Yes, I worked in the heathcare field, but I always felt fake...Always...since I was a child...I grew up a pretender, a people-pleaser to an alcoholic mother....it was survival...married an alcoholic man....he dumped me after my BI...car accident. I have never known why I always felt alien.....then I got my birth records a few years ago...a gut feeling told me I needed to....well both of my lungs were collapsed at birth...I have a picture of my chest, my heart looks huge...that's because my lungs were not inflated....I should/could have died....lack of oxygen to my brain....this was before 1960.....I will never know if I have always had brain abnormalities...if that is why I felt alien...different..even tho I worked, I still felt like a failure, and when I could no longer work....I had No identity anymore. I guess my point is, no matter how successful a person looks on the outside...on paper...it is the inside heart and soul that matters...even random acts of small kindness mean more to me nowdays, and I worked at one of the largest hospitals in the USA.

Pogo....you may not agree with me, but sharing your life, your struggles here on this board is a huge contribution and although you may never know how much of a difference you make in someone's life with TBI/ABI...IMO...You Do! Just my ramblings from an unquiet mind!! You can vent and be pissy here anytime you want to!!

Pogo, any support groups in your area you can join and participate?

Thank you Cheesecake! By the way, I finally got to go the Cheesecake Factory in May!:) And Aust, I am trying to get some support groups started in my area. I live close to Fort Sill in Oklahoma but all the tbi support groups are in OKC and Tulsa.

What the hell ? You are feeling sorry for yourself. Cut that shit out! I am not married or have kids and I wanted that. Plus I was cute as hell. Thank goodness I got my TBI at 49, and you've had yours since 10and still managed a husband, kids and he takes care of you to boot. Life is hard!!!!!!!!!! For everyone...............Who gives a shit about your legacy. Its what we do with our lives while we are living that matters. You are poo-pooing your graces.

Anita, that was harsh IMHO..Everyone's journey is different, and years ago people with TBIABI were put in mental hospitals, because docs knew so little, did not believe the person, etc,etc...I was twice...no fun.....I have had depression/possible seizures since childhood and no one to talk to or go to, and everyone has a right to grieve their own way or vent here, and hopefully at some point find some peace and perspective. Plus...med changes are a bitch sometimes!! It is very hard to look back at years gone by and wonder...or wish what if!! For me it''s usually depression and lately grief...like my rambling post on this thread!! Everyone has the right to vent without judgement....I'm in a pissy mood myself today!!!!!!

I agree with Cheesecake...this is a place to vent as well as getting some really good suggestions/advice/support. Not a place to tear others down when they are already low.

I felt sometimes its better to slap a hand rather than hold it. It sounded as if she was letting this define her and that doesn't help. But in hindsight you're probably right. I have read so many posts PogoPalOjand there were a lot of posts. Although that's good, I felt like I really like her, You. I felt like I am really trying not to let this define me and it really helps but we all are different with a common theme. I'm sorry PogoPaj Oj. if I was too harsh and hurt your feelings. I hope you can let it go. I don't want to hurt you.

Anita

Yeah, i did 4 years of college before tbi. Got a trade certificate.... Did 4 years after tbi, got another MUCH better trade certificate, with a 100K per year job. My memory points me out to EVERY coworker and boss.

I cant keep a job or friends. No wife, and live with my parents...... Im 33. I manage to keep positive, but suicide is looming.

Just look at my user name..... Life is NOT a competition, because the cards have been unfairly stacked against the majority. I wasnt born into royalty. Im not outgoing. Im quiet and respectful, this has got me NOWHERE!

I wish you all, inner peace.

Sometimes we leave a footprint and don't know we have. It may change someones way of living or looking at situations. They see us as positive, normal people in our trials. Maybe that's the mark where to leave behind for others. Strength in our weakness and difficulties.

You can be pissy sometimes. You can scream and shout about how crappy life's been for you. In the end, life goes on.
I don't know the specifics of your life but I'm sure there is both good and bad because that is what life is. If you feel like lashing out at the world, good for you, you probably have that right. At the end of the day, remember that life can be both better and worse. Sadly, our actions tend to create most of our problems. If your husband is overprotective, tell him. This is your life. If you don't, then that's the life you are settling for.
As for me, it takes me a methadone and 2 oxys just to get out of bed because my back is so destroyed. Somedays, I hurt so much I just want to eat a gun. The thing that keeps me going isn't that I've "made my mark on the world" because I can't even remember my wedding. Its that I have a wonderful spouse that at times, yes, is a pain in the butt by being overprotective. Every time I just have to think that if anyone should be complaining, it's her. Frankly, I've gotten off easy.

everyone is different . there a wall i cannot get past i always wondered why i did raised six kids function pretty well , but in the past years i have to make myself get things done ,

Anita support is not putting someone down , it really was unkind there was a different way of saying it probably better left unsaid hugs min

Hi Pogo. I totally understand what you are feeling. I am a 53 year old man who has lived with a BI for 52 years (but have only known about it for a few years). I saw failure in every aspect of life. Work, relationships, motivation etc. In essence, i didn't know that i was 'doing my best' because i was measuring against non tbi standards. Success is a relative thing. Making a difference in the world is achieved by 'doing YOUR best' in the face of a world plagued with ppl 'doing their worst'. You seem to think that being a 'good' mother is not a 'world altering' achievement, but I can promise you, it's only one of the greatest. Too many mother's are messing it up because they have forgotten this simple fact. Children desperately need warmth and connection from their mother's and too many mothers are abandoning that 'duty' for a paycheck and an ego boosting career. Being a good mother 'means something' to the entire world, because the entire world has to live with the results.