I was in for 30 years and the divorce was not out of the blue.

It had been bad for 12 years until toxic if I Had been thinking
with my head not my heart and all my fear of change i would
have filed way back in 2003. I was in for a lifetime he wasn't
anymore. The women thing came about much later on, he
was a checked Out spouse and purposely disconnected.

I go to divorce care, therapy and alanon the three worked well
For me. This has been a long hard pain filled road and journey,
Very glad the divorce part is over, it will be two years next month.
HUGS

It's just one day at a time don't try to put yourself too far ahead into the future so soon..eventually you'll reach a new normal after you detach and return to feeling better. The early days weeks months can be very exhausting. I'm 3 years out now after 24 year marriage collapse when my ex wife cheated and left. It was mind blowing, horrific, nausea inducing ..etc..worse thing I've ever been through but I survived and feel much better now. Recommend NO CONTACT asap.. took me awhile to accept that was the ticket to healing so don't waste time in contact if it's truly over. Good luck you'll be fine. Sucks bad but temporarily ..

18 years, so not quite at the 20 year mark. It's SOOO hard to have spent so much of your life with a person and have them betray you so shockingly.

The feeling alone part is normal and will slowly get better. You'll meet new people, make new routines and have a new 'normal'.

The surreal part is normal and will slowly get better. I felt like I was watching my life unfold from the outside, like watching an episode of the twilight zone where you're looking at things from the other side of a fun house mirror.

The not being able to image a future without your significant other is normal. They are called 'significant' for a reason, they were a BIG part of your life.

There are some stages you haven't go to yet from what I can tell: insecurity, self-indictment, loss of self-worth and rage. Those are all normal as well.

I'm a ways further into the process than you are, Wednesday will be 10 months since my life came crashing down. You will get through this. It is going to SUCK! Concentrate on just making it through the day. Start doing things where you're the beneficiary - eat healthier, work out, learn an instrument, go to a movie, join a bowling or pool league - stuff where YOU are the one who gets something out of it. Share your feelings with people rather than bottle them up. Get in touch with a therapist ASAP, the sooner you can start working through things the better.

You're not alone in this. There are plenty of people here more than willing to give advice or just listen to what you're going through. If it's easier or healthier for you I'm more than willing to talk in private messages as well.

Have you shared your feelings with anyone? I said nothing to anyone for 8 years. Finally, I confided in a friend in the high school parking lot after back to school night. What a relief. I then still didn't tell many people until I actually filed a year later. When I wanted to tell someone, I would feel a cry coming on so I stopped. Being able to talk to someone you know and trust can really help a lot.

I will have been married 30 years, although where the time went I have no idea.

25 years for me. Im here to listen

I pretty much liken it to housework.

You can't figure out how you'll decorate the room till you clean it and get all the junk out of it.

Any attempts at visualising the new furniture, paint and curtains come up a bust.

So clean it. Clean it first. Get through the history, the backlog, the past. Become current with your feelings, get over the pain and the past.

When the past is done with, the future will be accessible. But for now you won't be able to view the future at all.

19 years married, together for 22. Betrayed by your best friend, shocked but after some time to reflect...I'm not surprised. My relationship was toxic and one sided.
Sorry you are going through this. It's painful and hard. I found therapy and joining a divorce group to be very helpful. I'd be lost with out that.
-HUGS-

I got divorced last year after 30 years. I caught my ex in the bedroom with the guy she left to be with me back in the 1980's. It was very out of the blue and unexpected for me, but looking back now I can see she was emotionally detached at least 9 months before that happened. I don't know what I can do to help, but you're welcome to contact me if you need someone to vent to, or want to bounce questions for a guy's perspective, etc. And as other's may mention, getting therapy and/or into a divorce support group is instrumental in healing IMO.

