Brain Injury Support Group
Traumatic brain injury occurs when a sudden trauma causes brain damage. TBI can result from a closed head injury or a penetrating head injury. Symptoms of a TBI can be mild, moderate, or severe, depending on the extent of the damage to the brain. Outcome can be anything from complete recovery to permanent disability or death. A coma can also affect a child's brain.
2 months ago i suffered a traumatic brain injury that i almost died from.
i ended up taking myself by taxi to the emergency room. i was suffering from neuro shock/systemic disfunction and was vomiting and had terrible stomache pain after the injury.
i have terrible headpain and couldnt turn my neck for a month after the injury.
because any movement or lying on my pillow on the left side caused severe pain.
i started having sensitivity to sounds or vision and light.
even birds chirping outside my window caused sharp pain in my head and bothered me
when i got to the emergency room i was shaky and nervous looking because my nervous system was overworking to try to stay alive
and the doctor there was incompetent and told me i have a psychiatric issue and tried to have me sent to the psych ward because of a brain injury.
i ended up leaving the emergency room with no medical treatment or testing
and i ended up back in another er the next day
at that one they found out my ekg was bad and i had a sudden arrythmia that i never had before the injury
they offered to give me a cat scan but i was told by my doctors a few yrs ago to not get another cat scan ever again because i had many ct scans and ex rays and radiation exposure at a young age.
eventually within a week later i felt like i would fall down, i couldnt stand up anymore so i said thats it i took myself to a different er at a better hospital
over there they told me they think i have bleeding in the brain. so they wanted to do a spinal tap and ct scan.
i agreed to go for the ct scan but they told me that since its a week later the injury or bleeding might not show up on a cat scan a week later
i ended up not getting the spinal tap and signing a form against medical advice and they told me i could die from my injury
but i went home and saw a neurologist later that week
neurologist told me i had a brain stem injury
my basic functions didnt work well anymore. my personality was the same
but i had trouble swallowing food or drinking. and digesting any food i would vomit. i lost 15 pounds over the next few weeks
i could not go to sleep. sudden insomnia at one point i was up for 3 days and could not sleep at all
vision and hearing changes
changes in my heart rythm
shakyness and trouble speaking at times
i also was not going to the bathroom because i couldnt digest stuff so i did not have to use the bathroom much
but from the outside besides from a sudden severe nervousness they said i seem fine but no i was not fine if i couldnt eat, drink, sleep , hear and see normally
i know my legs were stiff for a few weeks and i had strange burning pain on my skin and i also couldnt feel pain in other areas
i stepped on a sharp nail in my bedroom by accident with my bare foot and i did not say ouch. it took me like over 10 seconds to process that i stepped on anything and to take my foot off
also i did not have any pain in my eyeballs
i read one thing they do to test people who have brain stem injuries who are in a coma is scratch their eyeball surface with some sandpaper thing to see if they feel pain or flinch. maybe not feeling pain on your eyeball then could mean brain stem dysfunction
and when i put my finger onto my eyeball or even fingernail it does not hurt and i know before my injury i would have squinted my eye and said ouch and had a reaction
but now its like the eye is not feeling pain
maybe damaged nerves?
i went for other tests like mri and eeg. eeg came out not normal it showed that i had brain injury and damage to atleast a couple areas of the brain
the mri showed nothing but i was told that an mri wont show anything unless its severely serious like tumor or anyurism or something that requires someone to be rushed to the icu or whatever
there are even articles that say comatose , vegetative and dead people have had completely normal mris sometimes
so it dosnt show everything
anyways so what am i supposed to do my doctors dont tell me what to do. im in terrible pain every day and im someone who never had a headache ever before the head injury
my vision is bad now i feel like im looking through a kaliedascope or fun house miror sort of, its distorted and sometimes i cant recognize things i see now
such as i notice myself misspelling words and spelling was my strongest subject my whole life
and like for example i was looking at a box of donuts but at first i thought i was looking at a box of ice cream bars for an hour i was convinced it was ice cream bars and i relooked at the thing and then it i realized it was donuts
i went to the eye doctor to have my eyes checked and they said the eye exam was normal and that its not my eyes causing the vision issues, he said its my brain
i still have problems with my basic functions i wonder every day for the last 2 months am i going to be able to eat normally today and be able to drink water. am i going to be able to doze off tonight, is my hearing going to be bad, what day will the vision improve,
the thing that worries me is i have had mild brain injury before but nothing as bad as this that effects basic functions
i had mild tbi from psychiatric medication when i was a teenager and i had mild tbi from a staph infection that went to my brain in a few yrs leading up to the injury so i heard repeated brain injury is worse each time
but the past issues were very mild compared to my moderate brain injury now. i dont know if its considered severe but it seems severe
i feel like im not out of the clear like i can die any day from this
i feel shaky and like my circulation is weird like theres numbness on the right side
i have pain shooting down my arms and legs and back, its weird
my hearing is not normal, sometimes when i try to speak now i cant hear myself speak.
or if i chew certain foods it will make my head pain worse and i feel something happening in my head like healing up
but who says it will heal up correctly?
