Hi Kiki - Welcome.

There are people on this board who have suffered a severe TBI and been in a coma. I'm sure they will respond next time they check in here.

There are also quite a number of caregivers on here. So I think you'll find good support of people who've been where you currently are.

I like your attitude and am glad that you are there for your husband. I would say keep talking to him & being there for him.

I havent had to be in your situation myself. But can you squeeze his hand, caress his cheek, any old special touches you can keep doing there that may eventually get through to him. And talk to him, tell him about things you did together. My dear mum had a brain bleed and went into a coma and took the next stage we all will. But she was in a coma for several hours as I sat beside her doing those things, and 92 yrs old. No response. So out of couriosity, I said mum, if you can hear me, and if you can, move your thumb against my hand. She straight away held my whole hand until that time came. Have heard of others in comas when they come out can tell you they heard some things. There are things a bond between two people can do no Dr is able to. Hold on to him and stay positive, and have faith. Let us know how you both are please when you can.

hI, i'VE Had a severe head injury and I was in a coma for 2 weeks. tHIS WAS 3 AND A HALF years ago. I am doing amazingly well. I have problems yes but noone ever expected me to even wake from my coma. I can do most things. All my limbs work. My brain is a bit slow and I am partially blind in both eyes problems like that but I have a pretty normal life. I would not give up on him. i am no expert so can not tell you what is the right thing o do but if you are not ready to give up on him don't. You have to understand that if he does make a recovery and wake up he will never be the same again and nobody can tell what problems he will have. I had to relearn everything, walking sitting eating the works and it is possible. Nobody here can tell you if this will happen but as i said if you are not ready don't give up on him. Keep talking to him. We don't know if he can hear or udnerstand anything but maybe he can. You do hear of stories of people waking up from comas after a long time much longer than 2 months so its not so long. I really don't know what is the right thing but I would say if you are not ready don't give up on him but keep talking to him, play him him music things like taht try everything, does he have a favourite smell, you never know what could work. I really hope for the best for you and your husband. I hope one day too to find someone who loves me just as much as you obviously love your husband

When this all started for my husband the neurologist said he did not have much hope for Tom. The Dr. said he had very very little brain activity. Their suggestion was to DNR him, we were traumatized but my son and I did as told. Well a few days later we began to see responding from him. That dnr was off his wrist so fast....Together we have worked hard and he is doing pretty darn good. Though this is a hard and long battle and I don't really think anyone knows the answers... Everyone is so different and heals at their pace.. My prayers are with you!!!!!

Thank you all for your encouraging words and suggestions.

Since the beginning I've believed that Roger can hear me. As a matter of fact I have a blog that charts his progess for family and friends and in it I asked them that if they went to visit him they wouldn't talk around him as if he wasn't there because he is. I asked them to please not be afraid to hold his hand and tell him about anything positive (nothing negative, please). I've asked the nurses and the doctors to please not discuss his condition around him, that I would like to be the one to decide what I want him to know and how he hears it.

I read various things to him... The sports page, the comics, the Bible, all the cards that people send, all the things people write in the visitors book I have in his room. I've even been reading the book he was reading, having taken up where he left of.

I download his favorite songs on my MP3 and play those, as well as uplifting Christian music. I've also started downloading sermons by preachers I know he admires and plug those in his ears. :o)

When the Reds play, I put that on TV for him as well as old classic movies, which he loves.

As our children haven't been allowed where he is I record messages from them and play those for him.

I try to keep him current about our lives... Telling him the things that we do and that when we're doing them he's always with us.

I give him body massages and do range-of-motion exercises with him daily.

I stroke his face often. I also can't seem to stop kissing it.

It tell him I love him constantly. I tell him that the children and I are fine, that he was so wonderful to see that we were cared for financially in the event something like this happened. That we love him and miss him but that there's no hurry, we're going to wait for him to wake up no matter how long HE NEEDS for that to happen. I tell him not to be afraid...

I try to stimulate him in various ways. He breaths through a trach so I'm not sure if he can smell but I give that a shot anyway. I stick all kinds of scents under his nose: his favorite herbs like rosemary and basil, various aromatherapy oils, my perfume, his cologne, etc. When he's warm, I rub him down head to toe with cool cloths. When he's cold, I rub him with warm ones. I've thought about bringing his alarm clock in, setting it off, and telling him he's late for work but decided that would be cruel. I may yet resort to that though.

I got a book off of Amazon called, "Coma - A Healing Journey" by Amy Mindell. In it, she basically describes ways to get in tune with a comatose persons and how to establish ways to communicate with them. I just started reading it. He gets transfered to a nursing home on Friday and I'm hoping that environment will be more quiet and conducive to the process.

Roger was the sweetest man ever and always took wonderful care of us. Now it's our turn to take care of him.

Kiki

You are doing a great job! :) Never give up hope. Miracles are possible! You can never give up, or do like you said they told you to do with the feeding tube crap. That's cruel!! He may not be responding as fast as everyone would like, but he is in there, and he is human. Keep up the good work, and never give up that hope for a brighter day. It is sure to come eventually!

I cannot even imagine what you are going through. The first time I ever got on DS someone told me something that I've held on to for the last 2.5 years, "The doctors do not have the final say!" I do understand the battle somewhat. I know they say that when people are in a coma they can hear you... I would encourage you to talk to him just like normal..read to him, play music for him (if he likes music) you are doing good to treat him like he's really there because he is!!

My son was not in a coma but he was unconscious for 3 weeks. He has a TBI and we are nearing the one year anniversary of when I brought him home. It took him well over a year and 3 weeks of intensive therapy to get him to any condition where that was een possible... but I keep fighting. Send me the link to you blog please. I also have one where I blog about how I (try to) keep faith in the midst of the journey. I wish I had started it earlier! I also have a blog that is a devotional for caregivers...it is not easy - but don' t give up.

