Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Two questions for you all:
If someone had warned you about your now EX/STBX would you have listened? If you are dating now and someone warned you would you listen?
Also, if you saw your EX in a relationship that you knew would crash and burn would you warn that person?
I recently saw the person my ex is so in love with now....saw that she had a child....she looked just like me, was better educated then him, like me, has a small child, like me....has more money than him, like me.
The EX is a very gifted liar. He will suck her in and until she is curled up in a ball destroyed she won't know what has hit her. We were married 11 years.....he hates kids and did a number on mine.....he has addiction problems that he hides.....and a life long porn problem. He hates dogs, but now owns one. There is NO WAY he has changed at all in this short amount of time....He still hasn't made amends to me.
I wouldn't have contacted her if she didn't have a child! That's the only
reason I did it. Apparently she has been brainwashed already cuz she didn't respond.
If someone had warned you about your now EX/STBX would you have listened? If you are dating now and someone warned you would you listen?
Also, if you saw your EX in a relationship that you knew would crash and burn would you warn that person?
I recently saw the person my ex is so in love with now....saw that she had a child....she looked just like me, was better educated then him, like me, has a small child, like me....has more money than him, like me.
The EX is a very gifted liar. He will suck her in and until she is curled up in a ball destroyed she won't know what has hit her. We were married 11 years.....he hates kids and did a number on mine.....he has addiction problems that he hides.....and a life long porn problem. He hates dogs, but now owns one. There is NO WAY he has changed at all in this short amount of time....He still hasn't made amends to me.
I wouldn't have contacted her if she didn't have a child! That's the only
reason I did it. Apparently she has been brainwashed already cuz she didn't respond.
I've been on this site for a long time. I've noticed that a certain person is quite certain that their advice is from God's lips to theirs. Don't appreciate the background check or the rudeness of their replies.
maybe because the rest of my body was screamin too loud
but i listen this time
even though my bodys again so freakin loud
who said "school of hard knocks"?
i dont listen to anyone else, it seems to me too many people have their own agendas
besides a romantic relationship is intimate
its me and him/her
theres no room for an outsiders say
As for warning who she ends up in bed with? I had the chance to do that with the fellow she cheated on me with. I chose not to. I believe that you can tell all you want to someone, but sometimes, you just have to show them to get them to really see. Not to mention, I am not the type, even tho I would like to be and can be reactive "in the moment", but I am not the type that would do that type of thing.
Now, if whoever my ex was with asked me questions, I would be honest. I would not embellish, but I would be honest.
As for your situation, I am not sure what you are trying to accomplish, if not just for the fact to let this person he is now dating know, he is not who he is. My fear is, if you do this, it will only make you look like a bitter jaded ex. Especially if you bring up the things you mention in this post. These would all seem trivial cus people can change or accept new things when they are in a relationship with someone who has different interests or likes.
Now, if there are criminal or extreme behavioral issues, then I would have to entertain the thought of saying something more seriously. Especially if she is in an unsafe situation and she doesn't know. But for some of what you mentioned, I would just let it lie, really.
I already know, for a fact, he has cheated on his current GF. I know he puts on a front and wants people here, in North Carolina, to see him the way he wants versus the people in NY (family) who know what he's like. Would I warn his new GF? Nope. She wouldn't believe me, and I would come off like a jealous ex.
People learn things the hard way sometimes. It's not my personal crusade to make sure everyone in the world knows the kind of guy my X is.
On the other hand, I believe he and I weren't right foreach other, but that doesn't mean he isn't right for the next woman.
She wanted me to give "proof" of our relationship. He told her that we were just friends and when I went to the states to visit him, it was just to get tattooed, he's a tatt artist. He told her he did not stay with me in the hotel and we never had any sexual or intimate contact at all, not even kissing. Well, I sent her pics of us doing kissy poses, and texts of him telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and couldn't wait to move to Canada. She STILL didn't have the "proof" she felt she needed to rid herself of him. It's like she wanted to, but couldn't. AFTER he asked her to marry him, he was sending me texts saying he would do anything for another chance and he was out of his mind and wanted me back...well, I also sent her those texts.
People see what they want to see. I gave her more than enough "proof" to show her who she was really dealing with...she chose to see something different. After, she kept emailing me and asking more questions, even accused me of trying to contact him cus he was getting blocked calls. I said look, I am not going to do this anymore this is crazy. I did what you asked and gave you what you wanted what more do you need?! I have "proven" everything he said I was lying about. I want nothing to do with him why would I call him? Then said do you actually think I am the only one he's done this to? Maybe whoever else he's scammed is the one calling. This is not my problem anymore.
Needless to say I dogged a bullet with that relationship and him "letting me go" was the for the best. Yes it hurt. I actually still wonder about the girl tho, she seemed very nice, just confused and nave. I just had to remove myself from the back and forth with her cus like I said, people see what they want to see...
Narcissists are masters of sucking people in, being charming so that they can get a new partner, whom, according to descriptions of people with NPD, is not a person to them, but rather an object to be used, from whom they can extract "narcissistic supply."
Narcissists are charming at first. I think that you did the right thing by trying to warn her, and it shows the kind f person that you are that you would try to do so. But don't be surprised that she bought his version of the story, not yours. She'll find out soon enough--most likely when she's sick and can't provide sex.
He's not in love with her--he's in love with the way she is presently making him feel. When the infatuation period is over and she proves to be a woman who has needs and who has a child who also has needs, Mr. Wonderful will disappear.