I had been married for 19 years and the last straw for me was the dating of multiple women he has been doing for the past 8 months. Isolation is the worse, I have been experiencing that as well. I have one friend who is divorced but we have not had a chance to get together with her custody schedule and job. So this group has helped me at least stay afloat. I am not sure what exactly your situation, but I know that I feel more free than I had in a long time. I also know that the road I am on now might be lonely, but I know living with someone who thinks dating/lying/cheating is an okay way to live; then I want no part of it. I have a picture in my head of me standing on a glass walkway over the Grand Canyon. I know my feet are on a glass platform, but my eyes only see the ground so far below. It is hard to trust that the glass will hold. Good luck

33 years for me. He was a serial cheater who hid his cheating very well. Then he went to work over seas on temp jobs that lasted 10 years. I no longer had a marriage but was allowed to manage the finances and drop him off and pick him up at the airport once a year. I've been divorced almost ten years now and I'm doing okay. As soon as I filed the ex came back to the states and was trying to get his Chinese wife over here. I think he managed that right after the divorce was final. He took a different path with our lives and I chose to divorce. I was so lonely for so long in our marriage. I'm not lonely now because I choose to live the way I do. I managed to keep the farm I started while he was away working and I stay busy building a future for myself. I love what I am doing and I will never marry again but that is my choice and I'm okay with it.

These feelings are completely normal after such a break-up- it's taken me 7 years to move forward in forgiving my ex (he also cheated). One of the hard blows is having family torn apart and when my grandson was born-it was like the wound was reopened. They say time heals all wounds but I'm learning that forgiveness is something I have to do everyday-until it doesn't hurt anymore. We were less than a month away from our 20 year anniversary.

I'm getting a divorce after 31 years of marriage. My husband has serious problems with prostitutes, web cam hoes, and anonymous "hook ups." I threw him out. I felt lost for the first 4 months. Crying, depressed, in a state of disbelief that my life had come to this. I am now planning a brand new life.....by the beach. Please get yourself a copy of "Leave a Cheater- Gain a Life." It's the ONLY book that has helped me get through this nightmare. It's NOT about reconciliation. It's about understanding what happened.....and how to rebuild your life after sexual betrayal.

I found a good trauma therapist and for the first 4 months I took a low dose of antidepressant medication- just to scrape myself out of bed and get on with the day. It took the edge off the pain, but time and knowledge about cheaters helped the pain become manageable. Please read Chump Lady's blog. Her book "Leave a Cheater- Gain a Life" helped me tremendously.

It's normal to "block out the future" after a long term marriage because it's incomprehensible and frightening. I couldn't imagine a life without my husband. I had to live each day...one day at a time. I couldn't imagine what the future would be like for someone my age- starting over.

When I found out that he was up to his neck in porn, webcam hoes, hook up sites- I felt I had no choice but to kick him to the curb. His behaviors put my health at risk for STDs. Not to mention the blame shifting, blatant lying, and gas lighting was wearing me down emotionally.

Six months later- I believe it's possible to go on and have a "great rest of my life." Without a lying, deceptive pervert. I got a new hair do....starting walking.......dreaming.......hoping for a better life. It came to me that since I was a kid....I always wanted to live at the beach. That's where I am heading. I plan to dust off my Bachelor's degree.....find a job.....find some new friends......some new hobbies/interests. In other words- I am going to reinvent my entire life- just the way I want it. I don't know if love and romance will ever be a part of my life again- but I can find lots of other things to love - my adult kids, God, new friends, dogs, cats, the sea, crafting, sewing, beach combing, dance lessons, kick boxing lessons.

Been married 27 years, was a full time military wife and mom. my husband retired from military in less than 30 days, we were excited about our new chapter of our lives together I thought, until 1 week ago, when he told me he is going to live with his dad, that his dad needs him more than me, he now tells me he can get a new wife there. he said he loves me, but he wants a different life than me. I thought we were happy. my youngest son went with dad, because my in-laws bought him off with cars etc. I feel lonely and I don't know where I fit in this world anymore.