madoak, I get what I call "delayed reactions" to upsetting events. I may say I am very angry/upset, but it takes me awhile to feel it. I have PTSD too from early in life and one of my early coping skills was to numb myself....I looked the same but was able somehow to stuff feelings so deep, I broke my arm and heard the wrist bone crack, so I know that must have hurt, I was only @8y/o.....anyway I instantly went numb and did not cry or make a peep until someone noticed my wrist bent...then I felt it. Even as an adult I found I could still self numb myself, but I don't know how much is BI and how much is ptsd...or if it's both?

I too have had PTSD from early on. However, this simply not being able to remember I think is the BI as didn't have this manifestation before. The slow processing is still very bad since accident. Lost something this morning and thought, 'okay, I'm not going to panic about this'. It took an hour of being very focused and trying to keep relaxed to come back to me. At times like that I do think I'll never be able to work again in anything like a busy environment. I'm just too unreliable. However, I am now doing some guided wildlife talks in the summer - still very exhausting and need to keep revising with flash cards in-between each session. (This was following 6 months of writing out facts and writing them again, over and over. t does give me a bit of contact with the outside world so I guess that's good but very stressful. My O.T. has finally signed me off so am feeling quite unsupported now. Her remit was to get me back to work and that was it. I think it's going to be a difficult winter.

Madoak,

I don't have PTSD but my therapist gave me great advice once about trying to figure oiut whether something is my bi-polar , TBI,? He said, We lump it all together as one big lump of shit. You'll never know and what's the difference? Your suffering ! So that's what I do. I hope it works for you because does it really matter which malady it is? At the end of the day, we feel the same.

About your remembering issue. It happens to me when I'm upset because ( I think ) when my head is clear to think and not bogged down with emotions, I can remember better. I forget the right words for feelings I have so cant discuss it.

Good luck............... Anita

Yes it really does matter to me so that I can try and claw back a little element of organisation into my life or at least understand myself. It's horrible to be upset and not remember why.

That makes sense. I need a home base of organization myself. I was really frustrated last night at my TBI group meeting and I couldn't put my finger on it. I kept wanting to interrupt people, thought their rambling was extra upsetting amnd I still have a hangover feeling of it today. Now I really get what you mean..............

Anita

Yes, it is important for me to know, if possible too. I have been triggered by PTSD twice over the last year, just as I was feeling a little better with the cognitive/momory stuff, so recognizing that it is a past trigger and working thru it is important for me to at least heal that and move past....but because of depression/numbness/fatigue....it has been a setback for sure!!

Keep at it Madoak, even a little each day....I could only do the children's brain games for 10 minutes a day at first before I had to stop and lie down exhausted, it was so frustrating, but I can only say now that I use a tablet, that those small increments of brain exercise over the course of a year did pay off, but it did not seem so at the time.

Anita, I have this theory that the more our brain heals, the more we do, like the volunteer work you do, more new things "pop up" to deal with...new brain connections, and having to deal with new and old feelings, for me anyway....so more adapting...I hear you both! Hugs