you are his ex so I think it will fall on deaf ears. people only see what they want to see anyway a lot of the time so your warnings will probably just come off as someone being a jealous ex who wants to trash talk their former spouse. It really wouldnt matter if you were telling the truth or not because what you see in him someone else may very well not see the same things. jmo

Nope. If you tried to warn yourself, would you listen?

School of hard knocks.

-OR-

You never know who that person is, that's going to make themselves want to turn around.

Why ask, you already did it.

Ooops.

Scratch

"that's going to make themselves want to turn around. "

and replace with

"Prompt that person to look at themselves and want to not be the person they were".

Why comment if you have nothing to say?

Just curious......if I was dating and someone wanted to talk to me about that person, I sure would listen!!!

The way you describe your ex, he sounds like an abuser to me. If he is, no matter what you tell her, he will convince her or probably did when he first got together with her that you are a bad person and a liar.
You meant well but I'm afraid she will have to learn on her own.
The abuser when first getting together with someone will do or say anything to get them hooked. That would explain, in pretending to love her child, and the dog.
I am so sorry, you tried. Maybe when things start going really bad, she'll remember you tried to contact her, then she may try to get some answers. Lets hope so.

I hope so because like I said, I'm concerned about the young child. And, yes he is an abuser.

my ex, at 45, had $25,000 in student loan debt without a plan to pay it off. a prudent man would have walked away when he found out about it.

i can't blame anyone but myself for making a poor choice.

now, my standards are higher. i don't care how pretty and sweet a woman is, if she is not grounded, i won't date her.

I think I may not have listened initally, as he told me all sorts of storys about why he had ex's, funny, it was always their fault. But as soon as the red flags started showing I think I may have remembered what was told me and had been much tougher on Kevin. I would not have let him go on and on taking from me. I would have insisted that he move out of my home and we would have dated instead. Or, I may not have let him move in at all initially when he was evicted from his apartment. Truth told, I always had a "gut" feeling about him, so I may have listened. I am contemplating telling his current chic the truth about him.

Hi,
I've been thinking about this and if I had been told, I wouldn't have ended it because it may not have been true. I also had warnings of a different kind, a friend of mine who has a bar got me on one side and said "you do know that he has a drink problem don't you? " She said it is so obvious, just look at his big red nose. I just laughed about it. He wasn't working and when I finished work he would always meet me in a bar and he continued until it was time for bed.
I asked him about it but he said he enjoyed a drink and at the moment he was drinking more because he was bored but that he could stop anytime he wanted, well he never wanted to.
The other thing is that when he first moved in his phone kept ringing at night, but he wouldn't answer it and when I asked who it was he said it was a woman he had dated who had Alzheimers and couldn't remember that he had told her it was over! Really.
So I think the red flags were there and I had been warned but chose to ignore it until it happened to me.
He cheated and lied and yes I spoke to the other woman, not to tell her what he was like but to find out if some of the things he had said were true.
I do understand why you did it but people have to find out for themselves.

Hi Loop: You have a woman's avatar, but state you're a male. You state your ex is a male and dating the female with the child. You say you were married to him for 11 years.

So is the actual really deep problem that you are very upset that your male partner gave up being gay and went to being heterosexual with this female? And that put you over the edge and into contacting the female, because you've been on the board long enough to know that we don't recommend contacting other parties.

First, it breaks the NO CONTACT everyone recommends here and you want to keep that not only for him for but any new girls/guys and his friends too. If you have to speak to him about kids, the conversation is to him alone and strictly about the kids and nothing else.

Second, you want to stay out of Facebook, social media, listening to friends about your ex and his new girls/guys, or obsessing about anyone you find out he is dating because it is no longer your business. It's hard, but you keep telling yourself that.

Third, when you make contact with his new girl, it can appear you are stalking his new girl. Remember that message, whether sent by e-mail, text or phone, is kept in records and easily used for charges to be placed against you for stalking. Stop any and all contact to him, his girls/guys and his friends. His girl may now be telling others you are stalking her and you can't deny that.

Fourth, you're expecting a new girl to
take the word as gospel of an ex partner and that won't happen. He has probably told her and believes that you are jealous. He is behaving now and is showing her no reason to believe what you are saying. Remember, you feel in love with him at this stage too. So he can be very convincing.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS AGAIN. You put yourself in harm's way and risk a stalking charge. You cannot fix or change him or her. Instead you can only fix and change yourself.

No. Because you dont know what really happens between them. Maybe she has lower standards than you. That was my case. Now my ex is married to that girl. He hasnt changed. But his wife accepts to be the follower manipulated and controlled. Maybe they ll live happily ever after.

Actually - Yendh is right. That kind of person just keeps looking until they can find someone lower, more desperate than they are. I don't think I will warn his new one - she'll find out eventually, or she won't.

Your story and mine have a lot in common. I don't buy into the blame game because we didn't see it. These types are manipulator s and good liars. Will he treat her the way he did you? Yes. If she were to ask you questions about what happened then I would be forthcoming. Unless someone is willing to ask the questions they will not listen to the answers.

Yes warning someone of something bad whether you know them or not is always good. But......

Remember your the ex. If she was the ex and she tried to warn you would you listen? No cause you would think oh she's jealous and wants him back or trying to cause trouble.

I personally think just leave it be.. we all have to live and learn. She to will see that soon enough. It is sad there are children involved but as a parent she should know when and if its safe to introduce the child.

Christy