Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well I've officially told my husband I don't want to be in this marriage anymore. From the lies, the drinking, the abuse emotionally and verbally, I've had enough. I could have handled things better I'm sure, but he brought out my mean side and I just gave back to him what he's been giving to me.
It's early. We don't have a place of our own. We live in a bedroom at my parents place. He has his truck, but there is no bathroom in it and I feel awful. I offered for him to come here until things settle a bit so he can have food and some comfort. He said no.
Basically he's gone on drinking binges and stayed in his truck for days. Off and on for the last few months. I offer to bring him home or say the wrong thing and it turns into horrible fights where he's abusive and downright mean. But I'm to blame because I just left him there. We live about 5 minute drive to where he parks his truck so I always felt he could walk home if he wanted too. I always offered to go see him and talk about things. But when he's drunk, there is no getting through to him do I just leave.
He opened up to me about 3 weeks ago and told me the horrible things he endured growing up. He was left behind by his parents. His uncle forced him to pee and poo in a cup as he was locked in a room all day. He was beaten. His real mother died when he was a teenager and his real father was never nice to him. He bounced around foster homes. Finally found great foster parents who saved him and who he calls mom and dad today. I always knew he had a rough upbringing and I wanted to give him a stable life. This doesn't excuse his behaviour with me. But it breaks my heart for him.
Each time I just left him in his truck he felt that abandonment all over. I feel truly awful for that but I didn't know. And I always gave him a chance.
He says he doesn't want anything. None of our possessions. He says he will sit down with a lawyer with me when he has time. He will go to the bank with me when he has time. I really wanted things to end more civil. Guess I can't expect that.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel empty, awful, ashamed, and wrong.
But I know it's for the best.
It's early. We don't have a place of our own. We live in a bedroom at my parents place. He has his truck, but there is no bathroom in it and I feel awful. I offered for him to come here until things settle a bit so he can have food and some comfort. He said no.
Basically he's gone on drinking binges and stayed in his truck for days. Off and on for the last few months. I offer to bring him home or say the wrong thing and it turns into horrible fights where he's abusive and downright mean. But I'm to blame because I just left him there. We live about 5 minute drive to where he parks his truck so I always felt he could walk home if he wanted too. I always offered to go see him and talk about things. But when he's drunk, there is no getting through to him do I just leave.
He opened up to me about 3 weeks ago and told me the horrible things he endured growing up. He was left behind by his parents. His uncle forced him to pee and poo in a cup as he was locked in a room all day. He was beaten. His real mother died when he was a teenager and his real father was never nice to him. He bounced around foster homes. Finally found great foster parents who saved him and who he calls mom and dad today. I always knew he had a rough upbringing and I wanted to give him a stable life. This doesn't excuse his behaviour with me. But it breaks my heart for him.
Each time I just left him in his truck he felt that abandonment all over. I feel truly awful for that but I didn't know. And I always gave him a chance.
He says he doesn't want anything. None of our possessions. He says he will sit down with a lawyer with me when he has time. He will go to the bank with me when he has time. I really wanted things to end more civil. Guess I can't expect that.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel empty, awful, ashamed, and wrong.
But I know it's for the best.
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Just thought I would join this group now that I am a widower. My wife passed away May 28th. She was "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I met her, I was a drunken, dope smoking, fighting, hell raising biker. She told me if I could get rid of the inner storm within me, that I could be a blessing to people. God placed her in my path to stop me. I have been drug and alcohol free now for 53...
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My husband and I got our foster license last month, after 3 years of hard work (we had to start over multiple times due to family dramas and Mom's open heart surgery). We spent a year preparing the whole house, guest rooms, and children's bathroom for older kids of 7 yr old and up. Then we got a call that we have been approved to receive twin newborn premies. What, what?!! Babies!? Premies?!...
If you gave it your best shot, that's all you can do. It doesn't sound as though your husband wants to salvage the marriage either.
Sometimes, this happens in life, people just want out. I have read many of your posts and I can't say I am surprised that your marriage is ending. Communication, honesty, intimacy, trust, all go in the mix to make a good marriage and if these elements are lacking or absent, trouble usually is not far behind.
It's just sinking in now. Mind you it's fresh, like last night fresh and I'm sitting here crying. This sucks. Yes I'm ending it, but it doesn't mean it's easy for me and I'm sitting here worrying about him. I need to worry about myself right now
I've been exactly where you are. I too left my alcoholic husband and it was heart wrenching....but, I couldn't live that way anymore.
Don't take it personally when you reach out to him to offer care and comfort, to be turned away. I did this for 3 years after I left. It's up to him now (and you) to find yourselves and heal. It is possible, and it will happen if you allow it. I've found that surrendering is where we find peace. It hurts, I know...
Hugs!
Is he just now telling you about his horrible childhood? Or did you know some of this already? If he's just telling you some of this now, that makes me think he's exaggerating just to make you feel guilty for making him go through abandonment again.
My STBX's mom is a raging alcoholic and was verbally, mentally and to a lesser extent, physically abusive to him growing up. He told me about it when we were dating, but now 23 years later, he has basically turned into her. I had been thinking he was above all that since he obviously knew how wrong her behavior was. I pointed out several times to him that he turned into her, and he wouldn't put up with it, and moved out the first chance he got, so why should I be expected to put up with it? I guess I am sharing this story to let you know that even with these new revelations about why your husband drinks, he probably won't change. Stay strong when he tries to lay guilt on you. You don't deserve to be abused, no matter what he has gone through. Maybe now he'll get some help for his issues.