and i was sent home and not told what to do. i dont live in a good situation. i live in a bad enviroment with my parents that is abusive.
when i got home from the emergency room my mother would verbally abuse and yell at me every day and tell me to die. my older sister lives here with her young children and they scream every day. the youngest who is in preschool only goes to school part time and she is home throwing tantrums and screaming with high pitched screams all day
i had to keep asking her to be quiet because it causes severe head pain if i hear those kids scream
so my brain has not been able to rest with me being sent home to an abusive household where there is a loud tv on here all day, they play loud music here on the stereo and the kids run around screaming most of the day and weekend
i feel like its no place to recover from my brain injury and probably made things worse and my stress more high
i need a quiet and dim lighted place to recover not somewhere that im yelled at all day and hear kids fighting all day
i also notice my symptoms are less if it is colder weather and raining.
i have no idea why the rainy weather makes my head pain less since the injury?
but it got more humid and hott here since last week and its driving me crazy. the hott and sunny weather is making my symptoms 10 times worse even if i stay indoors
something about the heating is affection my brain and doing something
i feel lost, im not in any medical treatment. pain killers made my symptoms worse maybe because my brain cant metaboloze things so well now so pain killers and medication give it extra things to process
i notice if i eat dairy products my symptoms get worse maybe because of the hormones that are added to milk
and i have no where to recover . i need a quiet place and i dont have that im sent home to recover in a hell hole with 3 kids under age 7 running around screaming and fighting with eachother half the day and i get yelled at by my parents, my mother curses me out and does not care
i obviousely cant work right now since the head injury but before that i was battling a terrible staph infection so i couldnt work either then
i have no friends because i was isolated and not well from the staph infection for 5 yrs
im being bullied not only by family members but by other aquiantances
for example this whole brain injury thing happened because of a result of physical violence against me by someone who was harrasing me for a few yrs and then made death threats and had me injured
and first my priority is to take care of my health and stay alive
even if im in horrible pain and not functioning neruologically
but my 2nd thing is i tried telling police that im a victim of assault and battery and that this was done to me by someone crazy who had said they want to kill me before, and i am having a hard time getting anyone to listen to me
because of my brain injury it affects my communication verbally and makes me look nervous and it lowered my social skills so i cant convince anyone in person what happened to me because they dont take me seriousely due to my injury
so i went alone , it took me a while i dont know if theres a statute of limitations. and me alone with lowered social skills appearing nervous trying to tell police i was abused and injured had not helped because they told me to go home and didnt want to help
so this guy is out there and still wants to kill me i think and he is not in jail where he should be for causing me a brain injury
my parents have medical bills to pay for me and they dont want to get this guy arrested so that he could pay the bills.
so here i am sitting here at my parents house with crazy family members who dont care about me. and im scared about my symptoms, im wondering if im going to recover i am only 30 yrs old. i dont want to spend the next 60 yrs of my life with these symptoms or be dead
and im wondering if my attempted murderer is going to come back and hurt me again and when and am i safe, is he going to return to try to kill me and finish me off
so i dont know where to go. i tried to get myself into a domestic violence shelter but they said since i have no kids that there is a long waiting list and that they do not have room for me.and a few weeks after they had no room still
i ended up at one point at a regular plain homeless shelter and i was too weak to walk across the warehouse floor there so they sent me back to the hospital
im not sure being in a homeless shelter with a serious brain injury is the place to be
but i dont feel safe at my parents home here
so its too much to deal with
i ended up taking myself by taxi to the emergency room. i was suffering from neuro shock/systemic disfunction and was vomiting and had terrible stomache pain after the injury.
i have terrible headpain and couldnt turn my neck for a month after the injury.
because any movement or lying on my pillow on the left side caused severe pain.
i started having sensitivity to sounds or vision and light.
even birds chirping outside my window caused sharp pain in my head and bothered me
when i got to the emergency room i was shaky and nervous looking because my nervous system was overworking to try to stay alive
and the doctor there was incompetent and told me i have a psychiatric issue and tried to have me sent to the psych ward because of a brain injury.
i ended up leaving the emergency room with no medical treatment or testing
and i ended up back in another er the next day
at that one they found out my ekg was bad and i had a sudden arrythmia that i never had before the injury
they offered to give me a cat scan but i was told by my doctors a few yrs ago to not get another cat scan ever again because i had many ct scans and ex rays and radiation exposure at a young age.
eventually within a week later i felt like i would fall down, i couldnt stand up anymore so i said thats it i took myself to a different er at a better hospital
over there they told me they think i have bleeding in the brain. so they wanted to do a spinal tap and ct scan.
