I am going to try to condense this as much as possible. Please forgive my spelling as I don't have time to check it. I'm rushing to do this before my husband hogs the computer again.

I am a 55 year old woman whose husband is both physically and mentally ill. He's had colitis since Febuary and has recently been diganosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Six years ago he went on treatment for hep-c. He's been clear of the disease ever since treatment. A few months after the treatment, my husband told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. At that time we were living in Florida and I was my mothers full time care giver. She had dementia. I wound up placing her in a nursing home and worked like hell to save the marriage. Four months later my husband decided to stay in the marriage.

We moved from Florida to Utah three years ago to servive the housing market and economy. I gave up everything I owned to make the move. We drove here with a few boxes of books and pictures. Took six months to be able to afford an apartment. First job my husband found lasted 2 months. Took him 3 months to find another job.At the time I was unable to work due to illness. I went back to work a year later. I am an independant contractor who telecommutes from home.

Through the past 21 years in this relationship I have been the one who is forever sacrificeing and forgiving. My husband is also a recovering alcholic who from time to time has drank behind
my back. I am the strong one in the relationship and the one who always cleans up his messes!!

A year ago a friend in Florida turned my husband on to a social website for Pagans which has become his whole life. Last month, we got into a fight over finances and again he told me he wants a divorce. This time, I am not fighting to save the marriage. We are both going for seperate counciling. His doctor is working with him to get a grant to go back to college for 4 years and to go on disabilty. Looks as though it will come through for him. soon. He's never finshied any of his pipe dreams to date, and I doubt he will complete four years of college. Oh, I forgot to mention, he's been cheating on me with a few women on that website I mentioned. He believes these people are his best friends. Either he's emailing them, chating online with them, or talking on the phone with them. Really gets on my nerves!!

My plan is to move back to California where I am originally from when I have some money. I'm goaling for sometime in the spring of next year. Until then, due to the financial mess we are in, we have to live together. Yes, I know we should split up, but there truely is no way to do it.

I am here on this site to get support during this awful time in my life, and also to give support back as well.

Thanks for listing to me and what ever support you can give.

Lauren







































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