Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Last week, a friend of my STBX's called and asked me if I was dating. I told him no, kind of friending, but definitely not dating. He's a great guy and we always got along really well. Said he understood would I just want to have a burger with him. So I did. Had a great time. Called the next day to say how much he enjoyed my company, etc. At the time of the call I started a panic attack. He showed up where I work today and left me a note: "Pizza, wings, beer or wine; Wednesday or Thursday, your place or mine."
I'm not ready for a "relationship." F-buddy is one thing, have that in the bag, but definitely not ready to "give" in a relationship or even to "get" at thsi point. I just want to be. Have fun, flirt, laugh but nothing even on a weekly basis. And I know this guy is really into me.
I know I have to talk to him and tell him but I don't quite know how to say it. It's been 20 years since I've had anything like this.
Any advice????
I'm not ready for a "relationship." F-buddy is one thing, have that in the bag, but definitely not ready to "give" in a relationship or even to "get" at thsi point. I just want to be. Have fun, flirt, laugh but nothing even on a weekly basis. And I know this guy is really into me.
I know I have to talk to him and tell him but I don't quite know how to say it. It's been 20 years since I've had anything like this.
Any advice????
yes, f-buddy is nothing... but a friend is just so difficult.
are people seriously this retarded?
follow your heart. if seeing him is going to cause more pain then joy, then don't do it.
for me, it wouldn't be healthy.
hugs
You told him you you weren't interested in dating, but you went on a "date" anyway (knowing that he was interested in more). Shame on you.
You had a panic attack when he followed up.
You are still over invested in your stbx's affairs.
Please think a bit more before going the f-buddy route with anyone. It sounds as though you may need a bit more time. Best wishes.
Big, supportive hugs for you!
Lynne
Just so your clear, if the guy doesn't go away and not come back when you tell him your only interested in being friends it means he still thinks he has a chance. Always.
It's a truth you can't escape no matter what. Kind of like 1+1 will always equal 2.
If you were truly blind sided and thought you had perfect union then you need possibly 3-5 years to become YOU in full bloom, unemcumbered with the past. DivorceCare has one metric that says you need 1 year to heal for every 4 years of marriage. In your case that is five years - see the DC module on becoming single and the process. (Maybe you started separating from him years ago. Subtract some of that time from total due.)
Since your divorce is not final and you might still be negotiating with STBX, I would shut this down ASAP so you don't jeopardize civility in your efforts to get to settlement. Your STBX may not be too happy with his "friend" dating his current wife.
Godspeed.
you tell everyone to be alone and 'heal'... i.e. be miserable and alone just like you... for years... LOL.
people get what they deserve. i'll have a good relationship one day soon. you'll be old ladies alone in the nursing home with your f-buddy.