Brain Injury Support Group
Traumatic brain injury occurs when a sudden trauma causes brain damage. TBI can result from a closed head injury or a penetrating head injury. Symptoms of a TBI can be mild, moderate, or severe, depending on the extent of the damage to the brain. Outcome can be anything from complete recovery to permanent disability or death. A coma can also affect a child's brain.
I'm trying to focus on the fact that he's home and mostly healthy (?) For Christmas, and trying not to even notice that the only present under the tree with my name on it, is one I bought for him, and changed the name on the card to myself. I know I shouldn't care, and I have so much else to celebrtae, and there are so many families without anything at this time. But what do you do? Buy things for yourself, and sign them from your spouse? I've never had to deal with this before? He's always been well enough to shop, but not possible this year? Not meaning to sound ungrateful, but I have no one else to ask? Red
It's another reminder to you of what you've lost. And it's ok to be sad about that.
I don't know if this will help...but...
Many spouses do end up buying for themself or buying a gift for both or for the family to share. Many times my husband has been working too many hours and has had no time to shop. Like this year. So he asked me to buy my own presents, which I did, indeed wrap. We laugh about it.
I.e. this morning as I opened the gifts from him and exclaimed, "HONEY! It's perfect! How did you know?" LOL
So my best advice to you is:
1. Grieve the loss
and then
2. Find a way to make something fun or funny for yourself.
And hugs to you!
Dram, If you had said to me what you said to Red, I either would have cried or throttled you. I don't know that every care giver sees their life through your glasses (" you get to have a life of compassionate devotion... It's up to you to appreciate it ") . My husband has been devoted to me, but I don't know if he felt compassion as he scoured out waste baskets this morning - something I never would have thought to do.
Sometimes I think the expression "Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt " shouldn't be used. Both care givers and tbi-ers have things in common, but we have different personalities and approaches to how we handle things. Both Nat and I have face blindness, but I"m willing to bet we deal with that differently and respond to situations depending on our personalities.
No two people are alike. Care givers are the strongest people I know. We tbi-ers can be difficult - just ask my husband. I"m glad you embrace care giving the way you do , but please realize that every situation is different , just as every person is. I don't consider Mark to be selfish because he takes two classes ( total 12 hours a week) and leaves me here alone. Rather, he needs the intellectual "stuff" that I can't give him.
Okay, that's enough of a rant. As my neurologist would say, I had an "emotional hijacking " . I read something that got my amygdala upset , so I reacted . I didn't mean to be confrontational , but I see things differently. God bless all of you who care for us .
I try to be grateful that my son is alive........even if he is not. I try to think what it must be like to live in his head. I know he is not happy with how his life is now, but I try to encourage him to move on. His life is forever changed and he is doing his best to really ruin what he does have. Drug use has come into play since tbi. His motive is to stop headaches and quiet his brain........not working tho. He finally after 4 years is going to been seen at a UC hospital neurology department. Keeping fingers crossed we finally get some answers and treatment that works.
Hang in there...there will be bumpy roads ahead but I think that after you going thru your grieving period life can be better. I guess the word for the day is "flexibility". I had to learn that right quick.
hugs..pam