I am a man, married 33 years… I have searched and searched for a support groups on line and in person (DivorceCare, too biblical based for me). I am someone right on the verge of divorce. I just needed to not feel like I am the only one out there going through this nightmare….I am finding men are few and far between with these groups. I guess men aren’t supposed to need to express their feelings the way that women do. They are not supposed to worry about relationships. They are not supposed to be sensitive to emotions - theirs or anyone else’s. Maybe I am different, I worry all the time and am desperate for support…
Most of what I read online is where the man has “cheated” and the wife is the victim and wants the divorce or the wife was handed the divorce papers and had no say and most of the time does not want the divorce. Men are pigs, right?... Here’s a little back ground on me, then maybe you all could give me your thoughts (or condemn me). Met her right out of high school (I had next to no experience, she had more) , first girl I really was attached to, never looked back. 5 years later we married. Went ok/fair for first 10 years. Adopted daughter from birth. Troubled child (Bipolar). She just turned 21. She and her mother have fought for last 10 years. Wife and my relationship started downhill about 12 years ago finally there was no similar interest and absolutely no intimacy what so ever……this went 5 ½ years. Slept in separate beds (still do). Yes, I am very embarrassed to even say that….after 5 ½ years, I finally snapped. Ok, here’s the part where all the women will call me a pig. I stepped out on her…..wasn’t long before guilt hit me so hard, I confessed. It was a huge blow, but she had to know it was coming. She decided to stay and I tried extremely hard to work on our marriage for the next 2 years. In the end, pretty much nothing changed. This time I told her I was talking to others and having relations with some. Ladies, you may not want to hear this, but if you are not “taking care” of your husband someone else will, this is nature. Men and women were not meant to live a life of celibacy (unless monk or nun). God did not intend that…intimacy is only part of a loving relationship, but it is a huge part. This is not to say that’s my main concern. On the contrary, a loving relationship has many layers, from the deepest love to a pure caring for one another… Believe it or not, she is committed to staying, but nothing has or will change. I am so lonely, unhappy, and just want to not live this way. (I am not now and will not see anyone until this is over) So I am the one pushing for a divorce that she does not want. I still love and care for her. I wish her no ill will, but I can’t live this way any longer. I feel so damn guilty for doing this. I cry about it all the time. Depression has a strangle hold on me. So see (ladies) it’s not always so cut and dry when your husbands seek another….
I would like to hear any thought, I know I will be condemned by some.

I understand. After 25 years of him being the love of my life he decides he wants his freedom. He just told me yesterday so I feel your pain And confusion.

I will be married 20 years this August, and dated my husband for 7 years before, I am 43 so this is practically my whole life. We have 3 beautiful children. He is an alcoholic and we have lived a very toxic marriage for a decade. He says he loves me , but goes out faithfully 3 times a week now till 3:00 am. I also know he is a drug user, even though he denies it. It is like he has a split personality one minute he is the best dad and husband and then in the next he is angry and blames me for being such a bitch. I have put up with more than any other women should ever put up with. I am not dumb and know there must be other women involved in his life(he lives in dirt bars) . I am at my last straw and have a lawyer, filed the papers but just can't seem to sign and serve.. I am miserable living this way but am so scared to take the next step because I love him so much and our family. I do know I deserve so much better than this and on this holiday weekend I am so sad and not really emotional there for my kids. I am a good mother and do everything like I am a single mother, my kids mean the world to me. As I write this we had another fight because I told him I am going to serve him ( I think I wanted him to say he would go get help ) it ended with a major fight and him heading to the bar . We just had our 20 year vacation planned and this week I called his phone at 3:10 am to see if he was still alive and it picked up w out him knowing and I heard him and a female fighting about him losing something. ( possibly keys) for he came home 20 minutes later. He has an excuse for all of this , but isn't that to be expected.. He said he is playing cards and it was a friends wife helping him find keys!!! Always a lie and a story . Yet I say I want a divorce and he says I am ruining the family and he is who he is!! He says he does not cheat but cannot promise me he will not go out again, "it is in him like it or not" !! I am deverstated because I know the divorce is my doing because he would never leave me... Why would he!! I just need the strength to do it and not regret it.. It is so scary when all I know is us, we have had many great times together and still do, that's what makes this so unbearable, I feel like I am truly crazy. I went to my second alaon meeting today and will start counseling soon.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. I've been doing better these last few weeks with only two really emotional days. I hope you all are doing well and moving forward. I thought I was alone but realize I am not. Hugs to all of you.