Two things - as long as there is breath - there is hope.
And rejoice in every single bit of progress no matter how small - and consider how far he's come not how far he has to go.

This is a great site with lots of encouraging people here - I can't fix your situation (but I wish I could) but I can be here to listen....

jeanie

You are doing an absolutely amazing job! Reading it made me cry. It made me remember clearly again all the things I did for my Danny while e recovered thru coma and after. You must go with your heart. As long as you feel hope, keep on sustaining him. I believe when you are this close to someone you will start to come to realization when the hope is near gone. Dont give up. Not yet. The drs cant make you give up...its your say!!!

You are doing exactly what you need to be. My husband was in a roll over about 12 yrs ago, and he was in a comma for about 2 mo. Drs kept telling me to prepare, and that I was going to be a single mom of two toddlers. I just refused to believe it, and would go everyday and talk to him. I also kept a journal, not that I thought he would one day read it, but for my own peice of mind. You have to stay strong and healthy in order to be the best support system for him.
All of the things that you mentioned, saying he will move a little if you touch him a certain way, my husband did NONE of that. In fact they did an EEG, twice, and it came back that there where no brain waves. Then one day when I was talking to him he squeezed my hand, it was the most awesome feeling. I too, sent him to a nursing facitity. It took 6 men to carry him in, and about two weeks later I walked in and he was walking down the hall (with assistance). They told me that it would take about 6 mo of comma stemulation therapy, and it didn't take but maybe half. Now, he was younger, just turned 30, and of course everyone is different. However, I will say this, just from personal experience and observation I firmly believe that the patients that have constant family support do much better than the ones that dont. People will tell you they can't hear, don't bother talking or turning on the tv, BULL. I would joke with him everyday when I walked in, that was just how we were, and whisper in his ear your wife wants a diamond. When we left that place for good, the first thing he said was he wanted to go to the mall and look at jewlery. He is doing great now, he is a machinist at Ford, so don't give up hope :)
I too, had a TBI a few yrs ago, not as bad, I was a pedestrian and hit by a jeep. I went through a lot of therapy, speech and so forth, but things are going good. Keep your chin up and good luck to you!

you are amazing and your husband is so lucky to have you keep up everything you are doing I know its is safe to say that you are in our thoughts and we all want the best for you. Be strong.

You guys are amazing in your support and ... comfort and encouragement and bravery in sharing your personal stories.

The docs have, as I think I mentioned, been nudging me toward hospice. In truth I'm meeting with them tomorrow ONLY because I want to be informed, not because I'm ready to go there.

A friend of mine's mother is a retired hospice nurse. She said that they aren't just about dying but about living and that they might be able to give me ideas on how to carry on under the circumstances.

I'm open to all things at this juncture.

Thanks again. It means a ton.

Kiki

Hospice is a good group of people. They may not prolong life, but they don't end it either. They are extremely supportive, and just do their best to keep their patients comfortable. It's something you should get some more info on. It never hurts to find out what all your options are. But, I think if you go with Hospice, it means you are not going to try to do anything to prolong his life, as far as therapy, and what not. Get all the info you can. Good luck!

I agree that Hospice is a wonderful thing. The love and support they give is amazing but with that said they will not promote treatment to prolong life ( such as a feeding tube ). No one can tell you what to do as this has to be you decision . Just be sure of your choice and have peace in knowing that you are doing what you know is best.
In my own situation.....I will tell you that my husband has a hypoxic brain injury post minor surgery. We are 11 months into therapy and he tells me daily." I heard you, and I understood everything you said , I just could not respond." ( This was while in his coma and the 6 months post coma that he was in decreased level of conscientious )......It is hard. He still never looks at me. He can not focus, has severe speech issues and many many issues from memory, swallowing, seeing, hearing ect. ......but every now and then he surprises me and I understand his speech as he reassures me that HE IS IN THERE. He did hear and understand me.
Try and be strong, we all know how very tough this is. Your husband may or may not come out of his coma. Only our good Lord knows this for sure but, find peace in knowing that he can hear you and feels every bit of the love you have for him.

Wow, I'm so touched by reading your story and I think you're doing a really wonderful job. I'm on this group because my dad has TBI from two different injuries and I help with his care, but his situation is not anywhere near as severe as your husband's, so I can't really give you anything to say from experience with that. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and let you know you are doing such a good job. I myself had a critical health problem a couple of years ago and came very, very close to dying, and I know that from that perspective, it was very important for me to know that someone cared whether I survived or not. Because literally from a physical perspective I should not have made it, and I felt myself that I was on the edge (sorry I don't really know how to describe it) but I found within the love from my family the reason to fight and live - I still believe that made all the difference, in conjuction with what the doctors did. I think you should keep doing the things you're doing, show him how much you love him, and it could give him a strength which you aren't even able to see right now.

Wow, I saw you mentioned the Reds earlier, and I can't believe - we were practically neighbors, I'm from Florence, KY. I wish I could come over to visit and talk and support you in person, but my dad just had his second TBI about 2 months ago in a car wreck and I had to suddenly move to Florida to help with him. I will be thinking of you and hope that things will improve for you both. Don't forget to take good care of yourself as well - as my doctor has had to remind me, we can't take care of everyone else if we don't take care of ourselves too.

Sarah

Such wonderful advice! I'm so thankful I came here. :o) My husband would be so happy to know that I'm receiving such care!

Sarah, wish like crazy you were still in Florence but I'm grateful for the contact from afar. :o)