Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I give up.

aditi1974
aditi1974
I give up. I cannot take this any more. I have lost. I thought through the law i can hurt him, but the laws here are so stupid ...if I work, I 'll hardly get alimony which the stbx has refused to give anyways. There is no 'compensation' for devastating my life. I am getting fatter and looking terrible ..my face looks tired and old. I feel tired and old and I want out. I give up. I thought I could avenge myself by financially hurting him but cannot . Hurting him by fighting for full custody of my daughter is a question mark due to 2 reasons--the decision could go either ways and even if I do get full custody, my daughter loses out in my wish to 'punish' him. This, even when he's threatened to fight for her full custody. He leaves me for another woman and still gets to call all the shots.

I dont know what I want and what I thought I could get, I might not . Thats it, I 've had enough.Suicidal thoughts again...my depression is coming back and I wont survive it again. I am done..I give up.
cmshinn
cmshinn
Oh my - you are scaring me. Please never let a man bring you to that level. No man is worth your daughter growing up with out her loving mother. She needs you - healthy. Get counseling right away. Call your local hot line - talk this out with someone. Please !!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, do reach out and talk to someone, or lots of someones, but do not be alone if you are feeling like giving up.

I also strongly encourage you to shift your focus away from efforts to hurt or punish the stbx, and focus much much more on taking care of yourself and nuturing yourself, even if its just a little at a time - try it out today and let me know how it goes... a long walk, a hot bath, some good tea, a really good lunch, whatever, just focus on some healthy simple pleasures, just for today, and see how it goes.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Whoa!!! Hold up! SCREW this guy!! Listen I didn't get crap from my ex either but, that is no reason to throw it all away. I have been where you are the breakdowns, the raging emotions, the sadness...this is the process of healing and I know this is the last thing you want to hear but, its the truth. You will be going threw a lot of feelings you never thought you would experience but, you come out stronger.

Don't worry about hurting this man he doesn't even deserve that from you because you are better then him. Don't stoop down to this level and screw the other woman. He did you a favor by giving you a fresh start to you.

Pick yourself up, get a job that pays for your needs and concentrate on you.

YOu don't like who you are looking then honey change it. You can do it!! Just dig down deep and get the new you going. YOu will feel so much better.

I am here for you girl!! Hang in there!
oOoREBoOo
oOoREBoOo
Suicides punish the children. They live with it forever.

Be smart and show your daughter how a strong woman will survive. Even if you don't feel that strong, prove it to her so when she has her moments in life, when she has an urge to give up, she can think of her strong mom, who fought through the tough times.

Hugs, Aditi. STAY STRONG!
Misred
Misred
Anne7676 said what I was going to say. You need to change your plan of action. Seeking revenge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Find out what you qualify for and figure out how to use it to your advantage. You are an intelligent woman. This is an opportunity to get out from under him and on your own two feet. I am using my low income level to my benefit because it helps me qualify for pell grants I don't have to repay. I am continuing my education. Hell, I figure I may not be able to give my kids lots of money when I pass away, but if I can support myself I won't be a burden. Turn this around. Don't let it get you down. (((HUGS))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
I felt just like you, I even planned how I would end my life. I also thought of my girls, and that stopped me flat. It's true, you will only punish them. Instead, get in shape. Exercise, buy new make-up and clothes. The first thing we should think about are our children, then think about you! I started excersing, and take it from me, I hated it! But, when I started seeing the changes in my body, and most important my mind, I felt self confident and like a new person. I'm living by the motto that everything happens for a reason. I know it's hard, but sometimes when we reach the lowest point in our life, there is no way but up. I have confidence that you will shine someday, maybe not now while the healing is going on, but you will emerge a stronger, better woman.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No man is worth your life. Period. You would be giving him the ULTIMATE victory.
2newadvntrs
2newadvntrs
These people have good advice..Hang in there you will survive this too and come out a stronger wiser person..
Get your goals going and try to figure a new way to have an amazing life..Wether it be college, buying a new home or even downsizing to a mobil home..But do try to be happy..spend time with your daughter now..Go camping..to the beach..to the mountains..somewhere together..
You need to no longer give this man anymore of you...It will hurt him in the long run when he has jumped too quickly into a relationship..He will cry again someday trust me..
deleted_user
deleted_user
So many here are with you. Give up- for today. You're stressed. Do you have panic attacks?? Take it a little easier on yourself. Buy some epsom salts and sit in the tub and breathe. Tonight just ask }od for some help and start fresh tomorrow. People here are supporting you through this. Exhale.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ask God....uh oh typo
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didn't get anything material-wise from my ex husband either but I gained something much more valuable, my freedom. I still live in the same house, I still have all the furniture. The only things he took was his clothes and a TV. Everything else he left and it all simply became mine in the divorce. I do receive child support but no alimony. I could have gotten that, yes, but it would have been only limited and it just wasn't worth fighting for. It was hard for me to let go too because I wanted to punish him for what he did to me but when it all came down to it, the most valuable thing to me was my freedom. Just to have him out of my life was the best thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I also do agree that it is very unfair that there is no justice for betrayal. There are no laws that protects a faithful spouse against a cheating spouse and the OP. Some states do have alienation of affection laws where the innocent spouse can sue but those cases rarely make it into the court room. Marriage is a legal binding contract and when one spouse strays, that contract is broken. There should be justification.
new2free
new2free
Aditi, please don't give up....you have a whole new life ahead of you.
You are an intelligent woman. You can make a success of you life on your own.
You don't need him, or his money to make yourself a good life.
You will be strong and happy again in time, and your beauty will shine forth. You have a beautiful soul, don't let anger and resentment towards a worthless man destroy that!!

As someone else once posted on here - "looking for revenge is like drinking a cup of poison yourself and hoping that the other person will die"

You are so much better off without him, and the best revenge you can have is to regain your happiness and live your life to the fullest.
Show him you do not need him!! You are worth your weight in gold!! You are a wonderful woman!! Please don't let him win!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Suicide = ultimate act of selfishness. Hope that's not how you want to be remembered,

You're overthinking and foreshadowing the worst possible scenarios, and that's not realistic.

Snap back to reality. You have a kid depending on you.
lovingmyselfirst
lovingmyselfirst
do not give up! he is NOT worth it. i understand you. i felt the same exact way. our legal system sucks!
BUT
you are making him a winner by giving up on yourself!
get up, start loving your own person, eat healthy, exercise, feel good about who you are and go shine out there.
THAT is the only true revenge we the betrayed, humiliated and unfairly treated wives can take: being the best, happiest woman we can make of ourselves.....