i agreed to go for the ct scan but they told me that since its a week later the injury or bleeding might not show up on a cat scan a week later
i ended up not getting the spinal tap and signing a form against medical advice and they told me i could die from my injury
but i went home and saw a neurologist later that week
neurologist told me i had a brain stem injury
my basic functions didnt work well anymore. my personality was the same
but i had trouble swallowing food or drinking. and digesting any food i would vomit. i lost 15 pounds over the next few weeks
i could not go to sleep. sudden insomnia at one point i was up for 3 days and could not sleep at all
vision and hearing changes
changes in my heart rythm
shakyness and trouble speaking at times
i also was not going to the bathroom because i couldnt digest stuff so i did not have to use the bathroom much
but from the outside besides from a sudden severe nervousness they said i seem fine but no i was not fine if i couldnt eat, drink, sleep , hear and see normally
i know my legs were stiff for a few weeks and i had strange burning pain on my skin and i also couldnt feel pain in other areas
i stepped on a sharp nail in my bedroom by accident with my bare foot and i did not say ouch. it took me like over 10 seconds to process that i stepped on anything and to take my foot off
also i did not have any pain in my eyeballs
i read one thing they do to test people who have brain stem injuries who are in a coma is scratch their eyeball surface with some sandpaper thing to see if they feel pain or flinch. maybe not feeling pain on your eyeball then could mean brain stem dysfunction
and when i put my finger onto my eyeball or even fingernail it does not hurt and i know before my injury i would have squinted my eye and said ouch and had a reaction
but now its like the eye is not feeling pain
maybe damaged nerves?
i went for other tests like mri and eeg. eeg came out not normal it showed that i had brain injury and damage to atleast a couple areas of the brain
the mri showed nothing but i was told that an mri wont show anything unless its severely serious like tumor or anyurism or something that requires someone to be rushed to the icu or whatever
there are even articles that say comatose , vegetative and dead people have had completely normal mris sometimes
so it dosnt show everything
anyways so what am i supposed to do my doctors dont tell me what to do. im in terrible pain every day and im someone who never had a headache ever before the head injury
my vision is bad now i feel like im looking through a kaliedascope or fun house miror sort of, its distorted and sometimes i cant recognize things i see now
such as i notice myself misspelling words and spelling was my strongest subject my whole life
and like for example i was looking at a box of donuts but at first i thought i was looking at a box of ice cream bars for an hour i was convinced it was ice cream bars and i relooked at the thing and then it i realized it was donuts
i went to the eye doctor to have my eyes checked and they said the eye exam was normal and that its not my eyes causing the vision issues, he said its my brain
i still have problems with my basic functions i wonder every day for the last 2 months am i going to be able to eat normally today and be able to drink water. am i going to be able to doze off tonight, is my hearing going to be bad, what day will the vision improve,
the thing that worries me is i have had mild brain injury before but nothing as bad as this that effects basic functions
i had mild tbi from psychiatric medication when i was a teenager and i had mild tbi from a staph infection that went to my brain in a few yrs leading up to the injury so i heard repeated brain injury is worse each time
but the past issues were very mild compared to my moderate brain injury now. i dont know if its considered severe but it seems severe
i feel like im not out of the clear like i can die any day from this
i feel shaky and like my circulation is weird like theres numbness on the right side
i have pain shooting down my arms and legs and back, its weird
my hearing is not normal, sometimes when i try to speak now i cant hear myself speak.
or if i chew certain foods it will make my head pain worse and i feel something happening in my head like healing up
but who says it will heal up correctly?
and i was sent home and not told what to do. i dont live in a good situation. i live in a bad enviroment with my parents that is abusive.
when i got home from the emergency room my mother would verbally abuse and yell at me every day and tell me to die. my older sister lives here with her young children and they scream every day. the youngest who is in preschool only goes to school part time and she is home throwing tantrums and screaming with high pitched screams all day
i had to keep asking her to be quiet because it causes severe head pain if i hear those kids scream
so my brain has not been able to rest with me being sent home to an abusive household where there is a loud tv on here all day, they play loud music here on the stereo and the kids run around screaming most of the day and weekend
i feel like its no place to recover from my brain injury and probably made things worse and my stress more high
i need a quiet and dim lighted place to recover not somewhere that im yelled at all day and hear kids fighting all day
i also notice my symptoms are less if it is colder weather and raining.
i have no idea why the rainy weather makes my head pain less since the injury?
but it got more humid and hott here since last week and its driving me crazy. the hott and sunny weather is making my symptoms 10 times worse even if i stay indoors
something about the heating is affection my brain and doing something
i feel lost, im not in any medical treatment. pain killers made my symptoms worse maybe because my brain cant metaboloze things so well now so pain killers and medication give it extra things to process
i notice if i eat dairy products my symptoms get worse maybe because of the hormones that are added to milk
and i have no where to recover . i need a quiet place and i dont have that im sent home to recover in a hell hole with 3 kids under age 7 running around screaming and fighting with eachother half the day and i get yelled at by my parents, my mother curses me out and does not care
i obviousely cant work right now since the head injury but before that i was battling a terrible staph infection so i couldnt work either then
i have no friends because i was isolated and not well from the staph infection for 5 yrs
im being bullied not only by family members but by other aquiantances
for example this whole brain injury thing happened because of a result of physical violence against me by someone who was harrasing me for a few yrs and then made death threats and had me injured
and first my priority is to take care of my health and stay alive
even if im in horrible pain and not functioning neruologically
but my 2nd thing is i tried telling police that im a victim of assault and battery and that this was done to me by someone crazy who had said they want to kill me before, and i am having a hard time getting anyone to listen to me
because of my brain injury it affects my communication verbally and makes me look nervous and it lowered my social skills so i cant convince anyone in person what happened to me because they dont take me seriousely due to my injury
so i went alone , it took me a while i dont know if theres a statute of limitations. and me alone with lowered social skills appearing nervous trying to tell police i was abused and injured had not helped because they told me to go home and didnt want to help
so this guy is out there and still wants to kill me i think and he is not in jail where he should be for causing me a brain injury
my parents have medical bills to pay for me and they dont want to get this guy arrested so that he could pay the bills.
