Dream,

I don't have an answer for you, but I can tell you you are not alone. It's going almost 4 years now for me and just today I had to stop grocery shopping because I was breaking down. I believe it was triggered earlier in the day when I bumped into my son's teacher....that said I'm sure time will heal us....just wish it would hurry up. :)


Peace

I agree with TML. I remember after my first divorce (married 15 years but together for 20) someone had asked me how long it took to get over the divorce. I told them its been three years and I'm still not over it. There's no set timeline to move past a broken relationship.

I would suggest you find a therapist that you click with. You may have had professional support but it may not have been the support you needed.

It does take time - you are grieving. You want a set timeline? Life doesn't work like that - with anything - even the good stuff (I should listen to my own words, right?).

What I noticed for me is during this past time, during my 3 year anniversary, I stopped eating well and I stopped exercising. My mood went downhill - and fast. I know it sounds clich - but even making small improvements in my diet and exercising a little more every day has helped clear the cobwebs. Its what I am doing to try to get back on track.

The other thing that helps me is getting involved in my community. Working with animals. Working at the women's shelter. Working at the food pantry. Even if its a few hours every month, it helps me realize there is more out there than just this - just "my" story of this divorce - this ongoing tape recorder in my head.

I get pretty lost in my work - which has its up and down sides - I feel that I am doing what my faith has put me here for (finally) - if you don't feel that way, figure out what you want to do to get to that place. Go back to school maybe? Figure out what you like? Even if you are doing what you are meant to be doing and really enjoying it, maybe find a way to push it even further - get involved in organizations that are tied to what you do. It'll keep your mind focused on something else.

I don't know how you get past it. You just keep taking things a day at a time and just push through it when it gets hard. You journal. You reach out here. You find a good therapist. You lean on your friends if you are lucky enough to have them. And you do some or all of the things I suggested above - and you start figuring out what you like and where you want your life to go - and just start it.

Its not easy. I can remember laying in front of my front door crying looking at my sweet fur baby and saying I cant go to class today - I just cant. I want to hide. I cant even move I am in so much physical pain. But he would come over and sit with me and I would remember what my goals for my new life were and I would go - and sometimes I would cry in the bathroom at school - but I went.
You take it a day or a moment at a time. And hope one day you wake up and the pain lessens.

Its all I know to do.

xoxo

Divorce is terrible. You have to allow yourself time to grieve, and mourn. It is a loss, or more certainly a "death" of a relationship. You are going to re-invent yourself. You will need time to "detach" yourself emotionally from your estranged spouse. You have to find inner stregnth, and rely heavily on your faith. Ask "God" to help you and " He" will. There is no quick fix to this. It will take time, and everyone adjusts differently. I assure you that the pain and hurt will diminish over time, even though you can not visualize it now. Continue posting on this site and reflect on the comments from people on this site that have gone through this and re-built their lives. This will help you. Support groups will also offer some assitance. Stay strong! Spiritreader!

I can name a 1000 clich's , but only 1 stands true......time..... its been over 3 years for me personally and finally arrived at a place of indifference , its grief, loss, bargaining , anger and finally acceptance, I read a good one last night ....treat everyone everyday like its your last day on earth, I understand as most do on here the massive sense of loss, hopelessness and despair, especially that I don't see my stepson everyday anymore...drink, get out, sleep during the day through depression (All the things I have done even a few weeks ago) Eventually you arrive at a if not great, Better Place love n hugs, your not alone xx

Dream,

Yeah, its tough. I believe we can all relate. I wish I could figure out what triggers the sadness and eliminate it. I have a few ideals but most of the time it just shows up out of the blue.
I have to admit, it is getting a tad easier. Recently, I have been able to discuss my divorce. Details, that weeks ago, would have killed me. I take pride in that and gives me hope for the future.
All counselors are not the same. I would suggest giving another on a chance. It may help!
Best of luck!