You still have fight in you, when you are going through these things its like a roller coaster, but you will come back down and feel better. One day at a time. I'm so sorry for your pain I know that it is really affecting you.

Because if you're like me, you married forever, not just until life got difficult (I sort of remember it in my marriage vows...(sarcastic)).

It IS horrible. It is unfair. It does crumble your dreams. And the life that you wanted for your children IS changing.

I can tell you that your kids will probably be okay (as long as you and your stbx don't mess with their heads), but that doesn't mean that getting divorced is "okay".

Some people compare it to death. In some ways it's much worse, and in other ways it's much much better.

It makes life infinitely more complicated for the rest of you, and your children's lives.

Thank you both. I've always been sensitive but I'm blown away at how this has completely unmanned me. 90% of the time I am a walking gaping wound prone to hide secret tears. 9% I'm an empty shell just going through the motions. 1% I am shocked at the bitterness that boils in me, but that quickly is replaced by the 90%.

I did want my vows to be eternal and I thought I invested myself in making a relationship she would want to commit to. Hell I still want that with her. Sure there are more charming or good looking husbands out there... But I thought honesty, loyalty, and sincerely wanting my wife and children to be happy, loved, and nurtured would be more important.

I'm blathering and venting and I apologize, people. Thanks for listening.

I feel the exact same way. The EXACT same way. It really does feel like some one died, not that they simply left. I can only tell you what every one else tells me. It gets better.

I know how you are feeling my husband and I recently parted and I feel so sad and lonely:(

Blather and vent away... sometimes it is all we can do. We are here to hear you and support you.

I did the same thing. I thought I had married for ever. Give your love to your kids and yourself every chance you get!

Last night she was brutally honest with me and it felt as if my soul shattered into a million jagged shards inside. The sleep deprivation and emotional trauma has me feeling on the edge of collapse. Unbelievably she says she hates to see me hurting because she loves me. WTF?

It seems we may have the same wife. I have recent just hear the same words. " I hate to see you cry and hurt. I hate that I do this to you" Then why the hell are are they doing it?!?!? I really truly can relate to your story. From what you have shared at least. The other side of that small bit of concern "coin" is that horrible anger and resentment they seems to always convey when they talk. I always have felt and painfully still do that marriage vows were for life. Thru comitment , respect , forgivness. Not just when things are good. My wife over the years has proven that when things get rough, she runs. I start doubting why she even married me . Feel free to tell us more of your story. Because even just venting can help you.

It seems we may have the same wife. I have recent just hear the same words. " I hate to see you cry and hurt. I hate that I do this to you" Then why the hell are are they doing it?!?!? I really truly can relate to your story. From what you have shared at least. The other side of that small bit of concern "coin" is that horrible anger and resentment they seems to always convey when they talk. I always have felt and painfully still do that marriage vows were for life. Thru comitment , respect , forgivness. Not just when things are good. My wife over the years has proven that when things get rough, she runs. I start doubting why she even married me . Feel free to tell us more of your story. Because even just venting can help you.

We are here for you, and we listen. Everyone here has been or is going through something very similar, and there are many common themes:

-I love you, but I'm not in love with you
-I hate to see you so sad
yada, yada

What you are going through is the normal response to the shock of it, and the grieving of the loss of your dreams, of all that you mentioned in your post, and also the huge blow to your self-esteem.

I'm so sorry for your pain, but pain is the beginning of recovery. It takes a long time, but it DOES get better and you WILL heal and there are better days ahead for you. Hang in there and post anytime you want, blathering or otherwise.

I was married to a runner too, he lasted 7 years and I know he loves me, still loves me but he isn't able to be married. I too heard all the words: he loved me but wasn't in love with me, he always made me sad, he couldn't make me happy, I'll be better off w/out him, blah, blah, blah, he had every excuse in the book and when he left forever, I really thought it was me. It's taken me a long, long time to realize that it wasn't me, it was him and he would have left whomever he was with at the time. I really hoped he would come back, he didn't so finally moving on in my new, unplanned or wanted life and it's hard but getting better.

What you are going through isn't fair (life really isn't sometimes) and it happens every stinkin day to people like you and I. There is nothing wrong with you!!!! I'm so sorry for your pain and I'm sorry for your sweet children. They are the ones who pay the most in families of divorce, be there for them they need you now more than ever.
Be good to yourself and take things one day at a time. It's going to be hard, but you can do it. We are here for you!!!!!! Hugs

All these kind words are not just helping me but keeping my head above water. I will make it through this for my children. And I still hope. Somehow. But no matter what I will provide the best loving family I can for my boys as a single dad if that is the way it has to be.

Thank you everyone. I've soaked up the sentiment in each post like a sponge and it helps.

Maybe I'll have something good to post. Sometime.