so here i am sitting here at my parents house with crazy family members who dont care about me. and im scared about my symptoms, im wondering if im going to recover i am only 30 yrs old. i dont want to spend the next 60 yrs of my life with these symptoms or be dead
and im wondering if my attempted murderer is going to come back and hurt me again and when and am i safe, is he going to return to try to kill me and finish me off
so i dont know where to go. i tried to get myself into a domestic violence shelter but they said since i have no kids that there is a long waiting list and that they do not have room for me.and a few weeks after they had no room still
i ended up at one point at a regular plain homeless shelter and i was too weak to walk across the warehouse floor there so they sent me back to the hospital
im not sure being in a homeless shelter with a serious brain injury is the place to be
but i dont feel safe at my parents home here
so its too much to deal with
First...basic stuff...do you have cotton/any kind of earplugs, that would help reduce the noise? Sunglasses...I use mine inside alot in a dim lit room. Heat/humidity makes me worse too.
Is there a domestic violence hotline that could give you guidance? Social Services...do they have advocates that could help you see what aid/servces you qualify for/SSI with your medical records and abusive living situation/medicaid depending on the state you live in. Also the Brain Injury Association.
Do you have a notebook of somekind to write things down in, because it's so hard to remember details/you are so right you need a quiet place, because the brain needs time to heal/vision uses alot of brain energy.
I know you don't feel safe at home...if you could get income from SSI, you could qualify for HUD housing, and that would be so much better, but it is overwhelming....I've been there....I'm in the NE and had help from a woman's organization/if you are able to call churches in your area, maybe someone would offer help. I cried and prayed...I still don't know how I made it, but you have us here now, so you have Hope!! I feel so very bad for your situation...you did go to the police and report the attack, even tho they would not do anything, that person maybe hiding now...you have medical records to prove what they did.
As for your family/TBI can be invisible/plus staff infection/really hard/the verbal abuse...they need to lay off that crap!! I hear your symptoms...if you read thru posts here, you will see many people with the same kinds of symptoms, at different stages of healing.
Keep yourself as safe as you can..bring water/food in your room/ice cubes/rest as much as possible. Deep breathing to try and calm your brain/nervous system/one day at a time....I wish there was more I could do to help you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep coming here/vent....we care and want to help....I'm just so sorry for what happened to you!!
the most important part of my brain that controls automatic functions that you need to survive was damaged. so my heart function, breathing,eating, drinking, metabolising things, seeing and hearing was damaged
also my ability to sleep was damaged. the part of my brain responsible for the sleep cycle is not normal. I do not feel tired ever in the last 2 months!!! its so scary feeling
and i am sleeping like 5 hours a night and wake up and cant go back to sleep
the part of my brain that tells me to feel tired and fall alseep is damaged.
i used to have no sleeping problem
my breathing patterns seems different. it seems like stuff was almost like paralized. i felt a stiffness in my head and intestines like my intestines were not moving or processing food.
i have to force myself to eat and drink
my heart rythy and breathing rhythim seem different like i cant take a deep breath or something its weird
its hard to describe my symptoms. but i know stuff is different. i couldnt turn my neck for a month. i ave a sharp pain if i hear noise sometimes. i dont know why my vision is off
maybe something in the brain healed wrong?
but im not me anymore
as for people not listening to me thankfully i was very smart and articulate before the injury so i had a strong intelligent mind to begin with
i am only 30 yrs old so im supposed to have an intellgent mind. actually most of your brain activity happens at about age 27 so im only a few years away
but i did hear that people younger than me have an easier time recovering from brain trauama because their mind is still growing and once it is completely grown at around my age its more difficult
i am a right brained person and that side of my brain is the area that got injured along with the midbrain/brain stem. so maybe thats why its worse if the stronger part of your brain becomes weak or injured. the other side cant compensate much
also thats why im good with writing and language.
i have trouble focusing on things especially moving things like a tv show or movie
also when i look up at the sun it does not hurt my eyes and my eyes dont water up or squint. why is that? before my injury even if i glaced at the sun for 2 seconds it would burn my eyes and i would squint and turn away
what is the reason?
like i cant feel pain or something which is weird because i have a pain condition called fibrolyalgia since 2006 from a back injury. but i still have the back pain
i have been through too much
about me not being able to communicate with people in person or get my point across that has always been an issue for me but more so now.
