Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've never felt this much like a mess before now. I'm 26, been married for only 3 years, been with him since I was 19. Most of the reason we got married was external pressure. We are great friends and rarely ever fight but emotionally we are on very different wavelengths. My best friend since I was 11 is a male and we started talking more around the time I turned 24. We are extremely emotionally close and he has clear romantic feelings for me. I've never physically done anything with him but I'm definitely emotionally closer to him. Husband knows about it. I feel like I'm maintaining an emotional relationship and a physical relationship. I'm basically living two separate lives. Husband has made it clear that he wants all or nothing, either we're married or he's out of my life forever. The problem is that I overthink things, care too much about both of them think, and just feel overall ridiculous for how hard this situation has ended up being for me to get out of. I'm starting to lose patience. I feel like I'm running out of hope that I can find it within me to navigate this and get my life back. I'm frustrated and ashamed and feel very alone.
I think right now u should take a short break from this high school friend. So u can see if you can reconnect with ur husband. Go in couples counseling and give it a fair chance together. Through couples counseling you will see if you can form that emotional connection. But as long as ur sharing that connection with anothet man u won't be able to also share that with ur husband.
If ur just unhappy with ur husband leave him. Or take some temporary distance to think things over. But don't contact ur emotional grow d while it on a temporary break.
Good luck. Please make respectful decisions for all 3 of you involved. Wish you the best
People like that only care about themselves.
You say you care for both but you are really caring for you. You don't leave your husband because what if it is a mistake and you don't go with the other one because you don't know what would be to live with him.
Cheating or not cheating you are betraying your husband. Platonic or real you are having feelings for someone else.
That alone broke my marriage and all the trust I had in my ex. Just the thought of him confiding so personally with another woman made me doubt of all our 13'years together.
If you want the divorce do it but don't hurt your husband anymore. Please know that if you leave him for another man it means done for good. This is not I'm gong to go and play house with another man and see what happens.
Your friend had his chance and never played a move and now that you are married he jumps in and you let him confuse you? What a friend. What is the future of a relationship that starts with so much deceit and pain?
I'm sorry for being so harsh but your story touched home really hard. We are divorcing and the relationship with his "soulmate" did not work.
He broke his family his marriage and now is broke living in a garage.
Personally, I feel that the way in which we love our spouse changes over time – each circumstance unique to the relationship and situation - and for a couple to occasionally find themselves on different wavelengths is not unusual. However, IMO if not careful it can leave one or the other feeling vulnerable – I’m wondering if this is what you might be experiencing? It’s great when we’re able to maintain a childhood friendship, and have someone in whom we can confide, but I do feel that when that person is of the opposite sex it can become a fine line that is very easy to cross. Especially if we’re unhappy and feeling vulnerable. A great book that you might find most helpful is Not Just Friends, by S. Glass.
As an advocate of marriage, it is my hope that you and your H will explore every option to keep your relationship intact. A great way to start is by surrounding yourselves with a good support system – people who are friends of your marriage. Sadly this may mean creating some distance between you and your friend. It’s my experience that when ones heart is in 2 places, it can cloud our vision – and judgement. I truly know how difficult ALL of this is for you – and the thought of taking a time out from your friendship might seem as though it’s the worst possible scenario right now and not what you want to hear, but IMHO? could be the best thing for your marriage. Would you be willing to give it a try?
In doing so, do you think that the space might help you and your H reconnect? Focus on just spending time with each other. Get creative - learn a skill new to both of you, or maybe get involved in a service project – the list is endless; create opportunities where you and your H grow TOGETHER – becoming each other’s best friend and advocate.
Finally, it is said with all sincerity that you will be in my prayers. Remember you are never alone!
Please check back and let me know how you're doing.
Cut both of them off for an entire year, let go of all guilt and go find your one. Don't ever settle for less than true romantic love. Every woman deserves to experience that!
I have to admit that I got married because he wanted it and everyone else our age was doing it too. I didn't really feel excited about it - I was too young (emotionally, not chronologically) to really appreciate that that was a red flag. Over the years, everything became much clearer. Many years, that is. If you have these feelings now, you really really need to analyze your situation before much more time passes, especially before kids come into the situation.
"I'm starting to lose patience"
I'm sure all 3 of you are starting to lose patience. You're the central figure here, those guys are waiting for you it seems. Do the right thing by everyone, and figure out who YOU are, I think you need to go off on your own to figure yourself out, and whether you want to be with either of these guys. Lots of great advice above.