Vent anytime you want to....that's what this place is fro, Brooklynn.

You know, I don't know. I am in the same situation myself, but its my ex who is trying to repair things with me. And I don't know if its possible. I don't know how I will ever be able to trust him again and that he won't hurt me again, blind-side me again and all of that. As much as I have feelings for him, I won't extend myself to him fully yet b/c to me, its akin to putting my heart on the chopping block again.

What I am doing with him is keeping the lines of communication open as long as it stays healthy. I still have my boundaries up b/c its important and until I feel there is somewhat more of a foundation to even TRY to built up some trust? They will stay firm.

I am just giving time - time, right now. People who have hurt another, erred egregiously and decide they want to make amends and try for more? There is always that initial "nice" period where they show the good side....the happy, I love you always face. And its the other person (in this case, me and maybe your ex as well) who is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's where I am at. I am VERY, very cautiously sort of maybe optimistic that this can be repaired. But I am not jumping in until I see more time pass...and him being consistent with me with his words and actions. I don't want to get burned again. I am sharing all of that b/c maybe your ex feels that way too.

You say being in limbo is hard. Yes, it is. But you created this situation, didn't you? You ended it with him. That was your choice.

So, with him allowing you back into his life after crushing him, you need to find some patience and understand how much you indeed hurt him and just b/c you want it to be how it was - it doesn't work that way usually. This time is about allowing him to find a way to trust you again, if he can and to see if you two can work it out in the end. You are on his time table in that sense. Not yours.

And if that is something that you can't handle, then walk away now and leave him alone. I am finding with my ex he has moments where he wants things to be how they used to be in our happy days, and its not that easy and time is either going to do it's magic, or its not. But regardless, it will work out when and if I become ready to allow him into that space in my heart again. And again, that may be how your ex feels now as well.

Put yourself in his shoes. If he had of left you and then came circling back....would you just jump in? I doubt it.

place is *for

Good post Auroras. Way to set up boundaries, be cautious and protect yourself.

Brooklynn,

My wife cheated on me 7 years ago, recently she asked for a divorce with a number of reasons that are difficult to comprehend. I took her back the 1st time... this time, should I? I'm asking because the actions and decision you made before affected your fiance. They hurt him deeply. They continue to hurt him. Are you willing to put in honest work, give him good space, and communicate?

I want to believe trust can be restored, but I have failed to see it in my own life. My wife never put in the communication or work, and likewise I never made myself vulnerable enough to the point of extending trust. It was MONUMENTALLY difficult. Here I sit today and we are separated, she hangs out with the guys I dislike for many reasons... and I have a transcript from a chat session that demonstrates she is untrustworthy.

You are asking the right question of "How do I earn your trust again?" but you may need to ask him, hopefully he can communicate well.

Why can't you wait forever?

LoneBuck, I mean no offense, but as I recall, I don't think Brooklynn ever cheated or lied to her fianc. She just wanted a break. While I agree with both your and Aurora's advice, it is unfair to imply it's reasonable for her to wait forever. A month is not near enough time to regain trust, though, so Brooklynn, you will need patience, just like aurora said. You need to clearly determine what is hesitance on his part, and what is just punishment for the sake of revenge. Not saying he is going the latter, but some people, many people!, do. It sounds like it's headed in the right direction but you are trying to jump the gun. Give it time.

keelyc,

No offense taken, I'm talking more to the issue of trust. In my case my wife cheated and that damaged trust. Leaving someone or breaking up with them (a fiance in particular) also damages trust. They are different things, but both affect trust and both *would* take varying times to heal from.

As far as waiting forever, I wouldn't expect anyone to wait forever, but I'm curious as to why there is an emphasis on time. Is it for the sake of boundaries?

As the others said, patience is the difference. If you short change his recovery, that could come back later on.

I'm willing to do whatever it is I need to do to regain his trust. Honestly, I think the most important thing is time. I will wait for him a long, long time. I guess I just meant that I couldn't wait forever because it wouldn't be fair to him either. If this isn't going to work out both of us need to move on. However, if it is going to work out, I'm willing to give him all the time he needs.

Honestly, I don't think you are currently capable of making any promises to him at all. You need to heal yourself, and the recent loss you had is making you vulnerable.

Less than 2 weeks ago, you posted......

"I know I love my fiance... but I feel as though I'm not "in love" with him anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break his heart.
Posted on 02/08/13, 03:59 pm"

Are you in therapy? What are you doing to address your own issues?

That was a year ago. Not less than two weeks ago.

You aren't in limbo. You were engaged...broke up...and now you're dating, You have taken your relationship down a considerable notch.

If someone says they need space, give it to them. If someone says they aren't ready and they hesitate, let them do things in their own time.

Oh, my mistake...sorry.

Nonetheless, my suggestion stands.

Thank you everyone for the good advice. I appreciate it.