i have difficulty with eye contact and trouble speaking up verbally and being confident. i might have some mild form of aspergers. i was once diagnosed with aspergers in the past but i wasnt sure if i had it but i have impairment of in person social skills so people sometimes dont listen to me or i dont get a point across
when i went alone to the police they refused to file a report. i asked them 3 times and they said no that they cannot file a report. so maybe they misunderstood me or i was quiet and not spoken up because sometimes i get nervous and dont explain thing apropriately
so either the police didnt understand me when i spoke or they dont care and didnt do their job
the guy who did this to me might not get arrested because of the connections he has and im sure he is not hiding and he thinks he will get away with this because of his title of what job he has/who he is. so i dont know if he will ever be locked away.
and the way i was injured was made to look like an accident even tho i know deep down in my heart and instinct that it was NO ACCIDENT.
and my doctors have records and know i was injured
and in the weeks and months up until the inury i was cyberstalked by this guy and he made a few death threats.
its alot to deal with. but maybe because the situation is extremely complicated and because the person who did this to me is a well known person with a public image that might be why they didnt want to help or file a report. it might be gang related or something but i feel i was unfairly picked on and stalked because of other disabilities i was going through the asperger/sociAL issue and staph infection
the staph infection caused me to be confused for a long time and not able to defend myself.
so i cant imagine trying to explain the whole situation to someone because im sure they will be confused and just think its strange
but i should be conserned about me recovering.
yes i communicate much better and clear over the internet and typing but in person face to face communication im terrible and i sometimes come off as schitzophrenic. i do not like eye contact so i cant make eye contact which is one reason no one ever believes me when i try to explain things
because for some reason society says when someone makes eye contact it means they are telling the truth wich sounds like baloney to me.
i also have trouble taking care of myself. i dont have acess to laundry facilities or everything that i need. i cant use the laundry here
so i come offf as disheveled and cant put an oufit together so i cant look presentable right now. so people just think im crazy or lying especially police
but my doctors know whats going on. most of them understand whats going on
but i am much better at writing and typing to people.
i tried calling the fbi and they told me it is the job of the police to help me and if police need their help they will call
but i cant even get police to listen to me because they think im an attention seeking liar trying to get one of my friends in trouble
also one thing is i showed a threatening photo that the guy sent me and its a pic of a celebrity and the officer recognized a celebrity and because of conflinct of interest i think, she told me emediately then that is the reason she cant make a report. because she thought since i mentioned a celebrity that im just looking for attention
even tho no that is not the case
maybe i should change the story and pretend i dont know who the guy is and dont tell anyone who it is that its a famous person and let them find out on their own who the mystery guy is thats been terrorizing me. maybe i need a new approach
i really should have a lawyer to help me but i dont know what kind of lawyer and i dont have money for one and i shouldnt be focusing on this while im trying to deal with my medical issues and injury
i remember exactly how i was injured and where i was at the time. and it is impossible that it was any sort of accident and it happened a week after my stalkers birthday. he made comments about killing that day and i was contacted by someone hours before i was injured with someone telling me how i would be injured
and some strange people were contacting me telling me i did something wrong and it is payback time and things like that
but i wasnt able to save those exact messages but i had people contacting me on the internet taunting me about the injury the next day. when i didnt tell anyone online then that i got injured
he had some of his friends contact me and threaten and bully me
i got a poem sent to me about death a few weeks after i was injured by one of his screen names talking about a funeral
its really bad
yes exactly people like that plan things so that theres no other witnesses and hidden or no evidence of what happened. so that its your word and life experience against their word even tho you know what happened.
my stalker is a multi millionare with alot of big connections through the us and world so he has the money to have me stalked which is what he did. he got so obsessed and vengeful over me that he paid ALOT of money maybe a million atleast to have me stalked over time of 4 yrs and then have me injured with expensive weapons.
by expensive weapons i mean misuse of military equipment that can injure people with no metal bullet left behind but it can injure or kill people. depending on the exposure and dose. he can big connections to top people within the military, i dont know exactly which department but he paid other people to stalk/spy on me and injure me .
he said he even used infrared technology to see into my home and has described how the inside of my home looks and what i was wearing that day etc. so i know ive been watched
he lives in another state but he hires people with military experience to stalk me. he had 2 strange men approach me at my parents house when i was alone outside in the dark. they looked like white supremicists
and the guy claims hes a satan worshipper and the date that i got injured in the night time was the same date that they do alot of devil worship rituals and satanic sacrifices. i didnt realize that until weeks later when i looked up the importance of the date i was harmed
and i know psychopaths like to do things on certain dates and times and use symbols and cryptic things
he even taunted me about the police station. back in february he asked me if i went to a certain tire store then he sent me a pic of him standing infront of a certain tire store in his state and i didnt know what that meant. i was like why is he outing himself as my stalker?
