I am sorry this happened and I don't want to seem harsh but, 2o yrs. is a long time for someone to be strung along on empty promises. When the going got tough, he took the high road. That should tell you what kind of man he is. I am surprised you didn't see this sooner. I hope your future is much better for you. I also realize that things are going to be tough for you for a while but, you can make it through.

Hello, Whipple. Sorry to hear of your suffering. My wife left me a week ago and I see some similarities in our circumstances. Due to some health issues I have my wife came to view me as a burden, instead of being compassionate and caring for me. You are correct in your observation about non-commitment: "so he can walk away if things get tough". My wife, as I am now beginning to realize, was the same way. Its really tough knowing that you put in the love and commitment but it was not given to you in return. It sounds like he really took advantage of your kindness and love. Its very natural to feel like your not good enough and to have self doubt during such an experience. A big part of your healing will probably need to include ways to build up your sense of self again. To heal the fractured aspects of your self can be very empowering and can help in processing the grief and pain. Remember to be gentle and kind with yourself, have compassion for yourself and your own suffering. It is really easy during this time to harden our hearts and isolate our pain but it is through a loving and genuine self-acceptance that the process of grief and suffering can fully take its course and the true healing can begin. Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone, others here are going through similar situations and we understand how difficult it can be.

Thank you for your compassion, ddpamela, OLDBIKER, and bluejeanbuddha. Mr. budda, yours is really to the point. He left at the end of January. I was still struggling with health issues and just could not cope with anything else. I was a bit amazed at not feeling anything other than mad. No real grieving or sadness. My friend thought I should go to a grief support group, but I couldn't feel any grief. Now I am getting waves of grief. Not even connected with him. I think I still can't go there, but when the sad feelings surface I just let them bubble on out. Nothing overwhelming yet. But I have have been more anxious about things so I think something is building. Everyone who loves me doesn't want to hear me be sad about him. They all hate him. Right now, I do too. But I can't imagine when the mad wears off that I don't have a little melt down coming. Glad I found my way hear. Thank you.

bluejeanbuddha, I am sorry your wife left you over health issues. It's hard to feel abandoned, especially when you need support the most. It makes you afraid to need help. I use to do hospice care and I learned that there are some people who can give care and some that just cannot. It has nothing to do with the person needing help.

Thank you for that, Whipple. I really needed to hear that. As for your situation, you are obviously very observant and aware (noticing no grief, to waves of grief, to recognizing a possible "little meltdown") and those are powerful attributes in confronting difficult and painful times. I like the idea of letting your sad feelings bubble on out. Although it can seem counter-intuitive, it really is important to meet our sadness/grief/suffering head on. But also with a gentleness. Tend to it with love and compassion (as difficult as that is sometimes) and it will transform into understanding and wisdom. It will transform your life.

Thank you bluejeanbudda. I do recognize those things. I worked through issues from my childhood in counseling and support group many years ago. I recognize somethings. I found TAO during that time. I felt like a different person then. Right now I am trying to find my way back to that openness, but I'm finding I'm jadedness that's getting in my way. I'll keep working on it. I've been there before.

Yep, a scumm bag for sure. Don't waste any tears on this guy. Some people are ruthlessly cold-hearted people. Time to say forget him, I am strong and Im not going to waste my time missing this pathetic man. Time to pick myself up and move on, a little scarred up, but ready to start an incredible new life without his negative presence.