That she went and called your mother over you saying NO was VERY HUGE in my eyes and for me would have been the end of the relationship forever. I cant have someone who invalidates me and feels they must go to the next relative in order to get their waythat means they disregard what you say, your feelings and what you said to them means nothing to them, and they will always go beyond you to get what they want. AND IT IS EMASCULATING TO HAVE THE WOMAN YOURE DATING CALL YOUR MOTHER BECAUSE YOU SAID NO. Saddle up for a future of this.

Then she took it to Facebook posting derogatory about your mother. Thats not okay and face it that was her way of punishing you and your Mom right now. Block her from your Facebook and unfriend yourself from her Facebook. The first time someone misuses Facebook, remove them and dont look back because.

SECOND RED FLAG: When you feel that you cant leave someone because they will commit suicide, you are a victim and thats the sign of an abuser. Its how an abuser manipulates someone to keep them in a relationship when the victim wants to leave. You cannot stop a person from suicide because even if you are there 24/7, you still have to sleep and they can do it then. You are being manipulated big time and made to feel like you MUST stay or she will die. Its another big flag to leave this relationship right now.

THIRD RED FLAG: You are going to her every day for 10 plus hours. Youre on disability. You want to protect yourself and if you are on work disability, you will be or are already on surveillance through their insurance carrier. If they can document everything and somehow get pictures, it might get you off work disability. What about a life for you? She does not need you there every day and absolutely not any day for 10 plus hours. Again you are being manipulated.

FOURTH RED FLAG: She does so much better when you are there. Really, doesnt anyone who is lonely or depressed do better when someone is there? You said she has no seizures and her blood pressure reduces when you are theredoesnt that strike you as odd? Unless her doctors have changed her meds, seizures seem to be pretty hard to control and blood pressure meds can control her blood pressure. Thats an interesting question that you need to ask yourself. She would undoubtedly be probably having seizures while you were there also.

FIFTH RED FLAG: This may sound indelicate, but someone has to ask. Have you seen any medical records that indicate she is actually terminal? Sadly, so many claim they are terminal to get sympathy, attention, money or whatever their currency is. You need to know and her word is not enough. She is asking serious stuff of you and if you decide to go with her and do all of it, first DO NOT go blindly and insist on seeing the entire medical records or being given permission to talk with all her doctors. You must have facts and not be swept up with emotion.

SIXTH RED FLAG: She wants to find a place for you two to live and you raise her kids. You have said here that you cant do it. Then you have to stick to that and tell this woman right away that you cant do it. You cant hide that and be up front today.

I can see you are a wonderful and caring person. I believe this woman is manipulating you. Perhaps she has not been completely up front and truthful about all her health and mental health problems. Its a lot to take on from an ex of long ago you have recently met after a very long time. Remember why she became an ex.

I would have ended the relationship as soon as she called my Mom. Why didnt you?

What boundaries did you learn from your relationship with your ex and what boundaries have you violated here? I cant see where this relationship will lead to any happiness. In fact, I think she is the boss and will be leading you around by the nose.

Many hugs and I wish you well.

wow. I really don't know what to say.

You are going to have to do what you feel is best.

I think AsTimeGoesBy covered all the bases (or flags). :)
My two cents--she crossed the line... more than crossed the line, in fact. I think you need to walk away. However--what I think, doesn't matter. You need to make the decision that you will be comfortable with.
(And, please don't take offense, but could this have been somewhat of a rebound relationship for you? I know how devastated you were before...)
Wishing you peace.
(((((((((Tesinato)))))))))

Wasn't a rebound relationship as far as I was concerned. I truly cared for her ages ago, and seeing her suffer the way she was, I wanted to be there to comfort her and make her happy in her dying days. I wasn't expecting love, let alone all this. Today I ended things. I feel horrible, but as it was pointed out to me by my friends, I can't let her actions effect me this way. She shouldn't have the power to do this to me, and that I just gave it away freely to her. So that is something I am going to be working on with myself for awhile, before seeking out a relationship.

But Astimegoesby is completely right, and what you see is what I saw already. My friends saw this, so did my family. I was just hoping they were bias, and that I was misreading everything. I didn't want to hurt her, she has been hurt so much as it is. The last conversation we had, she tried to use her illness against me in why it was ok for her to hurt me. She didn't care how sick she made me, or how this was effecting me, just about herself.

When I told her that I couldn't do this, and I had to walk away, she threatened suicide. I felt bad, but told her if she does that, it is her decision, not mine. That I couldn't be her sole reason for life. Or her sole reason not to go ahead and kill herself. She tried so many tactics, some of which I saw for what they were.

Overall, I'm sad that it ended this way, but I honestly think I went in way over my head. I was really scared I would lose myself again, and undo all the work and effort I've done the last 7 months. So thanks to you guys again, for all the advice and guidance. It really has helped, and given me the insight I need. It means a lot to me, to have this avenue for help, and without your help I'm not sure I'd be where I am now.