when i went to the police station in my area a few weeks ago, from the front door of the police station if you look in a certain direction is a large visible billboard type of sign for the same tire store chain right there at the police station
so the guy knew i would go to police after injured and taunted me about it
so even tho he lives many states away from me he knew where my police station was
psychopaths dont fear authority or the law
so its like a serial killer that im harrased by because the things he says sounds like a serial killer, the cryptic things and taunting
he sent me a photo of himself standing infront of dead animals
he writes weird poetry about me all the time and accused me of things i didnt do
so he is delusional and he keeps sending me instant messages on my instant messenger account, he broke into my facebook
hes a menace to society, he wrote a poem about injuring me but its so vague that other people might not make the connection to what they wrote or they will just think its random
i think he lied about me to other people to get people to do things to me and get them angry at me. because alot of people who claimed they are his friends contacted me telling me im gonna pay for what i did to their friend etc. his family members were sending me messages threatening me under anonymous names
since it is invisible type of military weapons. you can only detect them with certain electronic devices. then he can basically kill anyone at any time or at certain levels it can injure and not kill or target specific areas of the body to burn.it can even go trough you and burn/damage certain organs. i had burns on my skin. i sleep next to a window like right at the window so anything can be directed into the window at me.
a few days before the injury i woke up with a tatoo on my skin that was not there before. it took 2 months to stop bleeding and heal
it was a lazer type of burn of a triangle shaped etched into my skin surface right below my shoulder. the skin surface was like carefully burned into a shape
. i do have a patio/deck outside my bedroom window so maybe someone was up there and stood outside the window
my hair has been falling out over the past year and he mentioned sending radiation into my home. and i have a family member who lives in the home that has developed cancer cells recently which was removed by a doctor so they are ok now. and its a young person so i think my family member got that from exposure to the radiation sent to the house from the military equipment
i know its easy for any military member or a higher up one to get a hold of a weapon and misuse the military equipment and injure people
i dont know the exact method/equipment they used but i know what happened to me and no one has to be in the room with you to have you injured by these things
i still have burns on my face that have faded and are less visible but the skin turns red and my scalp was red for many weeks
it first looked like a bad sunburn/sandpaper but now not as much
im also worried because i was inured by some type of radiation equipment at my head
and a week after i went to get a ct scan of my head so that is more radiation
and i know i have had other ct scans before years ago and alot of ex rays and other tests that use alot of radiation.
i dont know if that is bad but these dumb injuries put me into dumb situations
i dont even know what to tell my doctors. i feel like im going to die on most days , i am just not myself and have many symptoms and headache and vision issues. even one of my eyes looks slightly cross eyed now. i took some photos and computer video of me and my eye movement looks strange like one eye moves and the other seems sort of stuck
my nervous system is going crazy
i dont know what to tell my doctors i thought they wouldnt believe i was inured so i thought fast and decided to tell them i fell and hit my head just so they can atleast send me for tests.
but no i didnt fall or hit my head.i just dont know what to say to doctors
i feel strange telling them i was almost killed by a stalker who was not there in the room but used military invisible weapons on me. it dosnt sound like something i want to try to explain to people. i dont want them thinking im a liar
i know when i called the fbi to complain they definately knew what i was talking about because im not the first person this was done to they get alot of complaints about this
but they said the police are the ones to talk to
the only thing i know is they used some type of heat burning device on me because my face was burning hot to the touch after the event happened. and my nose and mouth became suddenly dry and crispy and i had some blood coming out of my nose after and i felt some strange type of electricity going through me.
i was electricuted once as a child by some wires in the house and it felt like what happened to me then. so i know there was some kind of electricity involved
but i researched it online and what came up is microwave weapons so most likely it was some kind of radiation and they can target pinpoint specific areas of your body with from far away
they can aim the beam from maybe miles away i think? not sure, at lets say your pinky toe nail and burn the nail off. but you need to be sitting or lying completely still for it to happen so they wait until then
and i know it can get through your head and burn and damage specific parts of the brain. and what is strange is when i had an mra done after it showed that i am now missing some arteries in my brain in the same exact area where my inury/head pain happened. so im wondering if they could have lazer burned off the arteries. but it says a small percent of the population is born without those arteries so i dont know
i know when i got injured i was lying completely still in bed
and at first when i was at the hospital i thought i had radiation poisoning because i was vomiting, severe stomache pain something felt not right.
im not sure i really want to explain this because it sounds strange to people who dont know about these things. but the people who inured me know what was done to me
and what is very sad is i cant even explain this without feeling crazy i feel like a complete idiot trying to explain to people how i was injured. id rather just make things sound simple and tell people i hit my head
i also am wondering if hyperbaric therapy might help me because the inury is also a burn inury to my brain, my brain was cut into burned. nuked whatever, certain nerves were damaged, cut i think
and i feel like there is not enough circulation or brain activity on the right side of my head which is the side of my head i was hit with by the weapon
maybe there is burned and damaged tissue in the brain so it cant heal normally?
i dont even know what to say to people.
