I GUESS NO ONE CARES..............

SO SAD..........

i care

im really sorry about your husband . i cant relate but if you want to talk to me i'll listen

I am so sorry for your loss. I am currently sitting alongside my 14 month old daughter who was shaken by her caregivers and is now coming out of her coma - she is now left with TBI... My heart goes out to you.

I care and understand! I had a fall and somehow survived. Many people care but have never been blindsided like you...

I will certainly have you in my prayers tonight. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that knowing he is up in heaven is some sort of consolation to you. God Bless you

I am sorry for your loss. I have been away from the board for a while. In addition to my prior condition a drunk driver rear ended me and my passenger running about 90 mph, no exaggeration. I was running the speed limit in rush hour traffic and had no where to go, but I digress. I think many here read your post, and felt your pain, but can't find the right words for a situation like yours. Try to find comfort in family or friends because as you know you need it more than ever right now. You will be in my prayers, as will your family. I have a friend who lost his 2 year old daughter to an accident several years ago, and he said a bereaved parents support group really helped him and his family deal with the tragedy. I think the internet is wonderful and much knowledge can be gained here, but it is no substitute for a real group that meets and talks about these things. You learn so much just listening to others with similar problems. I really feel for you, and you are welcome here anytime with open arms, but this may not be the best place for you to get your specific questions answered. Daily Strength is a great forum, it has many subjects if you click on the "support groups" tab next to the home tab you may find one more closely relating to your needs. I found one for widows that might help you a lot. Here is the link, and God Bless You.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows-Widowers/support-group

At this moment it does not seem like it but time is a healer and if I can say from our experience some years on we are pleased that our father passed away after sustaining brain ijury. We only came to this conclusion though after our son sustained TBI and survived, we now know that the life Dad would have had after his accident would not have been enough for him so are able to take comfort in his passing. Death is often easier and I think takes our loved ones from us to spare them from a life that was not as they knew it. In every day look for one bright spot, it may be that someone smiled and said hello, or someone responded to you on Daily Strength. Look for the good and try to concentrate on this to help get you through. Try putting a cuddle cushion in your bed. They are a long rectangular cushion which you can cuddle in to. Mum found this comforting having scoffed at the idea initially. Hang in and do not refuse any offers you get no matter that you might not want to go. Too many refusals and people stop calling you need their friendship and support which will get you through. Chin up girl you can do it, there was life before you met your soulmate and there is life after.... you just have to be part of it and he will be there but you cannot feel that until you start living again. One step at a time girl, what is that step going to be today? Go do it.

I care. Pain is felt no matter who the person was. Sounds like you had a wonderful marriage. He will be waiting for you, when it is your time. My wife died, to me, when she gave up on me with my TBI. But I only mourn the time that I wasted with her. Remember all the good times that you shared.

i am so sorry for your loss....I've been caring for my husband for two years and dont know what I would do without him. People do not understand unless they have been in our situation.

I will pray for you...try to remember him as he was and as you both were together...soul mates.

Hi,

In a sense you're lucky, I'm 78 years old, and am still married, but **finally separated**!

My wife is a person, who, like my parents and sisters, victimized me. (You name the abuse ...)

Anyway, I have lived separately before, and I already have my own trailer, but I've been like a moth who is attracted to the flame.
On our 50th wedding anniversary, I took a tiny pinky ring which she had given me in college ... which she had worn all of her life. O.K., as I said, I really polished it up, and bought a gold chain, and told her that I was going to wear it around my neck from then on.

Her response was ... "So?"

Her sister told her, "If there's any better way for a husband to say "I love you", I don't know what it is. As a result, she sort of apologized, and that was that.

Recently I had a lot of balance problems, and I forgot doctor's appointments. So, I told myself (like a fool), I would have to move into the house so that she would take care of me. That has been the nightmare all of my life, that I would have to have her take care of me.

Well, we decided that she could sleep better if I had a separate room. So, she spent a lot of money buying an expensive spring and mattress, and I told her and my daughter, that my concern was unfounded.

But, the ncxt week she told me the wrong day and time for a doctor's appointment. She told me, "That's what you told me". I thought maybe I did make a mistake. **But** I have a favorite brand of cereal, and she knows it, and when I got ready for bed, and took the box, she had put some other granola in the box, which I can't eat, because of ...
I woke her up, and said, "I can't find my cereal. "It's on the top of the refrigerator". No, only the box, with some other junk in it. "Well, I don't know anythng about it, and be quiet, I want to go back to sleep."

I went back to the kitchen, and I called down the hall, "I'm going to drop each wrong cereal you have up there, one by one, until you tell me where it is". There were about 6 boxes of cereal which she tried to get me to eat, and I simply took them off the top of the refrigerator, and let them fall on the floor, one by one. "Do you remember what you did with my cereal yet?" Silence. O.K., here goes another box". Silence. I dropped all 6 of her boxes straight down on the floor, and they clunked, but she didn't know that I as intentionally dropping them so that they wouldn't spill.

"No more boxes ... a pause, "Well, I guess that I'll have to move the chair, and start dropping things from inside the pantry". She appeared, and reached under the table, and produced the box, without a word, and went back to bed.

I reslly asked her the next morning, "Why do you do that stuff all of the time?" "What stuff?" "Hide the cereal, and stuff." "I didn't hide it, I keep cereal down there all the time".

"Gee that's right, if you mean the ***cats*** cereal. (she has seven of them).
No answer. When I finished eating I just went and picked up my stuff, and left the house. Only **this time**, for the first time, I told myself ... Have you finally woken up, and realilzed that she's been pulling this stuff since our first date?"

I've talked to her on the phone once or twice, but I really feel differently this time, "I'm tired of being abused. People have been doing it to me all of my life."
Well, if I get enough sleep, and take my meds, I'm *not* ready to be "taken care of", and you'd damn well, better believe that!

For the first time in my life, I have finally decided that "I'm not going to take it anymore". I'd much rather not have anyone to talk to, or to cook dinner for me, than to put up with that kind of ~~~~ anymore.

I'm in a time of grief too. I loved my wife. I used to think that she loved me. But having finally recognized who she is, the kind of person she is, and that she's not ever going to change .... I don't have a wife anymore, (if I ever did)

BTW, I know the kind of grief you are feeling, and I don't mean to in any way say that it's not terrible. But, after living 78 years, being abused, and only now recognizing who/what my wife is, she is "Dead to me", because I'm not going to allow her to abuse me, just like my parents did. I'm having to learn of an entirely diferent way of thinking, and living, and sure it's "great" to finally "get free", I'm loved her for 56 years, and I miss her, even though I now know that she is very bad for me.

Right now, I'm not sure that I should post this, but I haven't had anyone to tell about how I'm grieving over a finally lost dream.

God

Barry
shalba1
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