Time will tell. Then again, all people change over time. There is no definite answer.

Then again, it is best to give yourself a break for a while after the separation/divorce because you need to become a new person and heal yourself.

Hi Meg. I don't think we can be totally sure of anything, as we are all here, and life is not a given entity, but I have learned a few things, that will help me make a wiser choice in my future, if given the opportunity.

Many people give you lip service, but the actions do not add up. They may say they love you, and then treat you like dirt. That is not love.
Pay particular attention to people that say they love you immediately, or are seeking to make you a part of their lives the first time they meet you.

If a person treats you badly at any time in the first few times you meet, let them go. This is a pretty good indicator, that down the road, that type of behavior will return or worsen. My ex insulted me within two weeks of meeting me, then apologized. Now that would have been the kiss of death for him. Then I was young and stupid.

If anyone says that they are not good enough for you, believe them and move on.

The number one thing is not to rush into another relationship too soon. Become comfortable by yourself. You will make a wiser choice.

If it quacks like a duck ,and walks like a duck, it is probably a duck.

There are so many others, but I am sure the good people here will add to them.
Hugs, Kimmee

There's no answer to that question lol But it is true that you shouldn't go right into another relationship after (at least not a serious one).When you do meet someone, only time and patience will tell.

generally after spending time with them , after a while their true colors start to show. so go slow , and give it time, like pieces of glass working their way to the skin, after an accident.. sooner or later it will surface, if there are any...

If I could add anything I think I would say don't look for anyone that makes you happy or feel whole, and don't fall for someone that says you make them happy or feel whole.

If both parties enter with a full rich sense of self, completely happy with themselves, able to sit alone without feeling the need (want is something different) for another person they are ready to share their life.

HeaveToo nailed it. People can't keep up an "act" forever. If you hang around long enough, they will get comfortable, and you will see who they really are.

True colors will always show thru, given enough time. After being in a bad relationship, you need to give yourself some time to heal. From what I read in your profile, you have been terribly hurt in more ways than one.

Sometimes we get in a "rut" in life and I have always said "a rut is a grave with the ends knocked out". We only see in front of us, we don't see things around us. I feel you should give yourself some time to enjoy just being you, your freedom and renew your interests, make some new friends, etc.

After your emotional injuries, heart injuries, and all heal, then you can have a better insight as to what you really want in a relationship as well as life as a whole.

Just my thoughts, and if you read my rpofile and my journal entries, you can see I have been thru a lot a well. Just trying to help young lady.

How do you know? You probably will if you can trust again. I find trust is the hardest thing to regain. I've been with the same guy now for almost two years (I can hardly believe it) and he is exactly the same as the day I met him. I mean he is completely the same guy- which is why it probably doesn't seem like two years to me. Our relationship is as fresh and exciting as when we were dating. I think you will know - if you can trust. Oh, and honesty helps too. I am a different person now than when I was married. I will only tolerate honesty. Nothing less. I speak up when it's important - nothing is hiding under the carpet in this relationship.

My counselor told me once that it takes a person a year to a year and a half before you really see their true self. So you need to take your time, and get to know them. Obviously, after a year and a half, if you realize (or have been realizing) that this person isn't for you, it's going to be hard to break up with them. But better then waiting 20 years!

I think what people said is very true. And especially if someone hurts you or insults you within the first month or so. Even if they apologize, that's a red flag.

Keep an eye out for how many red flags go up for you. Don't discount your own feelings. Your gut should be your best indicator. If your gut instincts are screwed up from a previous relationship, then just count how many times the other person blames you for something. That might help.

Hugs, Meg! Glad to see you're thinking about down the road!!

Take longer to get to know them and this go round you won't have your blinders on. I think there were warning signs the first time but we were all innocent then to this big bad world.

Just take it slow and you'll be fine :0)

got me?! *befuddled look*

I agree with the other posts - time will tell!

Lynne

This is one of the biggest problems leading to divorce. Today, we are barraged with marketing movies, stories and advertising which creates a false impression of how a relationship evolves.
Someone meets someone goes to bed with them and marries them, all in a 60-second commercial. In addition to many people confusing being along and being lonely or looking at one person to provide everything the need and want in a relationship.
What has been lost is the art of "identifying relationships"
Relationships should be categorized and evolve through the following states:
Acquaintenances: These are people you "see" routinely. The postman, co-workers, hairdresser, people at church. etc. Everyone should have a large number of acquaintenances. From these group of people, there will be some who you will find you gravitate to more naturally and ultimately find you have some things in common. At this point. It is okay to say to this person, I'd like to be your friend.
Friendship: These are that small group of people who you have something in common with - BUT the commonality or the activity is more important than the person. For instance, people you play golf with, bowl, tennis or see a movie. For instance if you really want to see a particular movie but someone doesn't , you'll ask someone else - because the movie is more important than the person.
Intimate friendship; These are the small group of people who you find share the same morals, values and eithics as you do and you now find being with these peole is more important than where you go or what you do. These are the people you know share very deep intimate details of your life with. Such as my mother committed suicide when I was 3. Or I was molested.
This is also a good gauge of having healthy boundaries for yourself and your intimate friends. These can be both male and female.
Sexual relationship: This is at the point someone who you have shared an intimate relationship now becomes a love interest to you and you to them. Going through these stages of a relationship generally takes over a year. So your original posting about they may act a certain way at the beginning is true. But if you give relationships the correct amount of time to evolve, much heartache is spared. You generally keep many of those intimate relationship to provide a strong and healthy support system to you.
even though you may be in a committed sexual relationship with one person.
Good Luck and God Bless.

When the stbx and i split i admit, i sowed my oats, so to speak lol But i also realized that i needed my own time as well and therefore never allowed anything to get serious. I also had a couple that i thought may lead to something, but i continued to give it time and unfortunately, more true colors came out and so it ended.
I've since met and found my current gf of six months now and we are only now getting to the point where we are noticing little things and working on them, but we are falling for each other in every other way and are doing this slowly as we both also have kids. Once again, like her and i discussed, just give it time.