it kind of felt like i was hit in the right ear with a stun gun or something because there was some type of electricity/energy frequency sent into the ear into my head
and i had some kind of convulsions after that i felt the electricity/energy go through my hear into my brain and cause a sharp pain on the right side and then through my arms and stomache and legs out my feet but it started in my ear which is next to the window
i know that the stalker guy likes to call me a cow. he uses that name to describe me when he contacted me. and i am missing cow on the mra scan )circle of willis)
and i looked up online that they stun cows to their head and brain before killing them
so who knows if that is an idea what he did. i try to analize things sometimes
because i gained weight from the staph infection from being very sick from that, so the guy was typing to me calling me names and one of them was cow
i dont know if he has killed people before but the person is like a serial killer, he says things only a serial killer or psychopath would say
what kind of a lawyer should i speak to. i know if i try to explain what happened ill sound crazy or like some ptsd person.
i dont know how to protect myself. or how to get a restraining order if he dosnt live in my state and cyber stalks me and pays people to stalk me for him and pays people to inure me. i think he might have hired a hit man and is waiting for the right time to kill me and just injure me first to torture me first
i know he is hiring some people and those people have military/government connections . so they can harm and kill me if they want
and it dosnt matter where i go because he found out every peice of information on me. every peice of useless information
he would type to me personal details about my family that people dont know things you would only find on a government record.and he knew my medical records too. i got home from the hospital one time 2 yrs ago and he texted me the next day asking me how the ambulance ride was and that he knew i was in the hospital. so its like he has a real time feed of everything that goes on with my social security number but that makes sense since he said he has government connections
i got emails from someone about 2 weeks ago where they typed other personal things about me to me mocking me but they had to have hacked my computer and known personal details on me to know those things.
because my parents told the court psychologist that im schitzophrenic and aspergers and i was stressed out at the time and i didnt give a good impression to the psychologist during the half hour he intwerviewed me so he wrote that im seriousely mentally ill and thats in court records even tho i dont agree with what they said
the only time i ever started to experience any mental issues was about 2 yrs after that when i got the staph infection and it causes me some confusion and psychological symptoms but that went away when my infection went away.well i get personally i know i was mentally impaired during the time i had the infection but its infection related and not mental illness.
which is why it made it so easy for these predators to get to me and trick me for such a long time. for a while i felt these people were my friends because my family didnt care about me and i felt alone. so i figured people on the internet were harmless i was so gullible and just confused every other day
and they blame me for things when i couldnt have known anything so i dont think i did anything wrong while i had the infection and confusion
so yes im 30 now but my whole history of documented court and psychiatric records say that i have psychiatric issues. so its like under that case no one will believe me
and now i have to explain this crazy story about how i ran into a famous celebrity from a famous music band who has been on mtv and top award shows and plays shows around the world. and how he became obsessed with me and stalked me and had his friend or connection in the military dig up information on me and chat to me online and come to my home and put cameras and use military equipment to spy on me and shoot me with an invisible undetectable weapon that caused me a serious injury.
it just sounds to crazy and that combined with my whole mental history that says im schitzophrenic will just make me look like im imagining it and crazy. so i do not know if they will ever listen to me
what if they say im making it up and alot of people deny this military technology exists. they dont want to get in trouble and the people who did it dont want to get in trouble. and i know there are alot of cover ups within the usa government and military, even if there is a military person abusing their power and sneaking weapons to inure their enemy.
it reminded me of that guy in california who shot some college students last week because alot of things that that crazy boy said on his videos are the same exact type of things the guy on the internet said
like if i cant have you ill destroy you and you hurt me and dont deserve to live if you ruined my life
and other things he said he can only be happy if he kills me
i dont know if a cell phone tower was used to send some radiation beam to me to inure me or if it was a gun in a van parked outside my house at night when this happened,. or if someone climbed up onto the deck and shot me with a handheld home made weapon or if it was a military drone
the internet says the guy owns atleast 40 million dollars net worth maybe more so im sure if his wholfe life is ruined supposedly because of his obsession for me he will spend millions of dollars to fly the drone to get me killed. he can use any expensive weapon. ifg these crAZY people get desperate
he is too chicken to confront me himself i think because of the public reputation which is why he wont be clear and will only contact me online under anonymous names
he hires other people to do things for him
i went 3 times to the police about this guy and i dont care if he is famous or how many fans he has or what talk shows he has been on. he should not be injuring people
i showed the instant messages from the guy to the police but they said most of those messages were from more than a year ago so they said they dont care about it if its not recent. but i was trying to show them that its been going on for 4 yrs
then i showed them the death threat from february and they told me its probably a joke because he contacted me in a chat room
i did not save most of the death threats and threatening things from recently which is why most of what i brought with me was from the past few yrs
i didnt know how to save things on the new laptop and chat so i didnt save most of it
but i remember word for word what the guy said they can give me a lie detector test and ill repeat back what the guy said and maybe the chat server company has a log of the chats from my ip
i showed the photo that the guy posted on his public instagram account and how it matches the same exact thing the stalker guy typed to me a few days before that to me in the chat room
and as soon as the police officer saw the photo she recognized the celebrity in the photo and handed it back to me and then said she cannot take a report. because she didnt want to make a police report against a celebrity but after that she discredited me and didnt want to find out who the guy is anyways. i think the police think im trying to get famous and make up a fake story against a famous person.