You need to tell her family that the relationship is over and that she's suicidal. Seriously.

And you may want to look into borderline personality disorder.

And you should make a rule for yourself: The first break up is the last break up, period. Yo yo relationships are incredibly damaging to both parties.

I already sent her mother a email through facebook letting her know that it was over and that she was threatening suicide. I also apologized for hurting her and her family as a whole by leaving, but stated why in a calm matter. After that, that is all I can do.

I like your rule. It would save a lot of heartache personally. I wanted to give her a second chance, but I see now that it was bad. So I think I will adopt your rule on that. Might I ask why I need to be concerned with borderline personality disorder?

You don't need to be concerned about BPD now that you're broken up, and obviously I've never met your ex and I'm just a person behind a computer, but your ex kind of sounds like a textbook case (with the threatening suicide).

She might of been. It is hard to say anymore with her. I'm honestly hurt tonight. Sitting here analyzing things, I still don't understand the reasoning behind her actions. What motive could there of been to sabotage things to the point where I would break up with her. Why go out of her way to not care, and to hurt me and my family, knowing full well I'd defend them, and protect myself. Such strange concepts for me to rationalize, because if I made her feel as great as I did, wouldn't you be happy with what you have? I don't know, I'm just in a weird head space tonight. I sense a writing session might be in order for me.

"I still don't understand the reasoning behind her actions."
You might never understand it. :( Don't beat yourself up. She obviously has issues. You loved. You cared. She took. Maybe whatever her issue is, she was incapable of anything but taking. Just know that you gave/loved/cared and that's what matters (though I wish you could've had a fairy tale that lasted).
((((((((((((((((Tesinato))))))))))))))

I wish I could of had that too, but realistically it wouldn't of happened no matter my desire. I guess for me, it is just hard to understand other people's motives. It is one of the many concepts I don't understand about life. I know some people use control and manipulation for their own end, whether it be wealth, fame, glory, love, and even to inflict pain on others. What I don't get about this, to be truthfully honest, is if you had 3-4 months left to live, would you waste that precious time to hurt someone? Seems so bizarre to me.

Maybe she was p*ssed that she only has such a short time and was lashing out--sharing her pain??? :( Nobody but her knows... and, really, even she might not.
Don't let her actions squash your good heart.
Wishing you peace.

Hi Testinato: I have to say that I am so proud of you for being able to recognize what was happening and then breaking it off, even as she was threatening suicide. You are a very wonderful and caring person and NEVER FORGET THAT.

Someone on a board her said that some people are incredible carers and givers and others are takers and take so much that they loose compassion and understandin for the person who is giving so much.

So the giver then becomes a doormat for the taker and the taker doesn't see them as much more. Until the taker has reached a point of utter frustration and walks away.

i think you were an incredible giver. She was using such desparate manipulation tactics on you when you had enough and were walking away.

It was difficult what you did, but we do difficult things to protect us from relationships that are not healthy. I don't want you to feel helpless and instead I want you to feel empowered for stepping up and saying NO to all this (WAY TO GO). You also protected your Mom and contacted this woman's Mom to help her. You did so well. It doesn't feel that way now, but in the future, you'll know you did the right thing. Many many hugs to a great guy.

I wish I felt the same way. I feel defeated truth be told. It was pointed out to me tonight, by a friend, that I've always been controlled. Whether from my ex, my her personally, as a friend, by my family, or by people I worked with before I couldn't no longer, that I've always been submissive and not in control. She claimed due to this that you trying to change this is out of your element and that I am scared, and over-reacted.

I'm not sure if I did or not. I feel oddly out of sorts for standing up for myself with this girl. More over, I feel like I'm making myself feel guilty, as I know she is still dying, and now she is alone again. She will die alone, and in pain, and suffer, all because I'm not strong enough to handle her controlling ways. Why is it I can't see that her controlling me is a risk to my health be more important?

It's so hard for someone like me, because all I do is give. I hardly ever take, and when I do it is normally something insignificant. I've been thinking about what life would be like if I changed from a passive person to a assertive type, and I don't like what I would become. I don't like being selfish about my needs, or my desires. I find assertive people are more concerned about themselves then others, and I think that would harm me emotionally after a bit.

I don't know how to not be gentle and kind and helpful and caring. I also don't know how to assert myself in a way that isn't just laughed at and not considered reality. I feel like even though I don't want to be controlled, maybe control is what I need in my life to function. Honestly I have so much doubt right now, it is really hard to tell you how exactly I feel.

I'm glad you are proud of me AsTime, but I don't feel proud of myself. I feel like I let this girl down for my own selfish needs, and now she will wind up suffering until death takes her from this earth. I'm still processing how to cope with that. Right now, I have such a urge to call her and say I'm sorry, but I feel if I do, then I'm just giving her the key to mint again. And maybe next time I won't be so lucky to get it back.