Suzy-
I can relate to you quite a bit! I used to have so many friends and I guess I still can call them my friends but I havn't heard from them for a very long time.. and for how difficult everything has been I dont feel like I should be the one trying to put in all the effort. Brain injury pulls us from so many typical things and its hard to adjust and keep up when were not the same as everyone else. I look completely fine like nothing is wrong with me but I'm unable to work or go to school right now which is depressing.. Normally someone would love to not have to work or go to school, but it keeps you busy and your life in order. Don't know if this is making sense, I've sort of been a wreck lately but just wanted to let you know your NOT alone! I also am always feeling lost...so don't really have any tips but once I get more of this figured out I'll let you know!

I'm sorry for everything you have been through and have to live with. I had a traffic accident in which I hit my head and broke many bones. friends were great whils I was in hospital. They could understand I was sick then but after they all drifted and some picked fights with me and used those fights as an excuse not to talk to me again. I also lost my long term boyfriend in the aftermath, he just didn't like the new me but couldn't even admit that, coward.
Its shocking to think how my life was and how it is now.
With this new year i am making a new go of things. Although I have said that a few times already. I'm 5 years past my accident now.
Its not fun but this is life now and we have to try and accept things for how they are and just go on.
It is hard for people to understand if they haven't had such an injury and they will make up other excuses for the distance between you.
You am find that some of them come back in time but don't chase after them. Sometimes you just have to accept who they are and move on. there are better people out there but it takes time to find them. You will though. Are there any brain injury groups close to you, perhaps if you meet some other people going through the same thing you may find them more understanding.
This is a great site and you will be glad you have found it. Some great people on here and most of us know exactly what you are going through as we have been there ourselves and we want to help and support you.

hi suzy, i to am so sorry that you also are going threw this, November 26th 2011 was the date of my accident, my husband and I went to my brother inlaws we were all going to go horse back riding, I was raised on a farm in alabama and road, trained and broke horses all my life. and loved it.. this day i had put my foot in sturip and the horse took off runnung before i could get on his back, and my foot was stuck in the sturip, as i tried to pull myself on him he jumped a ditch and landed on pavement, my husband told me i hit head first, i was air lifted to hospital and was in cicu for 4 days then to room and stayed 8 days, i was told i had fractued the r side of my head, had bleeding on frontal lobe and swelling in my brain, for the first 6mths or so i had double vision, and could remember nothing, my vision has now cleared, i have shortterm memory, something that happened yesterday seems like it happen was weeks ago, bad head aches every day, and i to have seizures, I know how hard this is to deal with, some days are good and some days are so hard. i hope in some small way my story has helped you. you hang in there and know you are not alone,

Hi Suzy, I'm glad you've come here. You've gone through so much, and to be a teen , missing school, must be very frustrating and lonely at times. Do you still have a close friend, ( or someone who used to be ) that you can call and just say "I miss what's going on. Fill me in on the latest dirt"? If you can get one person to start talking with you, more may follow. There's the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality; since you're not there to talk to , they forget that you're still interested. Sometimes you have to take the chance and reach out. As Nat said, if you receive only negative responses, you might have to look elsewhere for people to talk with .

I can relate to several things you are experiencing. I won't tell you my age, but will say I had 2 tbis before you were born! Due to them, I have cognitive problems , some similar to yours.

My first tbi was experimental brain surgery to get rid of seizures that I had had since age 9. I would have one, and would go to the nearest person and say "hold my hand- I'm scared I'm going to die". Needless to say, doing this at school ( holding hands with everyone) made me the "weird" one, and I didn't have many friends. By the time I was in college, I was able to simply say "I"m having a seizure; would you hold my hand until it passes?" But it was still embarrassing.
My seizures were from the right temporal lobe (you mentioned yours are in the left one). The doctors removed it, and I was seizure free until a car accident 4 years later that brought mild ones back. I don't hold anyone's hand now, and can talk through them, but I can't make decisions or do anything "important" on those days. Are your seizures anything like this?

I also have visual processing problems. I can't remember anything I read because I don't have any visual memory. ( I can't remember exactly what you posted, so have written notes to remind me- posting is all visual, and things "go in one eye and out the other). I have to be careful driving because my eyes and the dividing line on the street don't always line up. Thankfully I'm farsighted so I can read "change lanes" traffic signs from far away, so at least I know what lane to be in.
I also have trouble with spatial relations ( another visual process). This means I can't tell which pot to put my African Violet in ( it's potbound) - which pot is bigger , and if I choose this one, will it be Too big? I also bump into people at church or any crowded place because I don't realize how close I am to them. I also don't recognize faces, so I am meeting "new" people (I've actually known them for years, but can't remember their faces ) every day. My husband is at work, and if he shaves his beard off while he's there, I wouldn't recognize him until he spoke with his Maine accent.

