She's 10. Do you think she really understands what is and isn't your business? If mommy's out and someone else is watching her, that's pretty harmless information as far as any 10 year old would be concerned. An adult would have to tell them that it's private information and tell them not to tell anyone else.

Sounds coached to me. The conversation probably went something like "If daddy calls dont let him know I am not home" most 10 year olds would not lie unprompted like that in my opinion

I've seen with my son that he does not want to say anything to me or his dad that will cause us to be upset. I wouldn't jump to conclusions about her being coached, but I would bring up the subject in a non-threatening kind of way about child care.

I've really had to make some tough decisions about my 10 year old son and leaving him alone for small amounts of time. While I'm not entirely happy with those decisions, I've been left with NO other choice. I don't leave him alone for hours on end, but if he gets there at 6:00pm and I don't get home till 6:30 or 6:45 because of my commute, then this is the way it has to be. My son has a cell phone and knows how to use it and our house phone and has a list of numbers to call. Do I leave my child at home alone to go and spy on my husband? No.

Yes, you should try to talk to her about it.

the situation between you and your ex is very volatile, she has been using the children to hurt you. i don't believe a 10 yr. old would say it's none of your business what mommy is doing, she was probably told that by her mother. your ex has very angry, bitter person. and now this is what the children have to live with. how very sad for them. but if i were you, i would let the children know how very much you love them, and to always tell the truth. that the truth is very important. your ex sure does not care about character. it makes me sick, what she is doing to those kids. they don't have a chance at a loving safe peaceful place to grow up. i'm sorry for all of you.

Well speaking from experience, my STBX when the OW would be at my house while I was at work. He would tell my 4 year old don't tell mommy that Holly was here. So being 4 years old she'd run up to me and say Mommy Holly was here but daddy told me not to tell you. Now she's so confused she barely talks about their visits. I can only imagine what he fills her little head up with. I'm sorry this pisses me off. I don't know about your STBX but sounds like she might just be talking out loud and your kids are picking up on it. Regardless your just being the concerned parent about the safety of your children, they don't get that. THEY meaning the STBX...so sorry that happened to you last night. I understand the frustration. Kids should come first....PERIOD

It's just really, really unfair for any parent to put his/her child in the position of lying to the other parent.

I mean, it's just so selfish.

You ask a kid to lie because you want to avoid an argument or unnecessary drama. Great. So it makes your life easier.

But at what cost? Your kid is all fucked up now, because loyalty to one parent means a betrayal of the other.

Way to go, Parent of the Year.

It is a difficult situation and unfortunate. I have a ten-year-old as well and I don't ask him about what goes on when they are with me STBX and the OM. He knows what's going on and I can tell it makes him uncomfortable. I avoid putting him in a position where he would have to lie about something.

That being said the sadder thing is that I have noticed he has been lying a lot more about little unrelated things. I think this is because he sees mommy getting away with it and wants to see if it will work for him. When it happens I just tell him that when you lie to someone it means you have no respect for them, and I would appreciate it if he told me the truth.

as much as it sucks mine soes it all the time because she doesnt want to upset me when mommy and him are together just make sure someone is watching them and let it be it sucks ass but,She didnt do it on purpose she was trying to protect you

Shit, sorry man. So tough not to put our kids in the middle... do you think you could just drive over to your stbx's house next time and see who's watching the kids?

There is a restraining order on me, so I can't just stop by the house.

I am really concerned about my daughter lying.

I will definitely have a talk with her and tell her that my only concern are for her and her brothers. To lie to me to protect me or her mom is not her responsibility.

If there's a restraining order then all you can do is try to explain to your k ids that you are not concerned in the least with what their mommy does, ONLY what happens to and with them when they are with her. Good luck, you walk a fine line.

Let me start out by saying it is NEVER right to drag children into ANY problems that you 2 ADULTS are having!!!
Now that I got that out..........ha,ha!
Are you the kind of person that during this split has been digging for info on what she is doing in her personal life? I just wonder why she feels the need to hide what she is doing?
My ex dumped me but now can't stand me having another life with someone else and digs for info all the time.

I think this was NOT a conversation that you should have had with your 10 year old daughter. PERIOD. Ask your stbx.

I think your daughter was definitely coached. Can you send a polite email to your ex and say I'm fine with you going out whenever you want to. I don't need to know who you're with, where you're going or anything else. I would appreciate having the opportunity to spend that time with my children if at all possible. Remember that is free babysitting. If I'm unavailable, I'd like to know who is watching them.

How can she get upset with that? Good luck to you.

If you were with someone, have them give a statement about then seeing the car, her, or whatever, the date and time.

But if she had a responsible babysitter there is not much you can do about it. But you can show the court that she isn't even with the kids when she has them so you should get more time with them, if that is what you are wanting.

I caught my oldest lying about her dad. It was the stupidest thing too. She isn't supposed to get phone calls after 9pm. Low and behold, her phone showed that he had been calling her at 10:30pm! She said she didn't want to get him in trouble because there was a written agreement he wouldn't call after 9pm. I told her that he is an adult and he will have to deal with it. But her lying to me only hurts my trust of her and that isn't what she wants at her age. She is going to want to have more independence and I'm going to question if she's ready for it if she can't be honest with me over little stuff. Sooner or later you are going to have the "don't lie to me" talk anyway. Might as well make it now.