Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

BrooklynnMB 03/31/2015

Ok, I know its not good to obssess about the past, we can't change it, but I can't help it. I am sooo MAD at myself for breaking up with my ex-fiance almost 2 years ago. Why did I do it? Selfish reasons, I wanted to be single, maybe move to California or Hawaii. (I live in Wisconsin) I regretted it almost immediately. Now I want nothing but to be his wife and stay here and have kids. We are back together, have been for 6 months, but it is not the same. We only see each other maybe twice a week, and we don't do things together as a couple. If he goes out with friends, he goes alone, and if I go out with friends, I will invite him but he doesn't come. We were at the dog park the other day and I over heard him refer to me as his friend, not his girlfriend, Maybe he meant nothing by it but it hurt just the same. He has only told a couple of his friends that we are back together and not his family yet. He says he wants to be with me. I should be happy right? I'm not. I'm still depressed. I don't know what to do. I've wanted nothing but for him to take me back for the past 2 years, now that he has taken me back I'm still not happy.

sja 03/31/2015

The sad reality is that once there is a breakup, even if you get back together after a long amount of time, the damage has usually been done, and I imagine this goes doubly so if it is a broken engagement. If the guy who destroyed my heart a year ago came to me next year and said he wanted to try again and had regrets, I'd tell him too fucking bad, and we weren't even engaged. My ex husband would tell me no if I told him I wanted to work it out. I am guessing you probably hoped when you two got back together that things would go back to the way they were before, but this is not going to happen. I'm sure he suffered a huge hurt when you broke off your engagement, and even though it's been 2 years since, I'm sure he is having huge red flag and trust issues with you. I think there are just some hurts that leave their mark on your heart, even if you "get over" the breakup. You need to talk to him, but also be prepared that it may not be a talk that goes the way you want. IMHO, you have a lot of work to do to repair the damage that occurred from your previous relationship. I'm sorry to say that. Because of your history, his feelings towards you are likely different than when you were together before. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I'm also just trying to be honest.

refurb 03/31/2015

when you had him the first, you weren't happy
now you got him back you aren't happy

maybe you sit with him and try to define what
"we are happy"

BrooklynnMB 03/31/2015

It's ok. I appreciate the honesty.

athletic4ws 03/31/2015

Your needs aren't being met Brooklyn.
- He sees you twice a week?
- He goes out with his friends alone?
- He refers to you as his "friend"? (and he did mean something by it)
- He has told few people that you 2 are back together @ 6 months?

Of course you are not happy.. He isn't commited to the relationship. Stop beating yourself up because you broke up with him 2 years ago. It doesn't give him the right to step all over your feelings.

MrCellophane 03/31/2015

I agree with refurb. You weren't happy then, you aren't happy now. The difference is that NOW he is in a better place, and that's attractive to you. If he comes all the way back around, how long until you grow bored?

Join the Conversation