I have other problems too, but have learned to live with them. It takes time to find ways to compensate for abilities you may have lost , but it is possible. I have a great team of doctors that always have suggestions for a strategy to help me in some area.
I'm sorry you're feeling so lost and alone right now. I hope coming here can help. There's always someone to talk to , and we Do know what you're going through. Come often and don't be afraid to tell us how you're feeling. Chances are we have been there ( or may be there now) . - Holly

Hi Suzy, and welcome to the group. You will find many here with whom you can relate. It's a great site, and we all can give a little knowledge, and we are happy to receive anything you may know that we do not.
My injury was from a car wreck. I was in a coma. Too much to tell, but I relate to you.

Take care!
SSE

Suzy,

I am also sorry to hear what you are going through. I went through the same thing in 1965, after my severe concussion. There are two or three aspects to this struggle with friends.

The one that is often overlooked is the change in personality. When you friends have to change how they relate to you, they often give up. Your friends were likely based on personalities that worked well together. This dynamic has changed.

Second is that they do not understand your struggles.It is tough enough to get family members to understand and accept your struggles and they have to live with you day in and day out.. Those friends from school have many other issues in their life that limit their time and energy to get to understand your struggles.

The third problem is more a generational thing. Your generation has been raised focusing on self. You get awards for just showing up. There are not many who have learned to persevere though the tough time. They see you tough times and selfishly say, 'That;s not for me.'

I categorize these people as acquaintances rather than friends. The true friends at least make an attempt to stay with you. This has no bearing on who you are and the value of your friendship. It says more about them.

I participate with another much larger TBI/PCS online support group (50 to 100 posts daily) where this has been identified as a chronic problem we must endure.

Those of us who have learned to move forward with our lives have found we need to reinvent ourselves and our social and relational groups. There is a huge number of people who live in a lifestyle like ours. They tend to often be the unpopular ones or even the shy or outcast. That girl sitting in the corner who struggles to connect with the regular kids much less the popular kids are worth getting to know. They often understand struggling in life.

It also is worthwhile to seek out and join any TBI Support Group in your area. The BIAA.org has links to state BIA's.

Hang in there. In time, you will start to see a new direction for your life. It will likely have much more depth and meaning.

My best to you.

Mark in Idaho

Hi Suzy,
The others have put things so well already. There can be a lot of "if only" things in life, like where you were standing the day it happened.
We all think of that. You have already gone through so much those friends havent had to, so they cant know or understand what life is like now. Or how much your life has changed. In some ways you will have grown up more and left them behind from this. But you still want the friendship. Value the ones who value you. And dont give up ever.

Aust you are so right! This post is not about me, but oh how correct you are in say...." In some ways you will have grown up more and left them behind from this. But you still want the friendship. Value the ones who value you."

This is so true!! The knowledge you have now Suzy will be way beyond others your age. I'm glad you have found this site!

Take care!
SSE

Thank you all so much for your input on my post! It is very VERY nice to finally see that I am not the only one feeling this way and dealing with these problems! It's so nice to finally talk to people who can relate with me! :)

I really am enjoying this website a lot so far! :)

Warmest regards,
-Suzy Hilton

Suzy
I am Wayne 51 just found these sight last week. I have been a tbi person due to brain damage due to illness at 4 weeks of age. My heart went out to you and would love to be a friend so could help you as i have been brain damaged sents 1 month old. I just last year Found a suport group for TBI People I want to give you a website so can hope find a suport group in your state and area. These website is www.bia.org it is for the USA brain Injury group. But when your on that sight they have a ton of stuff you can look at But one thing they have by states is a place you can look up in your states a suport groups for TBI people. They are cool. I onlty found them about a year ago and have been in Michigan going to there group but been disbaled sents 1 month old now 51. I also if your open if want help or to talk would be open to helping you so i also want to give you my name and email address. My name is Wayne Dingman My Email is wmd_dingman@aol.com I am from michigan. Good luck if want to now me feel free to write.
Wayne

As I posted earlier, the Brain Injury Association of America web site is www.BIAA.org. Wayne erroneously left of the second A resulting in a link to the Brick Industry Association web site.