Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jwalkr 01/12/2010

Last week, a friend of my STBX's called and asked me if I was dating. I told him no, kind of friending, but definitely not dating. He's a great guy and we always got along really well. Said he understood would I just want to have a burger with him. So I did. Had a great time. Called the next day to say how much he enjoyed my company, etc. At the time of the call I started a panic attack. He showed up where I work today and left me a note: "Pizza, wings, beer or wine; Wednesday or Thursday, your place or mine."

I'm not ready for a "relationship." F-buddy is one thing, have that in the bag, but definitely not ready to "give" in a relationship or even to "get" at thsi point. I just want to be. Have fun, flirt, laugh but nothing even on a weekly basis. And I know this guy is really into me.

I know I have to talk to him and tell him but I don't quite know how to say it. It's been 20 years since I've had anything like this.

Any advice????

deleted_user 01/12/2010

Roadrunner's response is perfect

nolaguy 01/12/2010

He has probably though you were a great person for a while. Us men tend do go after what we want will risk a friendship for love. You have to do what is best for you. That's what he's doing! (Hope I'm not defending a scoundrel)

deleted_user 01/12/2010

1. dude is into the woman.

2. dude is even so into the woman, he writes gay poetry.

3. woman gives up the milk for free randomly, yet this dude is still offering to pay for the cow.

4. woman says dude make her feel like high school.

5. roll the dice, or you can't win.

this class is now over. STFU, thanks. Jaken, up the methadone.

deleted_user 01/12/2010

*waving at voodoooo*

deleted_user 01/13/2010

I think SFY is right and he thought the burger outing was a date. Just be honest and say "I'm not ready to date." It sounds like it will be the second time you tell him, but that burger was a mixed message. You should probably add an apology about the burger event possibly feeling like a date to him.. Just clear the air.

don't ask me about f-buddies though 'cause I have no idea..

deleted_user 01/13/2010

Yeah, I just looooove it when I get a panic attack at the sound of a mans' voice...That thumpity-thump of my heart that takes my breath away as I hyperventilate . Makes me feel all tingly and girly inside!

jwalkr 01/13/2010

nolaguy, thanks for that perspective. i think you hit it right on the head. i really appreciate the insight.

v00d00 - cow does not randomly give the milk away - very selective.

red - your description of the feeling is so right on i can't believe it. never thought i'd have those feelings again. yum!

so, will take all of the kind and thoughtful advice, make the phone call. apologize for any misunderstanding i may have caused and move on.

again, thank you all so very much!

deleted_user 01/13/2010

just remind him that you aren't ready for a relationship, and just need a friend right now.

deleted_user 01/13/2010

I'm sorry to be a downer here, but this guy showed me what type of man he is.... He wants to date his friends wife? C'mon... am I really the only one having a problem with this? You actually think this is a "good man"?

I would say that he is the type of man that I would personally run from....

Aren't there some unwritten rules somewhere that actually states that this is not cool?

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