Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jwalkr 09/28/2009

After 19 1/2 years of marriage my husband told me last month that he didn't want to be married anymore. Didn't want the responsibility or to be accountable to anyone, loved me like a sister, not a wife, hasn't been happy for a long time, etc. Absolutely blindsided me and I am not easily surprised. I truly had no clue and neither did anyone else who knows us. There is no other woman -- he is brutally honest and would never spare my feelings by lying, plus I checked, lol.

I know all the things I should be doing: taking care of myself, looking out for me, detaching, moving on, keeping busy. But I am still just so overwhelmed. I wake each day crying. Mornings are horrible. Afternoons are worse. By dinnertime I seem to get some sanity back and am ok for the evening, but I cry at the drop of a hat. I am 53 years old, this is my 2nd marriage, my first lasted 11 years even though I knew it was not right from the beginning. So now I am going to be a 2 time loser. I loved my husband with all my heart -- all my dreams and plans included him and our life together. We both took early retirement so we could enjoy our life, this was supposed to be the good part.

I don't know where I'm going with the post other than to just introduce myself and see what happens.

deleted_user 09/28/2009

deleted_user 09/28/2009

jw, you are NOT a 2-time loser!! Your situation sounds like mine, with the exception that he was having an emotional affair with someone 10 years younger. We were married 17 years, and then "Wham". Post, post, post, and vent away. Many of use here are going through similar troubled times.

deleted_user 09/28/2009

i am sorry for your pain. keep reaching out for support!!!

HUGS

deleted_user 09/28/2009

15 years for me and I was married before that.

We are never prepared for this. Have you asked him to go into therapy?
If this is his direction and not your's I am very sorry for you. Try to be strong, try not to blame yourself. It's not easy when you love someone and things change. I would suggest reaching out to this board( God knows I have) seeking help through church or friends and a good therapist will help you too.
hang in there and be strong!

deleted_user 09/28/2009

Sorry for your pain. I hope that you are able to grieve and find new interests in life. I am sorry that you are in this pain! It's an unfortunate truth that you can not make someone love you - you can only react to the situation. I will pray for your healing!

deleted_user 09/28/2009

It just sucks. But the first thing you need to do, is to stop thinking of yourself as a two time loser. Instead, you have to find you, and know that you are a beautiful , wondeful person, who believes in herself and in love!

deleted_user 09/28/2009

I second what Woobie said, you are NOT a 2 time loser. His actions have to do with him, not you.

It will take time to heal from this. Be gentle with yourself, and patient. Take the help and support from this place to help with your healing.

lycesq 09/28/2009

I agree with Woobie and Gaelyn - don't call yourself a two time loser. You are someone who gave her heart to two people who didn't have the maturity to appreciate it. They are the losers.

Lynne

deleted_user 09/28/2009

I am so sorry for you. You are NOT a second time loser. This was beyond your control. My wife did the same thing to me seven months ago. I had all the same feelings with same breakdowns at about the same time. I don't know what is in a person's heart but I do know that you can't spend your time blaming yourself. Take care of you and let me know if I can help...

deleted_user 09/28/2009

been there done that

mine walked out on me xmas eve 07 after 33 yrs married

it hurts, it sucks and you just have to go thru the misery to get to the otherside..

we're here, we get it - just different stages

deleted_user 09/28/2009

He lied to you in your marriage so I wouldn't take his word. Was he happy 6 months ago? Apparently not so he lied to you. You say you checked about other women. How? Many of us here have been down this road. I was married for 23 years and in a relationship with her for over 25. The script is pretty standard-believe me. I suggest you also visit divorce after 20 years of marriage here. You'll find lots of common stories and support there too. I'm very sorry for your pain but it does get better. Come here often-it helps.

deleted_user 09/28/2009

You found a place with those who understand. We have been in your shoes and know how the pain and confusion feels.. Big hugs to you..Hold our hands and we will help you through....

deleted_user 09/29/2009

I am so very sorry for your pain. I don't have anything in terms of advice with this but major hugs today and for the rest of your days.

JGMeemaw 09/29/2009

Sounds like my story. I thought our life was ideal, we were married 43 years and planning to retire. He never expressed unhappiness nor did I sense it. He simply told me one day when I came in from work that he was unhappy and filed for divorce. There was no discussion. It was over. It's been nearly 2 and a half years and I've finally reached the place where life is worth living again. I wish I had found this site sooner--people here understand and CARE!!

deleted_user 09/29/2009

jwalkr,

I am sooo sorry about what you have to go through. It is devastating.

I have to add my voice to the long chorus of posters here who say you are *not* a two-time loser. It's completely understandable why you feel that way, of course, and there's probably nothing anyone can say right now that will make you not feel that way.

I just hope that you will make an effort to detach the pain and broken dreams and your suffering from you being a loser. You've lost a lot, yes, but that doesn't make you a loser in the way tha word is commonly used.

I read a gazillion self-help books after my fiance threw me away like a piece of human trash from one day to the next, and your post reminded me of one book in particular.

You might find this helpful:

"Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Survive the Ending of Yours" by Daphne Rose Kingma.

In this book, Kingma focuses a lot on the ending of longterm marriages, so I think you'd find a lot to relate to.

Best of luck to you, dear.

(((HUGS))))

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