which some people do to get on tv they will lie about a celebrity but thats not the case in my case
i dont care who it is but im angry and want them to atleast find the person doing this and arrest whoever it is, weather it is that person or someone else. but i feel like i have enough proof to say it is who i say it is
so now my local police station thinks im making a hoax and trying to get a celebrity in trouble but no that is not it
im actually nervous about reporting who did this because they are famous because that wont be the best thing for me because im a quiet person but i still want to be safe and have justice
i feel like i should first make a strategy after talking to a good lawyer. and then make a case for the police because once i said to them a celebrity is bothering me thats it she tore up the police report and didnt let me sign the report
the police are not the brightest people how they think because someone has a public image or is a star it means they can go and commit crimes against people. if i cant go AND steal someones care or shoot someone for example why should a stupid singer in a band be able to?
when i went back to the police they told me i dont have enough evidence and they didnt care about the printed out text messages i showed them.
then they started giving me trouble asking me for a photo id to prove who i am. even tho the first time they almost filled out a report and didnt ask for any id
thats why im thinking they think im making a joke and a hoax
he is also a married man with small children who is obsessed with me and dangerous so i dont know how the media will portray that. and ive never been attracted to men before. but he told people i led him on and told me that he wants to marry me and have kids with me and leave his wife
he told people i did a game against him which is gaslighting.
so i dont know how the media will see that as some scandal because he is married
but he is only pretending to be in love with me because of something he is angry at from when i was 22. he did this whole game
and everything he did to me he turns around and says i did to him but im not a sicko like that
his wife is mentally ill so he tells her that im trying to steal him away to get her to go crazy at me
she was definately involved in trying to kill me. i think its the both of them like a sicko couple
he said he can only be happy if he gets me killed
i didnt save that sentence that he typed
i also know theres rumors that he does drugs like cocaine but the band he is in has a good reputation that i think most people wouldnt believe me
and i dont know if i have as much proof as i need. i need to speak to a lawyer first to make a plan
maybe a forensic detective or somerhing because he talks to me like how a serial killer does
alot of stuff the guy in california said before shooting those college kids 2 weeks ago are exactly the same sentences that my stalker typed to me its like they are the same person and that guy went out and shot people
but i know that most psychopaths have the same thoughts in their mind especially when they go crazy or get rejected
do you think the media is a good idea?
at this point i couldnt care less about reputation after almost being killed. thats not one of the things that matters especially when i know theres nothing i did wrong or could have done better
i tried my hardest in this situation
he still sends me messages on my instant messenger. if i dont answer one fake account he sends another guy from pakistan to send me more messages. sofar about 5 of them contacted me in the last week trying to talk to me on his behalf
he types to me that hes trying to tell me about his 3rd marriage wich is baloney because everyone knows hes still married to his wife and taking care of all their kids
im not falling for the dumb game
and why do i care about anyones marriage if i dont like men anyways. i mean why would i want to hear about the pakistani mans 3rd marriage is what he is trying to tell me
i know my brain injury looked like a total accident but it cant be explained that i suffered such an injury while lying down on 2 fluffy pillows next to a large window. the main evidence is my word of what i experienced and me getting scared and jumping up out of bed and taking myself to the er
i feel like alot of people wont believe me or acknowledge the technology that is out there that can use something invisible from far away to kill others. they dont even need to be on your property to kill you. they could be in a car parked streets away. in a building down the street. a drone, cell tower etc
no one was in my house when i got injured and it was dark and rainy out in the night so i couldnt see out the window if someone was there
what if going to the media does these things. with psychopaths there is always risk of retaliation thats is bigger than the last thing they did to you because in their mind their purpose in the world is to do a game and they MUST WIN at all costs. if their victim gets strong and it getting back up again and fighting back they will use a bigger method to keep atacking the victim until they are totally destroyed. they need to win and be in control at any cost.
in some cases with psychopaths winning and destroying someone means killing them if they cant destroy them and send them running away crying from doing another thing
alot of people say ignore a psychopath and it gets them bored even after they did somethign to u because u need to let them win , pretend they won or something
the thing is like i said before i dont know if he can still kill me maybe he still wants to kill me so what is there to lose
either going to the media will make him more angry, and make me look stupid to skeptical people and ruin my reputation and make myself into a household name. as a woman who a married man was after which isnt the best thing for a females reputation in this world. even if it isnt my fault. society thinks men stalking women is normal for men and its all the womans fault
the other thing that might happen is it will make the situation public so more people will be aware that im in danger and maybe people will protect me? or people who know him will stop trying to harm me
i mean if i go on national tv and newspaper and say that this and this public figure person is stalking me and injured me and made death threats
and then i later on end up dead who is going to look suspicous?
it could also maybe be portrayed as a hate crime because i am part of a certain particular minority group in the usa and he has made some hate crime comments to me before.not african american but another type of minority that has been subjected to hate crimes and persecution
so i could say its a threat to my entire group
but i know that whistleblowers have sometimes been killed for that. there is a list of countless names who said the wrong thing about a certain politician or public figure and mysteriousely ended up dead shortly after and it was all labeled as an accident. i know there are alot of bankers in the usa suddenly ending up dead