Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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BrooklynnMB 04/22/2015

It's been over a week since our break up and last week I was slowly getting better, doing things with friends, keeping busy. This week I've gone backwards. I went on his Facebook and looked at past posts and sobbed. We were so happy at one time. He was so devoted and so was I, and then... I don't even know why it got bad. It seems like once we got engaged things went downhill. I miss him so much and US. But there will most likely never be an us again. I am so devastated. I need to make an appointment with my therapist. I will. She will help. I feel so awful. I've never felt so bad in my life. Depression I've dealt with, but it was all chemical then, I was able to get better with medication, therapy, exercise, and staying busy. Now I've lost the love of my life and I don't know how to get over that. I tried dating others when we broke up for the year and a half when we did and no one else compared. Then when we got back together I was so happy I couldn't believe we were back together. But it didn't last long I realized he wasn't really in it. Once I found out he was dating other girls that was it, he said he didn't want this relationship with me right now. What a slap in the face. I'm so hurt. Going on his Facebook didn't help. I need to go to work in less than an hour. I feel like I'm dying inside. I need professional help and I'll get it, I hope it helps I can't live like this anymore.

athletic4ws 04/22/2015

Brooklynn, You know going on his FB is a no no. This has been well documented on this site in the past. No good comes from it. If you get the urge to look at it, or to contact him, go find something else to do.
There is a whole world out there that doesn't require social media or text messaging. Make a list of things you can have ready, that you can do when the urge strikes you next time.

Stop referring to him as the "love of your life'. The love of your life wouldn't string you a long like he did. You've built him up to be this great "end all to be all" kinda guy. He's nothing of the sort.
Take him off the pedestal .

Seeing your therapist will be a great step. Its early on in your mourning process, and that would be a great resource.

You deserve better. Someone who can't wait too see/talk to you. Don't settle for less. Peace be with you.

BrooklynnMB 04/22/2015

Thanks athletic4ws. Can I deactivate my Facebook but not lose all the pictures I have on there? I think at least for now it would be best if I deactivate my Facebook. I don't have the willpower to go on there and not check him out.

kbbcoop77 04/22/2015

Yes u can deactivate and reactivate whenever u want . All pics will be there.
I deactivated after my split. My advice is N E V E R go on the exes
Facebook. Never never ever!! I did that once and it was a huge setback. I deactivated and have no desire to go back.

martiniolive 04/22/2015

Hey Brooklynn,

You know, when I read your post i noticed how many things are similar to my situation. I'm in a state of mostly numbness. I've unfollowed him on FB and anytime i get an urge to go check his profile out i come on DS instead :) It helps a lot.

What Athletic4ws said really struck a cord with me. I really do want someone who is excited to talk to me all times of the day, who can't wait to see me, who will get 'mad' if I don't talk to him. I'm trying to find peace in the little things. I no longer have to be frustrated because he ignored me for two days again, I no longer need to be confused when I see him online on whatsapp, yet he can't send me a msg. And indeed, the person we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with, our soulmate or whatever you want to call it, would not (!!!!) hurt us like they are doing.

I tried soooo hard to make our relationship work, but the effort needs to come from both people! The last months i felt like i was alone in the relationship. Maybe it will help you too if you perhaps write down what the things are that you are NOT going to miss. I think we can sometimes invest so much in our partner, that we forget/can't see that we are not getting much or anything back.

I'm sending you lots of hugs. We can do this.

jstcyn 04/22/2015

O Brook - I am so sorry for your pain. I relate to feeling like your are dying in side. I hope you do seek help as you mentioned. I started counseling a few weeks ago. I am hoping it will help. I wish I had the right words to say to make your feel better. I hate this for you and all of us dealing with this type situation. Please take care.

loosingthebattle 04/23/2015

you can request a download from facebook, then after you get the email then de-activate. I did this with our joint acct. I made it to help promote his new venture and advertise, but since I was the other half of the business and doing what little posting we did I added my name.
I did get an email welcoming me back, which I didn't. So within an hour had it shut back down and made more changes to password.
I even ask others not to share if they see things out there. People that don't love you aren't worthy of your time or your thoughts. Take care.

murphytoronto 04/23/2015

Again...I just want you all to know
that even though I have my crisis points and triggers
life is so much better now

and I do have a wonderful new relationship

This process takes time

but healing does slowly happen

you will get there

BrooklynnMB 04/23/2015

I stayed at a friend's house last night because I'm sick in being alone. It was nice. This weekend I'm going out of town to visit a friend. Trying to stay busy! Still hurting though :-(

murphytoronto 04/23/2015

good....keep at it

kkbon19 04/23/2015

You are doing well spending time with friends. Do that as much as you can right now. I blocked my stbx in every way I could...phone, email, facebook. He doesn't need to know my life either. Once blocked I can't look him up or hope or dread he will contact me. The more he is out of my life the better I feel. Like Murphy I still have triggers and bawl my eyes out sometimes, but I often am not actually missing him anymore. It's kind of great. You will get there.

BrooklynnMB 04/26/2015

I had an ok weekend...at least I went out of town and did something. I really miss him though...

Biatta 04/26/2015

I've been in you shoes twice in life. First time I was 22, and we had 2 years serious relationships. We lived together and were each other rock. We were deeply in love and matched each other in all possible ways. But...even then I felt we gonna break up finally, and we did. It took me four years to recover. I dated other guys, but it was no one to compare. Second time I was 26 and had romance with the man of my dream, we were very happy until the girl from his past appeared on the scene. And that was it. He confessed that they lived together for 3 years, broke up, he was devastated and depressed until he mat me. He said that he did believe that we gonna end up being to together. And, honestly he was a great gay, this is not no one's fault that he loved another women. This time it took me 2 years to recover, I even could not date anyone. So, what I learnt is:
1. Time heals, but you have to take efforts and help yourself too.
2. Do not date other guys until you believe you are completely recovered. It is just impossible to find a replacement when you have somebody on your mind. YOu will just become more frustrating.
3. Educate yourself, read books on how to behave after a break up. It might not help you to get your man back. But, it will prevent you from many mistakes people after break up make.
I wish you luck.

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