BPD support Borderline Personality Disorder Community Group
Too help those suffering from BPD or those with family members with BPD
As a teen I was sent to a behavioral center for my depression. A couple of years before meeting my spouse, I was being treated for injuries after having a big truck drive over my foot, before leaving I had an emotional breakdown and was admitted for depression.
I was told my depression as a teen it was due to personality disorder which wasn't defined. As an adult, my personality disorder was labeled with "borderline" personality disorder.
I never told a soul. Not even my mom. I was put on meds and on them for 2 years straight until the morning of my wedding. I stopped cold-turkey. (this impulsive decision not very smart)
I am not making excuses. I know this for a fact. Most if not all of our marriage issues have stemmed from the fact that my husband didn't know the reasons for my unpredictable mood swings, lying, and other inappropriate behavior patterns I displayed. He knew I was keeping something from him, withholding secrets. I still wouldn't tell him, even when he cried , begged and pleaded , asking me to tell him so we could get past it. I never would tell him. Him not knowing made it even more difficult to work on a solution together as a team, to the point he finally gave up . Leaving him with unanswered questions.
He still asks me, what are the secrets I kept from him and why I didn't tell him.
I still haven't answered.
He sent me an email the other day asking me again what my secrets are.
Should I tell him?
I don't want to tell him because I feel he wouldn't believe me anyway, considering I have spoken so many lies to him to the point ALL trust has been shattered and he wouldn't believe me if I told him the sky was blue., on the other hand I do want to tell him because I feel he has a right to know what really happened and why I did the things I did.
I feel I am being torn . I don't want to hurt and embarrass him more than I already have. I don't know if telling him or not would continue causing him pain.
If anyone has ever been in a a similar fork in the road..... do you have any suggestions on how to handle this in an adult manner?
Any suggestions on whether or not I should tell him would be so very helpful. thank you
I was told my depression as a teen it was due to personality disorder which wasn't defined. As an adult, my personality disorder was labeled with "borderline" personality disorder.
I never told a soul. Not even my mom. I was put on meds and on them for 2 years straight until the morning of my wedding. I stopped cold-turkey. (this impulsive decision not very smart)
I am not making excuses. I know this for a fact. Most if not all of our marriage issues have stemmed from the fact that my husband didn't know the reasons for my unpredictable mood swings, lying, and other inappropriate behavior patterns I displayed. He knew I was keeping something from him, withholding secrets. I still wouldn't tell him, even when he cried , begged and pleaded , asking me to tell him so we could get past it. I never would tell him. Him not knowing made it even more difficult to work on a solution together as a team, to the point he finally gave up . Leaving him with unanswered questions.
He still asks me, what are the secrets I kept from him and why I didn't tell him.
I still haven't answered.
He sent me an email the other day asking me again what my secrets are.
Should I tell him?
I don't want to tell him because I feel he wouldn't believe me anyway, considering I have spoken so many lies to him to the point ALL trust has been shattered and he wouldn't believe me if I told him the sky was blue., on the other hand I do want to tell him because I feel he has a right to know what really happened and why I did the things I did.
I feel I am being torn . I don't want to hurt and embarrass him more than I already have. I don't know if telling him or not would continue causing him pain.
If anyone has ever been in a a similar fork in the road..... do you have any suggestions on how to handle this in an adult manner?
Any suggestions on whether or not I should tell him would be so very helpful. thank you
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
I think the fact that your marriage has been going so badly wrong and that you are so unhappy about it shows that you already know the answer to your question. Even without the added difficulties of a condition like BPD, healthy relationships are hard work. Marriage, in particular, requires a huge amount of commitment - men and women are so different, a lot of verbal communication must take place in order for it to succeed. Communication built on dishonesty can only do harm. You owe it to yourself and your husband to be honest. BPD, like any other problem life can bestow on us, can tear us and our relationships to shreds. Our only defense is honesty. You are fortunate that your husband is still interested in you enough to ask you for the truth. Lesser guys would have turned their backs on you.
@discipleswife "when you come to a fork in the road, take it!" The truth will set you free, but don't expect that everyone will like it.
@walrus forgive yourself and let the others make their own decisions. Despite what your BPD-brain tells you, no one is so wonderful that you cannot live without them. A marriage in which both people hate each other is worse than death for everyone involved. You never said that you loved your husband. If you want to stay together then one of you has to stop hating and start loving again. Sometime the other will reciprocate. If neither of you can do that, then perhaps it is time to get out, but try to do it peacefully.